So as I sit here I realize that even in these short eight months I've gone from:
What the heck is wrong with me
To
So I am a transgender and what does that mean
To
I want to do it all, the HRT, the SRS and see what else needs to be done to make me a woman and hopefully pretty.
To where I am now.

Today I feel like that after following the advice of friends and my therapist to slow down and enjoy the ride I have found a better way to handle this than to rush in with bank accounts open and scapels ready. I am really starting to notice, identify and deal with my dysforia. I still want to present as female but I never have nor currently do hate my penis. It's just there and it serves a function.

So I know it is acceptable to be a woman with a penis. More difficult sometimes yes but it is possible. And I am researching life as this... This status would allow me to be. I am not full androgenious as my identity, I like female pronouns, I like the clothes that women get to wear, I like my breasts as they are growing, I like the changes of HRT.

BUT what do I have to do to remain safe in this status? That is I don't want my liver or kidneys to fail from HRT battling my testes. So orchectomy I suppose but what are the long term effects of that surgery?

ALSO sexually how is life as that? I don't need graphic details but I am bisexual and currently getting to know another bisexual woman although a man wouldn't be out of my preference either. So in terms of pleasing both parties is this possible to be intimate in a way that people can be close and enjoy that experience of two bodies together?

AND where does one find out about the maintenance of a body when living as such? I've checked the non-op board but have not been so sure that that is the place for such a discussion. Also where else would I find information on this that isn't out of date and remains credible?

I am checking the wiki here as I type this but your personal experiences would also be of great value to me. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have SRS, just right now I don't want to rush into it. I understand now that my goal is to be happy and not be compelled by what I had perceived as "the path". I am Christine but I know in my heart that surgery isn't a magic answer and that I need much more soul searching before committing to it. Thank you for reading this and for any advice or help that you may give.

Hi Christine

This is a really thought provoking post. I don't have any answers, but even at my stage if HRT I can see where you're coming from. My penis isn't something I've ever been that fond of, but I don't really hate it either.

I'm thinking about SRS and leaning towards it at some point in the future. I need to be sure that it's absolutely necessary. By nature, I'm careful and think about things a lot before acting so I need to be sure and I intend to take my time.

I wonder what life would be like in a sort of 'in-between' state where I'm living as a female but legally still male. (Where I live you need to have had SRS to legally change gender, or have 2 years RLE.)  I don't like the idea of being in that grey area.

I know I want to live the rest of my life as a woman.

I'd be really interested in hearing what others with or without direct experience think.

I'm pre op hopefully in the future I can get grs. I not worrying about it though . I'm 4 months  in and loving each day of it and watching the changes. I'm never going back to being with out E.

Quote from: Christine167 on February 12, 2014, 01:15:09 PM
Today I feel like that after following the advice of friends and my therapist to slow down and enjoy the ride I have found a better way to handle this than to rush in with bank accounts open and scapels ready. I am really starting to notice, identify and deal with my dysforia. I still want to present as female but I never have nor currently do hate my penis. It's just there and it serves a function.

So I know it is acceptable to be a woman with a penis. More difficult sometimes yes but it is possible. And I am researching life as this... This status would allow me to be. I am not full androgenious as my identity, I like female pronouns, I like the clothes that women get to wear, I like my breasts as they are growing, I like the changes of HRT.

I'm a non-op woman for a variety of reasons. I'm also not as binary as I appear - although I do prefer a female presentation and pronouns.

QuoteBUT what do I have to do to remain safe in this status? That is I don't want my liver or kidneys to fail from HRT battling my testes. So orchectomy I suppose but what are the long term effects of that surgery?

The main catch is that it will leave you always needing to take some kind of sex hormone, due to the osteoporosis link.

QuoteALSO sexually how is life as that? I don't need graphic details but I am bisexual and currently getting to know another bisexual woman although a man wouldn't be out of my preference either. So in terms of pleasing both parties is this possible to be intimate in a way that people can be close and enjoy that experience of two bodies together?

I can't complain about my sex life - it's better than it's been for quite some time..    A little experimentation and some inventiveness go a long way.

QuoteAND where does one find out about the maintenance of a body when living as such? I've checked the non-op board but have not been so sure that that is the place for such a discussion. Also where else would I find information on this that isn't out of date and remains credible?

What kind of maintenance are you thinking about? Apart from having my hormones monitored, I haven't felt the need to do anything other than the usual stuff.. Watching my diet, BP etc..

QuoteI am checking the wiki here as I type this but your personal experiences would also be of great value to me. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have SRS, just right now I don't want to rush into it. I understand now that my goal is to be happy and not be compelled by what I had perceived as "the path". I am Christine but I know in my heart that surgery isn't a magic answer and that I need much more soul searching before committing to it. Thank you for reading this and for any advice or help that you may give.

I think it's great that you've not rushed in to anything. Early on, I thought I had to have SRS and then realised that I could live without it - then I found out it wasn't an option for me anyway, so it was a moot point. There was a bunch of things I thought I had to do. I've done very few of them, I wandered off 'the path' somewhere and never bothered to wander back on.