It  seems if your transitioning and your pre op and dating or trying to date your going to have to tell sooner or later unless you remain platonic friends. How do you think you can tell someone with the least collateral damage.

Hi Stephanie,

Touchie topic, isn't it. I'd be inclined to say, as this will have different actions with different potential partners. Generally, and I'd say very generally, it'd be when you can determine there is adequate trust in the relationship to work through it and if you see the relationship as long term.

Hope it goes well for you. That's a bridge yet to be crossed.

Huggs
Catherine

I am married, so not exactly an expert. But by coming out many times, I am getting a feel for who are the people to tell and when. It is not something I like to hide unless it might cost me money.

I told my last partner long before we got together. We were friends first. Alison and I knew each other for about 2 years, she met me not long after I'd started hormones and had seen me change and grow in to me.. She then fell for me.

The only surprise in the whole deal is that she fell for me, I was the first (and only) woman she was ever with.

I have been married for many, many years.  When I was 100% sure that I was trans and came out to myself, I came out to my wife that same day.  I did NOT want to hide anything and risk screwing up my marriage over that.  I didn't know that the odds against me were something like 9 to 1 just for being out as trans, but I'm sure they would have been even worse if my wife somehow found out that I was keeping this from her.

Quote from: stephaniec on February 24, 2014, 08:10:57 PM
It  seems if your transitioning and your pre op and dating or trying to date your going to have to tell sooner or later unless you remain platonic friends. How do you think you can tell someone with the least collateral damage.

i think most people i meet know from the start lol.. i mean how can some one not notice .. i look like  a bird and sound like a farmer, then again i go for a the alternative type any way.

Quote from: jebee on February 24, 2014, 10:45:50 PM
i think most people i meet know from the start lol.. i mean how can some one not notice .. i look like  a bird and sound like a farmer, then again i go for a the alternative type any way.

Just say you dating someone as your birth gender but your transitioning to the opposite gender when along the process would you tell them or just let them see you change.

I guess it would be an interesting topic for a dinner date. If I were to meet someone and started dating regularly . I guess you could just start a conversation around people transitioning. I use to work with a ftm so it would be easy to get a conversation going .kind of get an idea of how successful the idea of telling would be. Of course I guess it depends if your dating male or female too. I suppose its a lot easier to tell a potential male partner if your starting off male and going female , but if the male is dating you because your male I don't know. If hormones have done a great job and your very lucky to look like the new gender then I guess your in a pickle. I guess it's complicated unless you state first off and take your chances.

Quote from: stephaniec on February 25, 2014, 08:22:47 PM
I guess it would be an interesting topic for a dinner date. If I were to meet someone and started dating regularly . I guess you could just start a conversation around people transitioning. I use to work with a ftm so it would be easy to get a conversation going .kind of get an idea of how successful the idea of telling would be. Of course I guess it depends if your dating male or female too. I suppose its a lot easier to tell a potential male partner if your starting off male and going female , but if the male is dating you because your male I don't know. If hormones have done a great job and your very lucky to look like the new gender then I guess your in a pickle. I guess it's complicated unless you state first off and take your chances.

I met and dated a few guys as a woman pre-transition who didn't know, and I guess I didn't end up being invested enough in any of them to reveal, but I would have if I did. The most substantial relationship I had during that period was with someone who continues to be a really good friend. We slept together both pre and post-transition, which was kinda crazy.

Quote from: mandonlym on February 25, 2014, 09:35:31 PM
I met and dated a few guys as a woman pre-transition who didn't know, and I guess I didn't end up being invested enough in any of them to reveal, but I would have if I did. The most substantial relationship I had during that period was with someone who continues to be a really good friend. We slept together both pre and post-transition, which was kinda crazy.

I'm kind of on a friendship level with some one, but he already knows, so if it goes farther it would be cool.

Quote from: stephaniec on February 25, 2014, 12:22:48 PM
Just say you dating someone as your birth gender but your transitioning to the opposite gender when along the process would you tell them or just let them see you change.

I would hope they noticed but if not it would probably one of the first things i told them. I mean i tell my loved ones every thing, if i couldn't then they wouldn't be a loved one lol. To be fair though i dont say im a female i say im a ->-bleeped-<-. (apart from at work and boring ->-bleeped-<- like that were im female.)