So i'll start off by saying I hope I'm posting in the right spot lol Also I've never done this before or great at expressing myself so please bare with me Well were to start something I've really been struggling with lately is truly being lonely and really struggling with staying on the path of transition.
   Ok i'll start off explaining the being lonely part first. I started transitioning Dec. 2012 I cam out in oct. 2012 and have been single since june 2011. Now pre-transition it never once bothered me one bit about being single and I embraced it to find out who I was as a person....well we see how that turned out lol anyhow since starting HRT its really been hitting me hard to the point that I cry myself to sleep some nights and fall into a depression just at the sight of a couple holding hands or kissing, sometimes I just wanna give up and stay the guy that I was. Now on that note I wanna add that I know I cant do that cause I would regret that choice for the rest of my life and would never be fully happy with not being my true self. I know that most of us all go through this. I know that most responces will be try a dating site or go out and meet ppl I just wanna state I live in a place that has literally only one LGBT bar in the entire state sadly pluse its a very not accepting place around here either! Idk my biggest issue is that a lot of times because of where I live I still present male when I go out which kills me (until I move) so if I meet a girl she sees me as a guy and if I do meet someone I'm always honest about my trans status cause I hate lying and huge on honesty so I don't want there to be any miss leading which always leads to a lets be friends thing. which usually I'm fine with just dishearting. its one thing to date someone and after awhile and relize your GID than to come out to that person down the road knowingly going in your Trans just seems so wrong to me and not fair to that person. So that being said leads to my delema and was wondering if anyone has had these troubles, experiances or advise of any kind would be gretly appreciated.

       Ok well I also stated in the beganing that a lot of times I think about giving up on my transition...Well a part of it was what I stated above but other parts of it are that I feel that I'm never going to get this right that I'm always going to be "a guy in a dress" kinda thing to ppl and never seen as the woman that I truly am! My biggest hurdle is my voice I've been trying for over a year now practicing sevral hours a day while I work and I cant seem to get it. My voice is something that is very important to me and I still sadly sound like a guy no matter what I do. So that causes a lot of problems for me. Also wanna state that I'm basicly doing this transition alone, so I haven't gotten a lot of experince's of going out or anything for that mater. A lot of this I know is my emotitions are running rampant due to the hormones and as much as I try to look at all this logicaly, once the emotions kick in as we all know logic flys out the window sort to speak. I mean theres like a lot more to all this but like I said before I'm not great at expressing myself. This is just something that has been weighing heavily on me these last few months.

I wanna say thank you to everyone who reads this and please share any insight, thought, experiances and advise if you want. I hope this hasn't come across to whiney or anything and thanks for letting me vent of sorts!!

First Adria you are so beautiful. There is no way you should think of yourself as a "guy in a dress", period.

It is smart to be open and honest with anyone who shows you attention and may want to have a relationship one day. There is no way a relationship would survive having started out on a lie. You cant give up though. I am 48 now and have a long road to SRS, but I hold out hope every day that I might actually meet someone special in the future. I am alone, but I am not lonely. I hope to meet someone who will love me even if I have not been through SRS yet and stick by me. I think things happen when we least expect them to, at least that has been my experience. As for dating sites, no, you will not get that advice from me. I do believe in living life and exposing my personality and true self to people though by such simple activities as shopping and being out and about though. True love will never be FedExed unless you are a rich monarch some where. Go find it girl!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 15, 2014, 11:01:21 PM
First Adria you are so beautiful. There is no way you should think of yourself as a "guy in a dress", period.

It is smart to be open and honest with anyone who shows you attention and may want to have a relationship one day. There is no way a relationship would survive having started out on a lie. You cant give up though. I am 48 now and have a long road to SRS, but I hold out hope every day that I might actually meet someone special in the future. I am alone, but I am not lonely. I hope to meet someone who will love me even if I have not been through SRS yet and stick by me. I think things happen when we least expect them to, at least that has been my experience. As for dating sites, no, you will not get that advice from me. I do believe in living life and exposing my personality and true self to people though by such simple activities as shopping and being out and about though. True love will never be FedExed unless you are a rich monarch some where. Go find it girl!

Thank you so much Jessica for saying I'm pretty made my day but yeah I know your right it does happen when you least expect it too. I mean I'm not out there looking for it either its just that before hormones it never bothered me but for some reason unknown to me the hormones have latched onto that feeling of being single and ran with it lol but that's the thing I want an actual real relationship not a fling. Well to be truthfully honest I think I'm falling for my good friend I mean she is everything I have ever wanted in a person but sadly she's straight. I mean we have alked about it in the past she said if I wasn't going through this it might've worked out but that's the thing I want someone who is going to fully accept me as a person and for who I am. but mainly if anything its the emotional side of the loneliness that gets to me the most. thank you for taking the time to share with me

Hi Adria,

It's a tough one I know. The only thing I can say is that for a person in your situation (path to transition) it's an imperative for you to be in community with like minded souls. It's damn near impossible to do this solo. You just have to do what you have to do, to make that happen. Otherwise you will fall off your bike.

Transitioning is not really the best time to court relationships either. The dynamic changes you go through, the research and understanding you have to take on board is absolutely mammoth. To have someone follow you through that alone is a tough call. I don't know of many that have that insight and vision.

Even if you can find a group that's is say 100 or 200 miles away, that you could make a weekend out of would be better than nothing.

Huggs
Catherine

Thank you Catherine that's the otherside of it too that I've thought about I mean until I can get a handle on things and work on my self first I cant make a relationship work either. Like I said I m not the best at explaining myself there's so much else I wanted to say on all aspects just wouldn't come out right lol As for doing it alone I might have miss represented that I mean I have very loving friends here and family out of state and long time friends from back home and as much as I have a great support system they can only give so much advise the best they can cause 1. they've never gone through this and 2. they've never dealt with this before so its a new road for them as well

Good to hear the great news Adria,

The support system you have is good. Just getting out with them over a cup of coffee, talking about day to day matters, nothing specifically related to transitioning is a way to learn how you're going to cope in the long run. That way too, they can earn to understand you better as a person.

Shopping with the girls is such a dynamic in itself alone. It's a life experience worth living.

Huggs
Catherine

Hey Adria. Sorry to hear about the rough patch. I've been there and know it is no fun at all. Can you find a few people to have a conversation with in your femme voice? People who won't mind if you go off register? People who can give you honest feedback? I find I'm a bit self-conscious when I start using my voice in public but once I get going I find I'm much more comfortable. A bit hard if you feel like you don't have anyone in your life. Sounds like you're feeling very self-conscious about your presentation and this might be holding you back from greater interaction with people and giving them a chance to know you as the beautiful woman you are! Maybe working on confidence could be a way forward?
Hugs
Grace