Hey all,

I haven't been on Susan's in a while. Even though this forum has helped me so much in the year and a half or so since I joined, I have hit a relatively comfortable part in my life and haven't needed to come here for a sort of mental boost like I used to. I'm sure therapists would probably cringe at that statement, as I should be more consistent with things that help me mentally rather than only go to them when things seem to be at their worst.

Anyways, down to business.

Internally, I have come out to myself. As silly as it sounds, I used to doubt every fiber of who I was. I've always known I'm transgender, but this didn't make the knowledge and anxiety of being transgender any easier. I have went a good year now almost knowing who I am, and not questioning myself, but looking outward and questioning how I will present myself to the world. I have reached the point where I feel ready to come out to at least to the person I love and trust the most in my life; my wife.

The problem is, how?

- Writing a letter seems almost impersonal, given that I share every other bit of my life with her.
- Just spitting it out may be just as bad. Plus I want to give her my full story.
- Finally, if I explain it off the cuff it is guaranteed to be a confused mess

So I want to hear what my friends at Susan's can suggest. Please be honest, and please include additional steps I should take to help this process.

Thank you all,

Ellie

You already have taken the very first important step, being honest and accepting yourself. How you tell others is up to you. I don't like giving letters out and did not do that. I put everything down on paper, then gathered my family. I asked them to hold off on questions until I was sure I covered all the points I had to make. When I was done I then asked for questions. Be prepared to explain Gender Dysphoria and all the things it can cause such as depression, sleep problems and moodiness. Let them know that there is treatment (HRT) and what it entails. Then tell them why transitioning is important and how it will make you happier and whole as a person. Expect some really tough questions and stay calm and sure of yourself. If you have a Therapist be sure to tell them why they were needed and transition is just not a spontaneous decision for which you are prepared for.

I used my friends and family letter for everyone but for my close family i said it out loud and left the letter for them to review when needed.

Trying to wing things makes for forgotten things that need to be said.

Wish you luck and if you have resistance just walk away and let them time to try to understand. Never push the issue and do not stand there and try to defend your personal feelings.

Hugs
Isabell