Hi ,

I hope it is not inappropriate to discuss this , but since starting androgen blockers ,( or more accurate a few days after that) , I didn't have any erection . And that is fine , I don't mind that , but I heard that the penis will atrophy or something like that and I am a little worried . I am really thinking SRS , but definitely won't be sometime soon ,I have a lot of things to put in order before that .
So will I have any health problems if I won't get my penis erect from time to time? I am kinda reluctant of forcing it , just for the health purpose , I feel that is somehow masculine to do that, and it also reminds me of the 'dark' days .
In fact , especially when I really feel dysphoric , and I see a penis down there ,at shower for example , I feel weird , like i didn't expect to find a penis at all .Quite amazing , considering that when I focused on sexual satisfaction , I enjoyed it , in fact I didn't thought at SRS at all .

I would say that I am somewhat near to what you are feeling. I am not on HRT yet, but after I have come out to myself and friends, I am looking downstairs with a bit of gross sensation. I do not want an erection and I won't force one once on HRT, even if for "material" purposes, it would be better to have it.
I think that for me this part is also related to a mental shift, I did enjoy some sex with women before, but now I would consider it not so much attractive, and SRS, which was before a kind of taboo, now it is thought like a possibility, at least in theory.

It is weird , that although I enjoyed sexuality and adult movies , and I enjoyed my penis as a pleasure organ , I never really liked to use it actively , as a man . In my fantasies somehow I induced that I would like that with cis girls  (maybe because that is the standard way to become a woman's sexual partner ) , yet in real life , even now , looking back , I can see that I wasn't comfortable .
I only had sex with 2 cis women in my life , 3 times in total  , and I felt uncomfortable by their expectance to behave like a man (they didn't know about my complex identity) .
I am wondering how could I get rid of this fake 'me' , a somehow masculine one that is created inside my mind , and gives me the impression that I look/behave  or could look and behave more masculine than I actually do it .
But I guess this is a therapy issue , hopefully I will get it fixed .

HRT has stopped my spontaneous  erections , which is making me feel so much better. Being honest , never wanted a penis and since childhood it's basically non existent  mentally. The more it diminishes the better from my point of view. That being said, you can still use it on HRT.

After 2 years on HRT, I'm half as "big" as I used to be. I did myself about once a month just to keep things limbered up, but never got very hard.

Once I found a regular partner, sex is much more frequent (daily ), but the first week was painful...like after an excessive workout, with sore and bruised muscles (but all focused "there")

There are times though, when I'm sitting in the nude, that the ol' willie disappears almost entirely within the body, just peeking out like a moderately sized clit. (fwiw, under full testosterone I was 3" flaccid and 7" erect)

I will say this though, spiro and E are only part of the explanation...once you allow yourself to be, the desire to have man-style sex diminishes to almost nothing...it really takes an act of will-power to make things happen down there...and given the motivational choice of one big, hard-fought orgasm vs multiple body orgasms...which would you rather have, a saltine or a bag of mint Oreos?

All that said, I'm hoping to get SRS in the next year or so, and don't expect difficulties.

I'm laughing as I write this .. I think a small, atrophied penis looks sooo sexy!

I appreciate things that are different. I build my own computers, not just the inside but I respray the outside just to change the color. Why would you want the same old Honda when you can build a much better car from scratch? Do we just want to "get around"? To hell with that! Life is too short. I don't want men to look, I want them to drool! I think cisgender women are an upgrade  .  I'm looking forward to a Thailand visit and having the boys permanently removed from the house, leaving me with a nice, sexy (small) penis. Hey! I could paint it colors!

I had similar concerns... and to my surprise, within one week of going off E for surgery, the danged thing bounced back to 100% of it's former size and flexibility. (Dammit!) Certainly served as an excellent reminder of why I was heading off to Montreal.

Jenna Marie,  what a surprise to go back to 100% in a week, a lot of good material for Dr, Brassard to have to used.  I bit you like your lower part now.

mm : It's true, as obnoxious as those next two weeks were (I had to be off E for three weeks total), it was worth it in the end, and I was secretly a little pleased to know it had recovered to the maximum "material" available. And yes, I'm delighted with the results!

that's good to hear