First off, this site has been a life saver!

I've felt like I was supposed to be a boy since I was a kid, and in my teens I told my mom that I was born in the wrong body. She quickly ended the conversation with "God doesn't make mistakes", and I've spent the last almost 20 years feeling like I didn't belong anywhere. However, I've recently accepted that I'm transman, but I can't come out to my family because of their extreme religious beliefs and bigotry toward all things LGBT. To make matters worse, I'm stuck living with them for the foreseeable future since I don't have the money to live on my own, and if they find out that I've accepted being a transman, I'll be kicked out. I have a regular therapist that has helped me accept who I'm meant to be and a supportive aunt that unfortunately lives on the other side of the country and can't afford to help me out financially. So I spend most of my time hiding in my room.

I'm lucky in that I'm 5' 10" with broad shoulders, so I've been buying men's shirts for years, and I wear a men's size 12/13 shoe, so even being pre-T, I sometimes pass as a man in public. However, I haven't had luck finding men's pants that work with my horribly feminine hips and butt. Does anybody have any ideas? I currently just wear baggy non-stretch women's jeans or running pants.

Other than the wide hips you sound a lot like how I was for a long time. I spent 20+ years living as a female because I was told that life isn't perfect and some people just don't feel comfortable but it didn't make me a boy, just meant that I needed to get more confident and comfortable in my own skin. Anyways, if you have any excess body fat work on losing that. For females the body fat generally comes off the hip and butt last and goes on that area first. Broad shoulders help though with this look because the idea is you want your shoulders to be wider than your hips.

Anyways as far as pants go... I wear a lot of track and wind pants. I like the style and they're comfortable. For my build anyways they hide hips very well. Also  have a few pairs of pants such as khakis with the cargo pockets on the sides of the legs which widen that area making it no look like it goes out further in the hips but more straight down to the bulkier cargo pockets. When you buy pants make sure that they aren't snug in the hips as it will draw attention to them, but make sure they aren't baggy either. Baggier pants that cis men can often get away with don't often work as well for trans men especially earlier on in their transition when they still have the female body composition.

Good luck and welcome to Susans!

A big warm welcome to the family! I want you to know you are not alone in this and Susan is racking up quite the score with lives saved as mine was as well. I am glad you have found the strength to become the person you should have been. Feel free to rant, vent, learn, share good news (we like that a lot) and just have some fun and make new friends. It should take no time at all to see I am serious about this being a true family. The caring, compassion and sometimes tough love and honesty fills this place. One thing for sure is if you ask an opinion on something, you will get many different perspective's to make decisions with. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to welcome you and make you feel at home!

Quote from: overdrive on February 25, 2014, 01:18:39 PM
Other than the wide hips you sound a lot like how I was for a long time. I spent 20+ years living as a female because I was told that life isn't perfect and some people just don't feel comfortable but it didn't make me a boy, just meant that I needed to get more confident and comfortable in my own skin. Anyways, if you have any excess body fat work on losing that. For females the body fat generally comes off the hip and butt last and goes on that area first. Broad shoulders help though with this look because the idea is you want your shoulders to be wider than your hips.

Anyways as far as pants go... I wear a lot of track and wind pants. I like the style and they're comfortable. For my build anyways they hide hips very well. Also  have a few pairs of pants such as khakis with the cargo pockets on the sides of the legs which widen that area making it no look like it goes out further in the hips but more straight down to the bulkier cargo pockets. When you buy pants make sure that they aren't snug in the hips as it will draw attention to them, but make sure they aren't baggy either. Baggier pants that cis men can often get away with don't often work as well for trans men especially earlier on in their transition when they still have the female body composition.

Good luck and welcome to Susans!

Yeah, I think I passed better when I was younger because I was both tall and thin, but genetics caught up with me. I'm in the process of trying to lose weight though.

Thanks for the tips!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 25, 2014, 01:55:40 PM
A big warm welcome to the family! I want you to know you are not alone in this and Susan is racking up quite the score with lives saved as mine was as well. I am glad you have found the strength to become the person you should have been. Feel free to rant, vent, learn, share good news (we like that a lot) and just have some fun and make new friends. It should take no time at all to see I am serious about this being a true family. The caring, compassion and sometimes tough love and honesty fills this place. One thing for sure is if you ask an opinion on something, you will get many different perspective's to make decisions with. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to welcome you and make you feel at home!

