I've found out about this forum while I was googling transition. I found this forum to be a wonderful source of help with wonderful people in it

I'm 22 years old and living in San Francisco Bay Area. I really want to transition to female. I feel much happier dressing femininely and just being female. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I cringe at my masculine features. I regret having to act as a male during my adolescent years so that I could protect myself. You may wonder why I have to protect myself when the SF Bay Area is generally thought as very LGBT friendly, but I had to live my life in the poverty-stricken, ghetto parts of the East Bay and it was a very unfriendly place live. My female self did not feel safe and I had to lock it away and have a masculine exterior. I regret having to rigorously lift weights which I am thinking have contributed to higher levels of testosterone which in turn increased my masculine features(square chin, squarish jaw, etc).

As my life has gotten better and as I went to a good community college, the lock gradually loosened. Now I am in the process of disintegrating my male costume and be who I really want to be. A good friend of mine referred me to this big trans group in the heart of San Francisco that offers plenty of healthcare, resources, referrals and contacts. I just went there and felt very happy that I was able to meet with other people who are in the same position as I was in and get plenty of help and resources. I didn't feel so isolated and helpless. Now, the only thing that's delaying me is waiting for my very first HRT appointment, waiting a call back from an SF LGBTQ friendly mental health therapist, getting financial help, and getting good referrals on surgeons. Also I am considering delaying my college education so that I can transition ASAP with no regrets. This thread has greatly helped me

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,156892.0.html

I want to live the rest of my life as female!

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I feel jealous and happy of Kim Petras



She is the youngest transgirl to live. I just wished I had gone through a more supportive, safer environment than the one I went through. She does not have to deal with the "damages" of testosterone and had a supportive group to fall back to. Actually, if I have the choice to be reborn again to a better life, better condition, better family, I will pick female without hesitation.

A big warm welcome to the family! You are never too old to transition. Just look at my avatar picture, can you believe she used to be a 28 year career Paramedic/Firefighter? I wish I had come out and started earlier too, but I am happy now and that is all that matters. I hope you have a smooth transition and can live the life you repressed all of those years past. Feel free to rant, vent, share good news and have a little distracting fun while you are with us. Here is a BIG HUG( ) to welcome you and start your new life off right!

A very warm and sunny southern California welcome Valsharae! 

You are in one of the best areas of the country and the state, for transition resources.  There are many, many topics here that list them.  You might be able to find some resources in our site's Wiki.

No one will fault you for "surviving."  That is the first instinct.

And we have some great members in the greater Bay Area.  I am glad you found us.

These links will help you navigate the site:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

All the best, Jamie 

Gasp!  You stole my introduction title!  How dare you!? 

Welcome Valsharae, from a fellow newbie to the site.  You are in for a great discovery and experience here.  They call the community a family, and let me tell you that's exactly what it is.  Everyone here is incredible and wonderful and warm and welcoming.  You're surrounded by a great many people that understand you and get what you're going through and willing to help or just listen when you need them.  You get to benefit from their combined experience and share yours with them.

This is an amazing place and you'll love it here.

Aww! It feels so good to be welcomed for who I am. Hugs to everyone! ( ). I was afraid and hesitant to look at my intro thread again for fear that it might not be as welcoming due to my past experiences posting somewhere else.



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After going through all this empowerment and love, this is how I feel now



Pretty happy and in high spirits




Right now, I'm just feeling impatient and fidgety playing the waiting game. I also have to deal with work/schooling and the red tape that goes with it. If only life was more like Sims 3, where you can change who you want to be on the fly.... oh how it would be a better place to live!

Hugs.  Sorry you had a bad experience somewhere else.  And I hope this forum and your experiences here are nothing but positive and that you'll never have to be scared to look at replies again.

I myself believe that this is the best site in the World .My thanks go out to all the gut's and gal's that post here .I know that there is a wealth of knowledge and experience here that will be as big a help to you as it was  and still is for Me

Hugs Anita

Having been a moderator in times past, I know that the staff does its best to make sure that the site is safe and welcoming for all members of the TG/TS community.  But with over 8,000 members (many of them active because we purge our membership roles of inactive accounts on a regular basis), it is incumbent on the membership to help with security.

Welcome to Susan's, sweetie! First off, let me reiterate Jessica's assertion that you are never to old to start, and at 22, you are still very young I gotta tell ya, great bunch of people here, I have read some beautiful sentiments here and have seen wise advice. When I told my therapist (she specializes in trans issues) that I was spending time here, she expressed encouragement, saying that she rates this board very highly. The family here is supportive without coddling, you know, genuine. And don't forget the fun bits, that's here too, eh? I visit a couple of other boards, but this one is definitely Home

Hi Valsharae and welcome to Susan's.

