Thank you so much for posting your letter, Stephanie. I've been intending to write a coming-out letter to my sister and BIL for months now, but met with the worst case of writer's block ever. I haven't written a single word yet, but this weekend I think it's finally starting to come together in my mind. I came here to Susan's Place forums hoping to find an example, and yours has inspired me so well, I know I can do it now.
My Mom already knows, and is against it, but she's been keeping it a secret from the rest of the family for years. Mom's Irish, but culturally takes after that Anglo froideur that others have discussed here, including the very heavy denial. When I visited last Christmastime, she was giving me a hard time about wearing makeup in front of everyone. (It was just a little bit!) It was the first time my father, sisters, BILs, and nephews had seen me since I began. They had to have noticed I looked way different from before, but everyone pretended nothing had changed. It was an extremely painful and stressful visit for me, being forced into the closet. Ever since then I've known the sooner I come out to them all and get this over with, the better.
During the visit, I was so desperate to come out of the closet, I planned to say it to everyone over the dinner table one night. But then my Dad started reading from his new joke book, including humor that he knew would specially appeal to me, and we all had such a lighthearted time, the moment just wasn't right for coming out. So now my plan is to come out to my sisters one at a time, and I chose to write to the youngest one first, thinking I probably have the best chance of acceptance with her.
Steph, your letter rocked. I was going to include the major points you covered there, but much more briefly. I don't want to overwhelm them with a huge amount of information at once. I thought it might be better to fit it onto a single handwritten page and just say the essentials. I've heard advice not to beg for acceptance--so as not to put them on the spot requiring an immediate answer, they might need time to absorb it and come to terms with it--and not to cry about all the suffering I've been through. This makes sense to me. I've been told that the best way to come out is simply to say this is who I am, this is real and serious and medically necessary for my well-being. And that's that. (Not in so many blunt words, of course, this is the gist of it.) That showing myself strong and confident in my identity tends to bring the best response. That's what I liked so much about your letter, Steph.
And having stated the facts briefly, invite them to ask any questions they want, and maybe a URL or two referring them to some online Transsexualism 101, and invite them to check out this information if they're interested in understanding my situation better. Sound like a plan? Can anyone recommend a good online FAQ to refer family members to? Is there a brochure for this?
Posted on: June 24, 2007, 06:40:26 PM
Well, reading Steph's letter a couple weeks ago was what helped me to finally break through that writer's block and get my letter written. Good job, Steph!
Steph added my letter to the wiki page as a sample. Let me know what you think, folks.
I mailed the letters over a week ago--they would have received them on July 2--but I've been met with absolute stone silence. No pressure on them, if they choose to reply it's up to them, but I have notified them I'm moving forward with my life. Whether anyone is with me or I have to go on all alone, I can't hold back any longer.