Thank you! 

Welcome!  I hope you like it here

I have to say, by the Christian logic of God not making mistakes, He made you a transman for whatever divine purpose, so really your family can't get mad unless they want to be angry with God.

I have a similar situation to you in that I'm lucky to be big enough to pass as a guy most of the time (only 5'8" but broad shouldered too and close enough for most people I guess lol)

As for jeans, consider finding men's jeans that fit over your hips/butt, possibly in a slim straight sort of cut (not skinny, but are cut so they aren't baggy or sloppy looking).  Men's jeans are cut differently, and will fit your body differently which you have to get used to, but also will help give your body a more masculine shape.

Best of luck to you with your family and journey

Quote from: Polo on February 25, 2014, 10:31:41 PM
Welcome!  I hope you like it here

I have to say, by the Christian logic of God not making mistakes, He made you a transman for whatever divine purpose, so really your family can't get mad unless they want to be angry with God.

I have a similar situation to you in that I'm lucky to be big enough to pass as a guy most of the time (only 5'8" but broad shouldered too and close enough for most people I guess lol)

As for jeans, consider finding men's jeans that fit over your hips/butt, possibly in a slim straight sort of cut (not skinny, but are cut so they aren't baggy or sloppy looking).  Men's jeans are cut differently, and will fit your body differently which you have to get used to, but also will help give your body a more masculine shape.

Best of luck to you with your family and journey

Unfortunately, my family would think that's the devil talking so he can get me to sin, but this whole experience has allowed me to really define who I am separate from what my parents wanted me to be. It's been very liberating even with hiding it from them.

Thanks!

I don't have bad hips, but I do have quite a feminine butt, and the pants that work best for me are relaxed straight cut. The butt and thighs are relaxed, but they're cut so that they don't look huge and baggy.

We sound similarly built. I'm 5'10", 145lbs, size 10 shoe, little smaller than yours. my biggest issue is I have a very small waist, 30 inches at my thinest. 32 inches around my belly button. That tapers out to 34 around the ilium. 38 at the widest around my greater trochanter and upper butt. Upper thighs are 22 inches around. In the other direction 38 inches around my chest right up in my pits with 45 inches around my shoulders. I find slim mens jeans size 32 work for me but can be a little tight in the butt and around the greater trochanter area. anything cut bigger dwarfs my upper body and makes it look like I'm wearing parachute pants.

Quote from: CursedFireDean on February 26, 2014, 02:39:53 PM
I don't have bad hips, but I do have quite a feminine butt, and the pants that work best for me are relaxed straight cut. The butt and thighs are relaxed, but they're cut so that they don't look huge and baggy.

Thanks! I was thinking about trying relaxed because I thought they'd probably stand the best chance of being baggy where I need them without looking too baggy.

Quote from: anibioman on February 26, 2014, 07:04:47 PM
We sound similarly built. I'm 5'10", 145lbs, size 10 shoe, little smaller than yours. my biggest issue is I have a very small waist, 30 inches at my thinest. 32 inches around my belly button. That tapers out to 34 around the ilium. 38 at the widest around my greater trochanter and upper butt. Upper thighs are 22 inches around. In the other direction 38 inches around my chest right up in my pits with 45 inches around my shoulders. I find slim mens jeans size 32 work for me but can be a little tight in the butt and around the greater trochanter area. anything cut bigger dwarfs my upper body and makes it look like I'm wearing parachute pants.

We are very similarly built. I have a lot thinner waist too. I've always had issues with pants because of that, even women's pants never fit right. It's always a tradeoff of whether pants fit my hips and butt or my waist.

I'm not as tall as you but I was cursed with unusually wide hips for my height.  I second the 'relaxed' fit jeans and the cargo pants idea.  You might also look into pants that fit you in the hips/waist area but have longer legs and simply get them hemmed.  Getting an article hemmed is pretty inexpensive even at a tailor and if you or a friend have any interest in sewing it's easily done.  Just make sure they fit reasonably well in the crotch or you'll look shorter than you are and probably be uncomfortable to boot.  If you pack, I recommend you wear your packer while you try on pants.  It will DRASTICALLY affect how they fit on you.  I speak from experience as I have a pair of jeans that I can't wear with my packer because they get too tight in the crotch and are uncomfortable.

If all else fails, elastic waist basketball type pants and board shorts work well in casual environments during the warm months.