I expect many of you have read my postings before. I am basicly caught between self denial and fear.
I know deep down, that my mind doesn't fit with what I see in mirror. But I am so scared to face my issues.
I have no confidence. I am anxious. I feel guilt at myself for feeling this way. Theres a fight in my head to supress my feminine feelings and each day its hurting me more trying be the man that people expect me to be.
I think I should open up and tell someone about these feelings, but I am absolutely terrified to open up. I am scared what will happen once I cross that line. I keep thinking about whether ringing some kind of helpline would help me.
I dress in secret and used to try on my mothers clothes when I was younger. Its just something that has felt somehow instinctive and somehow comfortable.
I see the females in my life and I feel jealous of them - being confident in their own skin and body. I wish I could feel like that about myself.
I wish my body matched the inside.

seems like a good time to seek out a transgender therapist

You can setup small, easy to accomplish things to boost your confidence. It has worked wonders for my confidence, rather than just jumping right into something.

Also, yeah what stephaniec said, therapy would probably do you good.

You do not need to be in conflict or under stress.  A discussion with a competent gender therapist will do wonders for you.  It will help you start to understand and get to know yourself.  Angst, torture and despair need not be a permanent feature of your life.  Most of us hesitated over taking what is a very simple thing - taking the first step.  It is as easy as that.

Safe travels

Aisle

Quote from: delyth ann on February 28, 2014, 10:15:41 AM
I expect many of you have read my postings before. I am basicly caught between self denial and fear.
I know deep down, that my mind doesn't fit with what I see in mirror. But I am so scared to face my issues.
I have no confidence. I am anxious. I feel guilt at myself for feeling this way. Theres a fight in my head to supress my feminine feelings and each day its hurting me more trying be the man that people expect me to be.
I think I should open up and tell someone about these feelings, but I am absolutely terrified to open up. I am scared what will happen once I cross that line. I keep thinking about whether ringing some kind of helpline would help me.
I dress in secret and used to try on my mothers clothes when I was younger. Its just something that has felt somehow instinctive and somehow comfortable.
I see the females in my life and I feel jealous of them - being confident in their own skin and body. I wish I could feel like that about myself.
I wish my body matched the inside.

Delyth Ann, it sounds to me like this gender dysphoria has been with you for a while.

What do you think might happen if you "cross the line" and talk about these feelings?

Please find a Therapist with Gender experience. I see it as two choices you have right now. Accept yourself and live a happy and free life or live like you are now with this battle going on every day of your life. I can personally tell you Dysphoria cant be pushed to the back of your mind forever, it gets more powerful each and every day. You should feel no guilt or shame at all. Don't let society force you to live a lie as it only tears you down and shortens your life expectancy. Live for YOU, not everyone else. Yes I lost a LOT in my life, but I gained more than I could have ever imagined!

Hi

PM if you want some help finding someone in Sydney or want to talk.
I can point you in the right direction and make it easy for you if you like.
I found some very helpful and easy to talk to people who know what to do.

The hardest step is the first but they didn't laugh, but listened and even made the necessary appointments for me.

I was scared silly so you're not alone

Jen