So, I inadvertently came out to my parents.
My wife is in the hospital and I've been in contact more with my parents. Yesterday, my dad asked me for my email and being tired and overwhelmed I gave him my main email account that has my user name as Amy. This morning I received a text from my mother asking me why my name is "Amy".
Since I'm deciding to begin hormones as soon as possible (I have an initial consult on the 24th), I'm using this opportunity to come out to them. Here is the letter I wrote. I have not sent it yet. Please give me your honest feedback and any suggestions you have. Thank you!
Dear Mom and Dad,
You asked me to explain why my email username is "Amy Eileen". I'm writing you this letter to give you some answers and open up about my personal journey. I hope that you are able to read this with love and an open mind.
The short answer is that I'm transgender.
What that means is that I identify as female even though biologically I am male. I never felt comfortable growing up as male and have had memories of wanting to change gender from as young as 5 years old. There were periods of my life growing up where I denied my feelings and tried to be what I thought was normal or expected but ultimately, I would sink into depression and withdraw into myself.
Recently I have been going to a wonderful therapist to talk about my gender dysphoria (the feeling of not belonging in the right body) and she has been a great help to me. Together we have explored my lifelong struggle with depression and she has encouraged me to be very honest with myself and with those I love the most. It has not been easy but I have finally come to a place of acceptance of who I am.
I know this is a lot to take in. I hadn't planned on writing this letter this soon, but I do not want to lie to you or pretend that I am someone I'm not. You deserve to know who I am, and that includes this part of my life. This does not mean that I am a different person than who you have been talking to. I am still me. I will always be your child. I still love you and desperately want to stay connected and close if you are willing.
I chose the name Amy as my female name because I have always felt that it is a beautiful name and it is simple and I feel echoes my personality best. I chose Eileen as a middle name to honor you mom, I know that may sound strange and I apologize if it hurts your heart. That is not my intention. When I was trying to pick a middle name I felt a strong connection to your middle name and wanted to share a bond with you in a unique way. I am proud of my name. It is what Nicole and my friends call me. Again, Brian is a name that I only use at work and with certain family members.
That is why my email is "aerialinspiration"... the first 3 letters are my initials Amy Eileen Rogers... aerial for the heavens and inspiration because I find creative inspiration in the clouds. I thought it best reflected my personality and I am very happy with it.
I want you to know that I am much happier and more confident as a person since making these changes in my life. I feel a sense of "rightness" when I am perceived as female and it has helped me be at peace even with the struggles life has been giving us right now. I spent many years in conflict about what this all meant, but now that I am moving forward and being honest and true to my heart and my identity, I feel a peace and wholeness I didn't before.
This is a journey and in many ways it's still just beginning. It is a deeply personal journey and you have to determine your level of involvement. I don't expect you to suddenly use female pronouns or call me Amy. I understand that this will take years for you to process. It took Nicole at least a year to come to terms with what is happening and she has been a great support to me. She still has difficulty using the proper pronouns that I prefer, but I know that she loves me very much and I understand that it takes time.
If you don't want to acknowledge this part of my life, I understand, but I pray that you don't abandon me, please be willing to stay in touch and be a part of my life. I don't want to lose the connection that we have. Especially now; your support means the world to me.
If you have questions, please feel free to ask me in a respectful manner. I will do my best to answer them as thoroughly as possible. Just please know that there may be questions I will not feel comfortable answering and I need you to respect my right to certain privacy.
As far as health, I am very healthy and have no plans for surgery at this time. I am working on living the life I want and to foster happiness and peace for myself and for my relationships. My relationship with you both is very precious to me and I do cherish it greatly.
Below are some links for you to look at in order to get the facts about Transgender individuals.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/resources/resources-for-parents/http://community.pflag.org/transgender
