I don't know if there's already a thread somewhere for this, and I know I've been posting a lot of threads lately but I always have a lot of ideas in my head on things I want to ask or share.

Anyways, when did you guys first know you wanted to be a boy?

I didn't find out what transgender was until later on in life, but ever since I was young I was a tomboy who always got along better with boys than girls. I was often confused or jealous of boys who were able to take off their shirts when it was hot outside. I asked if I could do it once but my mom said I couldn't because I was a "girl" and I wasn't supposed to. I was jealous of boys' penises as well. I would see my friends or cousin go to a tree or somewhere to relieve themselves real quick and I wanted to do that. I never really liked my girl parts. I hated going through puberty and having to start wearing bras. I hate getting my period. I don't like anything about being female; I feel like I was put in the wrong body.

Anyone else who feels similar? I'm interested in hearing all your stories.

Officially, I knew a couple years ago. In reality, there have been times earlier when I've known, but pushed myself into denial.
I didn't really think about it when I was a kid aside from wanting to play with the other boys as a boy. When puberty was just starting, I kept thinking I would turn out to be at least part boy (referring to body parts other than my brain) somehow. At some point, I wanted a penis so bad, I looked online to see if there was any word for why I felt this way, came across Freud's "penis envy" and thought that fit until I read what it was actually supposed to mean and then felt really weird about it.

I knew when I was about 5. I was playing in a McDonalds playground with a little boy and a little girl. I was always a tomboy and this other girl was also a tomboy. At some point I had this random thought that I wasn't like the little girl, but like the boy.

I didn't really voice it because my mom while a generally understanding person is also very controlling. My dad was very clear in his desire to not have a boy because he didn't want to do boy scouts. Once puberty started I knew the physical differences between male and female. I was pretty numb by that point, so I went along with stuff as it happened. I never named it until about 2 years ago because I was numb until freshmen year of college and I then started processing my sexual orientation.

Quote from: Edge on February 11, 2014, 05:47:31 PM
Officially, I knew a couple years ago. In reality, there have been times earlier when I've known, but pushed myself into denial.
I didn't really think about it when I was a kid aside from wanting to play with the other boys as a boy. When puberty was just starting, I kept thinking I would turn out to be at least part boy somehow. At some point, I wanted a penis so bad, I looked online to see if there was any word for why I felt this way, came across Freud's "penis envy" and thought that fit until I read what it was actually supposed to mean and then felt really weird about it.

I remember coming across the article on Wikipedia about "penis envy" too. I thought it described me as well until I understood what it actually meant.

I don't know why I've always wanted a penis so badly. I know the ladies on the other side of the forum will disagree, but I believe a penis is a much better sexual organ than a vagina. As someone else said on one of my other threads, it's just a hole with two flaps around it, it bleeds for a few days every month and another human being comes out of it. It's gross. >_< I don't mind it if I were having sex with a female, but on my body I don't like it.

When I could speak in full on sentences I knew something and at cetain age I realized I was really guy which was when I was 14. I already am a guy though there is no wanting to be one, I might have the wrong parts but I'm definately a guy

I could officially put a label on myself (so to speak) when I was 21, or more like I could admit it to myself. I had been considering the possibility way earlier but always thought it wouldn't be the case on my part. Oh well, it was in the end.

But the first time I could tell there was something wrong? The age when I became aware of my sex as a kid, before I was even five. I just never talked about it to anyone because I was awfully shy and also afraid that other people might laugh or get mad at me.

Quote from: Brandon on February 11, 2014, 06:04:03 PM
I already am a guy though there is no wanting to be one, I might have the wrong parts but I'm definately a guy

You're preaching to the choir dude. We're all guys. Also, wanting to be a guy has no bearing on whether someone is a guy or not. It just means we enjoy being guys once we accept that is what we are. (Although I would still like the right parts.)

I became aware of it when I was about 5 years old and started Kindergarten.  I didn't understand why I was made to pair up with "girls".

Quote from: Edge on February 11, 2014, 07:13:20 PM
You're preaching to the choir dude. We're all guys. Also, wanting to be a guy has no bearing on whether someone is a guy or not. It just means we enjoy being guys once we accept that is what we are. (Although I would still like the right parts.)