I'm going to go rant because I just don't have anyone close who I can really talk to ATM. You don't have to read it if you feel uncomfortable with it


I feel very angry and frustrated with my life. I told my family about myself and they aren't very supportive. They were fine with me dressing femininely so I thought I would go to the next step. I have religious, conservative, Roman Catholic, traditional families and I hate them a lot.

I have to wait a month for my very first HRT, I have a bad socio-economic life, I was born in the wrong body, don't know anyone close who I can go back into. Life just sucks. I hate my life and I just want to end the suffering.

I called 2 other transgender services in SF to start on my HRT. One was not responding and the other didn't like my current health insurance. I called and emailed the mental health therapist that was recommended by the big trans organization but haven't heard back from her yet. There are meetings/group discussions from Tue to Fri at the trans organization.... I'll be going to one tomorrow, but it just feels like a month to me. I'm becoming impatient and fidgety. I really need to get support and start on my process.

I will never allow another spirit to inhabit a body that I will give birth to. I do not want the person to be born to suffer the same fate of not having the choice to be who they really want to be and the life they really want to be in. Because from my personal experience, to give birth to someone is to take away their choice of who they want to be and the conditions they want to be born in. Biological birth is through random genetic shuffling and I do not want the person to be born to be unhappy getting a bad combination. For this life I am living, never for the entirety of it will I give birth to another human being. This is how I feel and I'm not going to budge from it.

FML


Anyways.... I need help sorting out my decision. This is what I want to do right now

1) Start on my transition process
    -Problem: I have to sort out my health insurance so that it can pay for the transitioning. Also have to play the freakin' waiting game

2) Find another place that I can afford in the Bay Area so I don't have to live with my family anymore
    -Problem: Bay Area is an expensive place to live and the only job I'm qualified to do are ->-bleeped-<-ty minimum wage jobs. That's why I'm going to college. At least I'm getting "paid" to go to classes. I don't really know what to do with my housing situation

3) Get a degree to better my socio-economic status
   -Problem: I don't feel like living 3-4 years identified as a male anymore. I want to start my transition like right now. So, I'm thinking of putting off my education for a bit. I'm planning on getting a major and a minor, hence the longer years. I have already completed most of my lower division requirements though. I have almost enough credits to get an AA so I may get an AA and be happy that I have done something

4) Find a good LGBT friendly job that can support me financially
   -Problem: I just don't know where to start..... Maybe the SF trans group can help point to the right way


I don't want to be seen as a rambling loony, but I don't know where else to vent my frustration and anger at life

I'm sorry your family is not onboard with your transition.  That is too often the case.

Continuing your education so you can move up in the world is a great idea.  College is a good place to explore and express your identity.

I have a feeling, once you get on HRT, you will lose a lot of your anxiety.  MtF transition does not happen overnight.  Your body will need time to catch up to your soul.  Use that time well and complete your 4-year degree.

Quote from: valsharae on February 25, 2014, 12:46:57 AM
I'm going to go rant because I just don't have anyone close who I can really talk to ATM. You don't have to read it if you feel uncomfortable with it
...
I don't want to be seen as a rambling loony, but I don't know where else to vent my frustration and anger at life

Val... as a Canadian I am eminently qualified to recognize "looney", hell we even use them as a unit of currency.



I see no looney here, my dear, and little sister, this is where you can vent and where others sharing a similar journey will listen. I will echo JdlR's comment concerning HRT. It's not magic pixie dust, it takes time, but soon after you start, (a matter of a couple of weeks) you will start to feel "better". Fix the brain, the body will follow.

Stay in school while you transition, you have time on your side.

Thanks for the kind and encouraging replies! I'm feeling much better, calmer, and clearheaded now that I have gotten the help I need in real life. Things are starting to look better for me 

Hi Valsharae,

I'm Lina, I'm new here as well

I just wanted to write to you because I can relate to the hyper masculine weight lifting... I did in my teenage and twenties years in the military.  I just wanted to say don't feel bad, because you obviously have the discipline and will to have built your body up.  Now you can use that same discipline and will to lose the muscle and reshape it.  I was able through exercise to erase all the years of weightlifting to shape my body into a  feminine passable one and I have not started HRT yet. As I got smaller and loss the mass my face changed as well too!!  So if you couple the HRT with good exercise habits, I'm sure you will be amazing!!! Good luck