Well good or bad I just gave my wife full access to all I have said on this forum. First she was asking about my last post so I let her read it. Then I said to her I just don't care anymore. I am an open book and handed her my phone with it opened to all my posts. Then she left the room with tears in her eyes after looking over the first page of my posts. And I let her know my user name so she can read anytime. Funny thing I won't be holding back any thing just because I think she might read. Cool thing she did is come ask me to watch the walking dead with her because we always watch it together. I love her more than life itself. She is my everything. Hoping she does read this. I just want her to know I trust her with my inner most feelings. And I took this from a SO signature that before either of us knew exactly what was "wrong" with me I thought it was what we both believed.

"women are women regardless of sex
and men are men in the same respects
you can be both or a mix of the two
or you can be neither if that's what suits you
but people are people no matter their parts
because what really matters
is what's inside our hearts"

But I don't think she believes this anymore. Because now she is experiencing something she never expected, so does or did she ever believe that???

Wow. I think that's pretty great.

Hope all works out between your wife and you.  And I think it's really great that you are being open and honest with your wife about that.  She deserves that.  You have my respect. 

My heart goes out to both of you.

Hugs to both of you

Cindy

I do hope she can find the inner strength to accept you for who you are. I think the honesty you are showing her will help a lot in what ever decision she makes. It is tough situation to be sure. 

Well said, Jessica.

Norma, do not forget to give your wife all the time and space she needs. This stuff takes people different amounts of time to process. You can actually give someone new to trans issues an information overload.

Being open is good for a relationship. So is giving each other some space from time to time. That goes for both you and your wife.

You do not need to explain every single thing to her today, and for Pete's sake, do not expect her to process it the moment she hears something for the first time.

And while I am dishing out advice like I know far more than I actually do, let your wife vent. She will likely be going through an emotional roller coaster for quite some time. Since this is a normal, human reaction to such things, there is no need to take it personally. You'd be well served to learn how to ninja through these times and support your wife, rather than falling into the trap of arguments. It takes two to argue.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Aloha,
Tori

JoAnn got terribly upset that I was talking to other girls online and not to her.  So I gave her access to my posts, yet she was only interested for a couple weeks.  Then I discovered she had begun to read my diary, and I nearly wigged out.  In those diary pages are the most incredibly personal things I feel about myself, and the trauma that was my life ... She read them all without telling me.  When I asked her to stop she sincerely apologized and said she'd never do it again, but the damage was done and my diary ended that day.

JoAnn now knows more about me than I ever wanted anyone to know.  This may be good, and in some ways it really doesn't matter.  The marriage is over, we've separated, and a phase of close friendship has begun.  Guess I no longer need to keep dark secrets.  I'm out to the world, happy about my life, and moving towards my future.  That's what's important now, because even though I finally faced all my demons and began transition, there was never a choice for who or what I am. 

You have a wonderful wife, so let her know how you feel about her every day.

Hugs. K

Don't know if you remember when I told you my wife has selective reading problem. But she skims over stuff and reads things that catch her eye. And last night after watching some TV together. Her only comments were about this part of my " things on my mind " post....

No hrt yet and some guys are attractive to me.

And this part.....

Woke up crying and not knowing why again yesterday. And thinking about men. And remember I am still press hrt and sexually attracted to my wife.

I explained to her I love her and reminded her about our talk before all this happened. Our talk was about how I feel love works. I feel you love the heart and soul and being attracted to the exterior is just a bonus.

And I explained to her these were just my personal inner thoughts that I have not even worked out for myself yet and there was no need to worry because it is her I love and only her and even if I do become attracted to men it would probably be " and men" not just men. And it is her I love and that will never change.

You're doing better than I did. I showed my wife how to access my posts. She never had the slightest interest in reading a single word.

We don't live together anymore.

Norma,
Yesterday my wife said I just wish you could change your mind.. as she was crying... and hurting and of course caused me great pain... so I sat there and thought OK.. let me tell you what I will be living with if I do.
Then I told her the rest of the story..the details of how I struggled and how I felt and how painful it was at the same time letting her know she brought me great happiness.
She I think then realized..the guy may never come back..I have forever changed especially since starting HRT since I am so happy with how I feel.
Now she just feels so sorry for me and what I have had to endure but still makes it no less painful for her to loose the guy she loves so very much
Its so hard.
Good luck... we all just need a lot of love..going both ways.
Carrie

Don't fixate on the sex stuff too much. It's very normal for MtF girls to be at least a *little* bi before they start their transition. You'll probably want to experiment with men before you're done if you're already starting to play with thoughts like that. It will almost certainly mean that the dynamic of your primary relationship (the one with your wife) will change somewhat during transition. Don't be afraid of this too much and you'll be fine. If you want your life to stay the same from one end to the other, you're in for a pretty rough ride anyway.

Keep open. Keep honest 1000% of the time. Never, ever lie but do *try* to be considerate. Let the dialog flow and really listen to your wife during this time because she's going to be as much or more scared than you.

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on February 10, 2014, 01:45:11 PM
Don't fixate on the sex stuff too much. It's very normal for MtF girls to be at least a *little* bi before they start their transition. You'll probably want to experiment with men before you're done if you're already starting to play with thoughts like that. It will almost certainly mean that the dynamic of your primary relationship (the one with your wife) will change somewhat during transition. Don't be afraid of this too much and you'll be fine. If you want your life to stay the same from one end to the other, you're in for a pretty rough ride anyway.

"Keep open. Keep honest 1000% of the time. Never, ever lie but do *try* to be considerate. Let the dialog flow and really listen to your wife during this time because she's going to be as much or more scared than you".

totally agree

Well, since I started all this and I don't know if its good or bad, but shopping is a great stress relief for me. I took back 2 jackets to target that I did not like the fit and they did not match my yoga pants. Then I went to Costco and bought the matching jacket to my yoga pants. Bought a matching tank top and some panties. Then Payless is having a buy one get one half off so I got 2 pair of shoes. And I ordered flowers for my wife for valentines day and upgraded them to premium. On the card I wrote, " I love you today, I loved you yesterday and I will love you tomorrow. No matter what day you read those words they will be true till the day I die "

Now I need to get online and list some items for sale in my store to pay for some of today. Right after I make an appointment to get my body waxed. The hair is getting long and it is driving me bonkers. Lol

Thanks for listening to my babble. I feel a little better now. 
Norma Lynne

Your card made me teary eyed lol