True.

 I have a lot of memories of knowing something was up in pre school. When I was four years old, I asked my dad if I could wear a tux to my pre school graduation instead of the floral sundress my mom had selected. I also played with the boys exclusively and, for a brief time, held their belief that girls had cooties.

It's odd though, because I feel like I knew when I was younger and then sort of "forgot"- i.e., went really deep into denial mode- during my adolescent and teenage years. Can anyone relate to that at all?

As for knowing their was such thing as a trans guy- weirdly, the first time I ever heard of trans guys was through the L word (back when I was tentatively ID'ing with the queer women community). There's a guy Max on the show who transitions over the course of a season. They talk about his gender dysphoria and what not. I saw it and I was just like "Oh my gosh, that's me. He's me, I'm him." And suddenly all those pre school memories hit me again and I knew and I was 100% a trans guy.

Quote from: Cloudchamber on February 11, 2014, 07:51:31 PM
I have a lot of memories of knowing something was up in pre school. When I was four years old, I asked my dad if I could wear a tux to my pre school graduation instead of the floral sundress my mom had selected. I also played with the boys exclusively and, for a brief time, held their belief that girls had cooties.

It's odd though, because I feel like I knew when I was younger and then sort of "forgot"- i.e., went really deep into denial mode- during my adolescent and teenage years. Can anyone relate to that at all?

As for knowing their was such thing as a trans guy- weirdly, the first time I ever heard of trans guys was through the L word (back when I was tentatively ID'ing with the queer women community). There's a guy Max on the show who transitions over the course of a season. They talk about his gender dysphoria and what not. I saw it and I was just like "Oh my gosh, that's me. He's me, I'm him." And suddenly all those pre school memories hit me again and I knew and I was 100% a trans guy.

I did go through a short denial mode myself (See: my post in the Before&After thread) where I thought there was nothing I could do about my feelings and just decided to fake being a "girl". But, I just couldn't do it anymore.

I knew since 4 when I couldn't stop sleeping in my sisters clothes. Never been able to stop accept going through denial. Then it always came back stronger.

Quote from: Cloudchamber on February 11, 2014, 07:51:31 PMIt's odd though, because I feel like I knew when I was younger and then sort of "forgot"- i.e., went really deep into denial mode- during my adolescent and teenage years. Can anyone relate to that at all?

Yeah. I spent high school being told I was insane followed by a very emasculating life experience. After that, I overcompensated, went far in denial, and was really screwed up.
I first heard of trans guys from Boys Don't Cry during which my dad repeatedly called Brandon a liar. It kind of scared me.

Quote from: stephaniec on February 11, 2014, 07:57:15 PM
I knew since 4 when I couldn't stop sleeping in my sisters clothes. Never been able to stop accept going through denial. Then it always came back stronger.

I went through something similar. I never liked wearing girl's clothes at all. My mom would have to force me to put them on; especially skirts and dresses. I always felt more comfortable in boy's clothes.

Quote from: Edge on February 11, 2014, 08:00:36 PM
Yeah. I spent high school being told I was insane followed by a very emasculating life experience. After that, I overcompensated, went far in denial, and was really screwed up.
I first heard of trans guys from Boys Don't Cry during which my dad repeatedly called Brandon a liar. It kind of scared me.

Ugh, overcompensation and denial are the worst.  I can totally relate man.

I watched Boys Don't Cry when I started ID'ing as a trans guy and it scared me a lot to be honest. The area I was living in at the time was sort of similar to the place Brandon lived and I was dying to leave by the end of the film.

From fairly early memory...honestly, as a kid, I just thought I'd grow up to be male. I didn't know how any of the stuff worked, so I figured there had been a mistake, and that at a certain age I'd just...be a guy. lol. I spent my first few years of puberty in denial, thinking "OK well I haven't gotten a period and my friends have, maybe I won't get one, and then we'll find out the truth..."

