I'm going through a tough time right now and need to talk about it. I just found the person who I had considered my closest friend, a guy I had been seeing on and off for the past year and a half and have known for six years, had completely betrayed me. To make a long story short, he was involved with several women at once without us knowing about each other, was abusive to all of us, pressured me into having unprotected sex with him and was dishonest about his history, pathologically lied about almost everything, spread lies about all of his friends and tried to pit people against each other . . . it goes on.
To back track, recently, he started to seem interested in me again and told me I was the only one for him. Then I caught him with another girl and instead of acknowledging the situation, he became abusive. Then I received a phone call from another woman he had been seeing. It turned out he had gotten her to put him on his phone plan after convincing her that they'd be together for a long time, then started ignoring her and being abusive to her. She had been monitoring his phone calls, listening to his voicemails and contacting the other people in his life. She wanted us to compare notes and then confront him. I went along with it for a little while and in doing so discovered how abusive and what a liar he was.
Things got worse from there and I didn't want to be involved anymore. I cut off all contact with him and got myself out of the situation.
There was a lot of weird stuff going on. The whole time, he kept accusing me of having plans to have sex with pretty much anyone I talked to. He'd demand that I give him names of random people in my life so he could check up on them. I finally just took my Facebook account offline to make myself harder to stalk, and started taking other measures to protect my safety.
It's all been really traumatic, but oddly, it's caused me to re-examine my gender identity. He didn't want me to be trans. He loved my masculinity but pressured me to ID as female. Meanwhile, he didn't seem attracted to my female body. He was sort of unenthusiastic about things like kissing, never looked at me as though he was attracted, etc. Then I'd catch him obviously checking out other guys and flirting with some of our bi guy friends. I never saw him check out a woman or flirt with a woman the way he did with men. I tried to talk to him about this several times and he got really defensive. In fact, I think it inspired him to both keep me close to him and try to hurt me. I should have just walked away and not said anything. I'll never know for sure, but it ended up looking as though he was creating drama with women in order to avoid facing his own sexual identity. I'm sure he's also just an abusive person on top of that.
Seeing how miserable this guy is and how much havoc he's creating in other people's lives is a wake-up call that living in denial of a part of your identity is a really bad idea. I also think that by failing to transition, I'm attracting people in similarly unhealthy circumstances. This has been an awful week and there may be worse to come, but at least I seem to be learning and growing from it.
