basically its as the subject states. i recently came out to my family because the hrt is starting to have some noticeable effects. well i came out to my mom. i should say that i come from a VERY close family and they have always meant allot to me. when i told my mom she started yelling at me and asking me how i could do this to her. to make a long and painful story not quite as long, she refuses to let me explain anything to her, has told everyone else in the family what she thinks is going on with out any regard to the facts, so now everyone in my family has now stoped speaking to me, altho they all do send me messages on FB that are telling me that i will go to hell and to never come over to their houses again. i knew this is a risk i had to face when i told her... but i honestly didnt think it wold be like this because of how supportive my family has always been to everyone about anything. anyone have any advice on how to handle this? i am not sure if i can handle this, i dont want to go back to living a lie just to have my family back, but i dont see any other way. if it comes down to it i guess ill just have to find a "replacement" but it will never be the same
thnx

Since you are being outed to everyone else by your mother, you might as well get your feelings known.

Take control of the situation.  Emails, phone calls, letters, facebook postings - however you are most comfortable.

Be proactive and paint your own portrait.

BTW, ask them if they disagree with Rev Pat Robertson

i have tried... but its just too much to stay on top of... i have a huge family and they are all gossiping and before i could send any of them messages most blocked me. as far as phone calls the only one that ansered has told me that he "allways knew i was a ->-bleeped-<-" then hung up on me

I think your answer is staring you back in the face. You have 2 options, stay as you are be miserable and meet everyone elses expectations. Even if you go this way you will always be a suspicious person and your aunts and uncles will be yanking their kids away from you. Or you pack your bags and get out there, do your transition and go live a life somewhere away from them. It might be a big family, and a close family, but it certainly doesn't sound like a loving family. Why stay if you will be forever ostracized?

I concur with Zumbagirl. Why would you want to keep people in your life who call you "->-bleeped-<-", talk trash about you, and expect you to live up to their expectations? Would you jump off a cliff if your family said so? Would you burn down your own house if your family said so?

My sons rejected me, particularly my eldest son and for a while it hurt very badly. But I realized that if he didn't want me in his life, why was I obsessing over him and ignoring the people who do love me and not out finding others who love me as well?

My son made his choices. I've made mine and I'd rather be honest with myself and happy alone than bowing down to his demands to be something I am not.

I suggest you honestly ask yourself why you feel you need a "family" that puts you down so badly.

Sounds like they are the evil ones, especially mom.  I mean whom would Jesus shun?  If they're hung up on Old Testament stuff, do they follow Leviticus and Deuteronomy to the letter?  (Didn't think so...)

I don't know if I'd even want to pursue relations with people who would be nothing but toxic for me in the short term.  Maybe some of them will come around eventually, but if you make yourself scarce, you show them who is really in control of this matter.

Your life, your rules.

Hugs, and best of luck.  I'll bet somebody will surprise you in the end.

Quote from: julietimebigtime on February 11, 2014, 02:04:19 AM
when i told my mom she started yelling at me and asking me how i could do this to her.

This explains it all. She and the family need to understand it is not about them, but you. They lived their lives and now it is your turn. Don't let them put a guilt trip or doubts in your mind. It is YOUR life, go for it and be happy and feel right.

I have only told my wife and my mother I'm afraid of what my boys and my wife's family will think  mostly because I fell like I embasser her

Quote from: Samantha on February 11, 2014, 07:08:08 PM
I have only told my wife and my mother I'm afraid of what my boys and my wife's family will think  mostly because I fell like I embasser her

It is important that you're never embarrassed nor ashamed about being yourself.   If your family members feel embarassment or shame, that is their own fault.  Let them wallow in their own self-inflicted bigotry and don't allow them to ruin your life.  Sadly, sometimes we have to cut some people loose to save our own sanity.  Sometimes these people need time to process things before they end up squarely in your corner, so it's also important not to burn your bridges.

My parents went from "Well, we've begrudgingly decided not to disown you" to "Well, you're still our kid" to "I don't think we can ever get ourselves to call you Jill" to "Hi Jill, how are you". 

The Salem witch trials were a series of hearings and prosecutions of people accused of witchcraft in colonial Massachusetts between February 1692 and May 1693. The episode is one of the nation's most notorious cases of mass hysteria, and has been used in political rhetoric and popular literature as a vivid cautionary tale about the dangers of isolationism, religious extremism, false accusations and lapses in due process

Kinda like your family, belive in the UNBELIEVABLE.  All was done in fear and religion.

I keep away from anyone who does not want to be around me. I did not lose to many of my family. I also had my friends and family letter ready when i came out. I did lose my x wife and most of her side of the family, but life goes on. There lose not mine.

Wish you luck. Stay your path, work on happiness for you and do not waste your time with those who judge.