As for when I knew I was transsexual, it was as soon as I heard the word, which I believe was about 18. I was watching this show...it had some either crossdressers or MTFs, early stages, who were being filmed as they went out the first time as female. I remember one went to a baseball game as a woman, and then she was sad because one of the guys at the game called her a ->-bleeped-<-got when she told him that she was physically male. I googled "transsexual" and all there was, really, in terms of Google searches was a Wikipedia article. I read what the word meant (someone who was physically one sex but knew they were the other), and I was like "oh yeah, that makes total sense, that's what I am." But since the women on the show only dressed in women's clothes I didn't know physical transition was possible (I knew about surgeries and stuff, as in I knew they existed, but I didn't know they were accessible).

Later found out about more FTM stuff in particular when I was googling how to look like a guy with my clothes. Again, not much on the Internet back then, not even many guys posted their T progress in photos or videos so I really felt in the dark. But I knew that was what I was.

yea, things have changed quite a bit since I was growing up. all I knew about was Christine Jorgensen and that tennis player Rene Richards. I like wise thought the process was inaccessible and tried to be what  society expected.

It's kind of hard to explain for me. I was always convinced that everyone saw me as a guy, because I always felt like one. So I would get called she and such, and somehow my brain made it logical that they still all saw me as a he. I don't know, it's strange. I was in some deep denial. Then, once I had the full blown realization that I am a man, I expected everyone to be on the same page. Not how it went. I was confused, lol. But that was a little over a year ago that it hit me like a freight train.

I probably knew from younger, but the age at which I remember being aware of it was around 5 (when I became fully aware of the differences between boys and girls). At the time I "knew" that boys had different parts than girls but I didn't think it mattered. And I identified as a tomboy rather than a girl because I thought that it meant someone who was a boy but didn't have the same stuff as other boys. I was really confused when my tomboy girl friends were fine being girls and even wanted to be seen as girls, but just as tomboy girls, because I knew that I just wanted to be treated like any other boy and I wanted the fact that I was technically physically a "girl" to be ignored completely.

Quote from: Cloudchamber on February 11, 2014, 07:51:31 PM
It's odd though, because I feel like I knew when I was younger and then sort of "forgot"- i.e., went really deep into denial mode- during my adolescent and teenage years. Can anyone relate to that at all?

Definitely. I never exactly "forgot" but I definitely shoved it down deep and I figured that I could never become a boy so there was no point in dwelling on it. Then I wondered why I got so depressed as I got older and felt like I was hiding my true self, lol.

I knew trans men were a thing three days before my fifteenth birthday after watching the L Word, and realised that was the word for what I was then.  Although I always had a vague memory of when I was six and my friend was telling my teacher about her cousin who had transitioned and was a trans man.  I didn't know the words for it though, and it was so alien a concept I didn't connect it with me.

I didn't really notice that there was a difference between boys and girls until I was seven, and boys joined my year at school.  I went to a very small village school, and there were only two others in my year, all girls, so it was natural for me to play with them more often, I would have done even if I wasn't trans.  When I was seven and more people joined, two girls and three boys, I got down and didn't really understand why, and there were arguments between me and my friends because I wanted to play with the boys more than them.  When I moved into the next school, which was a lot bigger, I had trouble trying to fit in because I didn't understand the girl stuff, but the boys didn't want a "girl" playing with them, and it caused me a lot of grief and upset.  The same thing happened when I switched school again, although I got into even more trouble, as I thought that the only way to be accepted by the boys as one of them was to be stronger than them, and that meant getting into fights.

I never wanted to wear girls' clothes, ever.  I fought against my school skirt the whole time, and I couldn't understand why the girls didn't want to join me into pressuring the school into getting rid of that rule.  Even when I was a lot younger I would physically fight not to be put into girls' clothes.  Whenever I pictured myself in the future it was always wearing a suit, never female clothes, and with short hair. I always thought that would be who I would grow into.

Physically, one of the biggest indicators was when I was going through puberty and was constantly trying to deny it.  I was trying to deny my period starting (it was light at first), and I used to stretch out in front of the big mirror at my grandparents every weekend trying to make my chest disappear so that I wouldn't have to admit that it was growing.  In the end I managed to convince myself that it was cancer and I was dying, because I just couldn't admit that I was going through female puberty.