Is it when you are assigned a gender from someone else? Is it the stereotypical you are an easy talker, you show emotions so you are feminine? Should this be a trait to be proud of ? If I was not as insecure I would still be able to wear makeup. That is based on appearance but what does it mean to be male or female when you let other people's labels override your own labels?

I think you are mixing up "gender identity" with "gender norms" with "gender expectations" with "gender presentation."

The first is innate.  The others vary with society and culture.  I could look like a gorilla in a three-piece suit, and still have a female gender identity.

As it is, I have largely ignored societal gender expectations.  I am working on presentation though.

Gender roles are dictated by society perceptions and standards of what defines masculinity or femininity behaviors or roles. Gender roles varies by time and by culture. For example, what was a feminine roles for the Spartans was unacceptable to the Athenians. Gender roles are learned and/or imposed by peer pressure.

Gender identity is the innate self perception of being male, female, neutral, in-between, fluid, etc. The emerging medical evidence seems to indicate that gender identity is biologically determined (Nature). 

I know plenty of people, cis and trans, that have a feminine gender identity but aren't necessarily feminine in appearance/actions/etc. There are plenty of butch girls and androgynous girls and girls who simply don't care about their appearance or what traits they express/things they like to do and end up seeming pretty gender neutral. That has nothing to do with having a feminine gender identity.

And yeah, I would personally ignore society's perceptions on what's appropriate for a certain gender or not if I also didn't want to pass as a particular gender. But when I finally am able to fully pass as that gender I won't care anymore. I think it's something that you have to work your way into slowly and build up confidence to keep doing it despite what other people say about it. Because ultimately other people's opinions don't matter as much as your own comfort. (Though if your safety is a factor then you have to take that into consideration too)

As far as whether you should be proud of any traits or not... be proud of whatever traits you feel proud of. It's not up to anyone else to say what you should and should not be proud of or to make you feel ashamed of anything.

As an androgyne with very little grip on gender identity, I offer....the gallic shrug.



Idunno.

Identity is self. Some people assign a gender term to it, but that can be like an anchor at times.
Gender roles are the expressions that society imposes on those who wander away from the stereotypical looks of that society.
Like looking like a cowboy in cowboy country... Either male or female, it's a role expression of identity, not the identity of self.
If you don't have a self image of either the stereotypical male or female, then use whatever role feels comfortable.
Or make your own role by just being yourself. Not everyone has or needs a use for having an expression of a role.
Some jobs require a certain amount so they are recognizable to those who may need them, Police, Nurses, etc...
But even within those expressions of those roles, you can usually incorporate a certain amount of your individual identity into them.
Nobody can tell you what your identity is, only you can. That part of you that is self.
Gender is pretty much like all of that. Some people need a role expression to complete their identity, others, not so much.
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