Big Huggies
Isabell

Quote from: julietimebigtime on February 11, 2014, 02:16:49 AM
i have tried... but its just too much to stay on top of... i have a huge family and they are all gossiping and before i could send any of them messages most blocked me. as far as phone calls the only one that answered has told me that he "always knew i was a ->-bleeped-<-" then hung up on me

Post your statement on your Facebook account.  If they are gossiping, then they are also going to peak at it.  It is human nature.

Post the Rev Robertson clip ... 

"I don't think there is any sin associated with [transsexualism].  I don't condemn somebody for doing that....  It is not for you to decide or to judge."

Ask the question whether they think they are holding to true Christian values, or if they are evil bigots.  Turn the tables and walk away.

julietimebigtime -

I know that this is a hard thing for you to deal with, but you don't need any of the comments or judgements from your narrow minded family, especially right now as you are working on figuring yourself out. The genie is out of the bottle with you, and there will be no going back to the way things were in the past. Since you can't go backward, keep going forward.

You can reason and argue with them until you are blue in the face but it is my opinion that you aren't going to change many opinions right now. They can hurt you by inflicting hate or judgement on you, and make you feel guilty for "ruining" some aspect of their lives, because after all it is all about them and not about you. You have done nothing wrong; you are just being your true self. If they don't like it it is their problem, not yours. If you walk away they may eventually change their mind about you; a separation by you walking away is what is needed in my opinion.

Like Zumbagirl said, you have two options.

And like Jill said - your life, your rules.

This is how Facebook ruins your life.

thnx everyone..... im not too sure if i can just walk away, but ill try, seams the best option for the time being at least

Julie,

If your family thinks you're going to hell because you are ts then they probably have some very big problems in their own lives to deal with.  Maybe knowing that will help you have a little more compassion for them (yes, it's hard to have compassion for people who are hurting or disrespecting you, but it's possible).

Let's be clear on two things: (1) nothing in the Bible condemns transexualism, and (2) as best as our present state of biological and medical knowledge can tell, transexualism is a completely natural condition -- i.e., it was created by God; we don't know why, but then we don't know why God does most of what God does. 

All Christian condemnations of transexualism derive from supposed biblical injunctions against homosexuality.  These injunctions are very dubious in the first place.  But beyond that, transexualism, as we all know, is not homosexuality.  A m2f transexual is not a man dressing as a woman, or a man who has a sexual preference for males.  An m2f transexual is not a man at all.  The old definition of an m2f as a "woman's soul in a man's body" seems fairly accurate.

Gaining acceptance by family members would have to be seen as a long term process.  One part of this might be to engage them in discussion about the basis for their beliefs.  Ask them, "why do you say I'm going to hell?"  Ask them what passages in the Bible cause them to say this.  Then, if you are motivated, examine these passages, and convince yourself that they do not in fact condemn transexualism.  Even if you don't succeed in changing the opinions of your family members, you will be setting an example of keeping discussion at a rational and constructive level.

Cathy

Let me restate something. I've moved on because my sons don't want me in their lives. But I'm not the one that closed that door. And if they choose to open it and walk through it, I'll welcome them. But I am not going to pine my life away wishing for something.

I recommend you just begin to move on with your life. Your family will either decide to include you or not. Send Christmas cards. Send birthday cards. Expect nothing from them but by doing those things, you won't be forgotten. They'll have the choice - include you or not.

Wth...

This seems like a troll post but if its not ,,,if its not I just dont know what to say...
If I was you I would move to another city and never speak with my "family" again...

Really?
they block and dont let you even explain to them whats going on?
"i always knew you were a ->-bleeped-<-" ?!
who says that to a family member?

man they sound like terrible terrible people...you are better off without them...
dont worry about it too much ,,,this isnt your family anyways...

Sometimes you need to just get away for awhile. It's not forever. I left my family preemptively before starting my transition. I'd just become really withdrawn and angry. When I came out, it was in a snail-mail letter addressed to my mother. I did it this way so that I didn't have to be there for the initial explosion. I couldn't handle hearing their kneejerk reactions. Sometimes there needs to be a mourning process for the family, and I didn't want to be there for that either. Maybe it was selfish of me, but it was the best thing I could have done for my mental health.

I know you've already come out, and I'm so sorry it's been so painful for you. I advise getting away and learning who you are. With happiness and confidence, a good family will see the changes and realize how good it is for you. If your family isn't happy with newfound peace, then I agree that it may be best to stay away from that toxic environment. It's hard being on your own... but it's almost impossible to have a seed sprout if people keep burying it deeper and deeper.

I agree. Get away. Avoid them. When you deal with them, be very sweet and angelic. Be soft and try to diffuse any anger. I would even apologize and tell them you know it must be very tough for them to know the truth. Meet their anger with your softness.

If they are blocking you they have stated their opinion. There is no reconciliation. It's their squalor to live and hate in, don't join them. Telling you you are evil is not blocking, and considerably less damaging. The name callers may actually care, they are just operating under their existing premises. Patience and dialog may improve relations over time.
My family has been a rather mixed response.(including plenty of vileness, blocking, etc.)