One thing I've unfortunately never really related to (and perhaps it's just me) is when transsexuals refer to themselves as "special" or "blessed" BECAUSE they are transsexuals.  While gays have "gay pride," some will, on occassion, say that they wouldn't wish being gay on their worst enemies.  I guess, given society's inclination to look down on minorities -- to be bigotted -- logically, it just seems a heck of a lot easier to be "average."  I could have saved myself a lot of money and tears.  I know what some will say -- Yes, I TOO had plenty of tears throughout my life because of gender dysphoria and, for me, it was "transition or die."  Unfortunately, I definitely underestimated the grief and suicidal thoughts I'd encounter in the process of transitioning (I'm post op as of 1999).  "Treating" transsexualism as a "mental disorder," necessary to get the SRS permission letter, added extra grief to the transition process for me and certainly didn't make me feel "blessed."  The transition process, with everyone around me at work AWARE that I was transitioning, made me feel like damaged goods.  Bigotry is a cruel thing to endure.  I'd have done better to just move away and start a new life.  Afer my operations, a psychologist encouraged me to say aloud, like a mantre, "I'm proud of being a transsexual."  I couldn't help but think of the joke about the paranoid person's lament: "If everyone hated you, you'd be paranoid, too."

I realize that highly intelligent people are, by definition, special and blessed.  But we're, at times, our own worst enemies.  Are we intelligent like Einstein who succeeded while alive, or are we "special" like Vincent van Gogh, someone who was obviously gifted but led a difficult life.  I still can't understand how someone so brilliant only sold one painting in his whole life.  How can the beauty of his paintings not be self-evident to all?

In that manner, I feel "special," yes, but definitely not "blessed."  I'd be grateful if you could help me change my mind about this.  I know I have certain capacities, like seeing from both sides of the gender spectrum, that most people do not have.  I know I'm more creative than most people.  But, modestly, my intelligence can be the most stupid side of me.  I don't have the internal fortitude, like many in this room, to say "the hell with everyone else."  My weakness -- and I don't think I'm alone in this -- is the common human desire to be accepted and, yes, loved.

Teri Anne

I feel very blessed to have the life I have.  I feel extremely happy and blessed to be living a life that finally makes sense to me.  I feel very blessed to be a woman.  I don't see myself as a transsexual (just as I don't see myself as "chicken pox") since transsexuality is merely a label to name a medical condition and not the essence of who I am, a woman.

tink

Hi Teri Anne.

Firstly I have never felt special or indeed blessed to go through a process that changed my world upside down completely and cost me a part of my life both emotionally and of course financially.

The process we go through does involve for some people, heartache, stress, a great deal of hurt and crying and constant negativity about ones life, appearance and how we will be viewed and accepted in society.

I do feel blessed however that despite all the above, I am by far a more happy, contented, well balanced person than I started off as many years ago.

I do feel special in that I have managed to let go of the past, vanquished my demons and can look forward, rather than constantly looking back with regret. History is purely that, what happened, what I had to do was a consequence of what I was, not what I am today. My aim is to ensure my future history is special and blessed, not dwell on the negativity of the past.

We all desire to be accepted and loved, the nature of most humans is they are sociable beings. For many years after SRS, I did not want to form relationships, to afraid of what would happen or people may think. But that has changed, life has only two certainties, birth and death and we can choose to do what we want in between. I no longer fear the future, I actively involve myself in life and relationships, otherwise what I would be is a Female version of my old self, with the same hang ups and issues I had as a guy.

To lead a fulfilling and rewarding life, involves taking risks, I am prepared to do that, I am prepared to go into relationships to find that person who accepts and loves me for who I am, the alternative is to not bother and miss out on what could be the very thing I seek.

The old saying "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is so true, without that risk there can be no reward.

I am not special, nor blessed to have gone through transition, but I sure am going to enjoy my life to the full as the woman I truly am.

Buffy

I feel special, and blessed. The reason I feel that way is not because I have not had my fair share of hardships, but because I have been given a unique station in life. By spending 42 years in the enemy camp, I know things about men, I am not supposed to know. Behavior that men will just not allow women to see. Just as women have behaviors they never allow men to see. That means I get to intimately know the true nature of humanity in a way that a non-transsexual person never will.

While there are many things about men's behavior that I don't understand, I have pretty much seen how men really behave, and it's nothing like what women think it is. There are a lot of women who have been my friends over the years because I have been willing to violate the "dude code" and give up information about the true nature of men. Women are always asking me, "my boyfriend says this, what does he really mean?". And no matter what he says, the answer is "because he wants to have sex with you", in one way or another. That is his only interest in you. They never believe it, and then later come back and say, "you were right".

Having said that, I also get to see the true nature of women, something they never show to men. I mean, yeah there are women who consider me to still be in the enemy camp, but there are also many who after talking to me, realize I am a woman and then open up to me like any other woman. And even if that is not the case, it seems that way to me, which is good enough.

It almost puts me in a superior position. Even when I don't pass, I still get the same courtesy as if I did pass. So? if people are willing to act as if I am passing? What is the difference between that and actually passing? Only what they say behind my back. Stuff I never hear and is not a part of my experience. People can talk all they want about how I am this or that, but if in the end they still treat me the same as they would if I were passing, who cares? This is special treatment. If one gets special treatment, than one must be special.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Quote from: Tink on August 13, 2007, 03:16:49 AM
I feel very blessed to have the life I have.  I feel extremely happy and blessed to be living a life that finally makes sense to me.  I feel very blessed to be a woman.  I don't see myself as a transsexual (just as I don't see myself as "chicken pox") since transsexuality is merely a label to name a medical condition and not the essence of who I am, a woman.

tink

im with the vain bird on this....

Transexuality is something that happened to me and it doesnt define me, its certainly not something im AT ALL happy about.
if you like this, or are happy about being 'transexual' maybe, just maybe, your nuts....

R

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 07:00:44 AM

Quote from: Tink on August 13, 2007, 03:16:49 AM
I feel very blessed to have the life I have.  I feel extremely happy and blessed to be living a life that finally makes sense to me.  I feel very blessed to be a woman.  I don't see myself as a transsexual (just as I don't see myself as "chicken pox") since transsexuality is merely a label to name a medical condition and not the essence of who I am, a woman.

tink

im with the vain bird on this....

Transexuality is something that happened to me and it doesnt define me, its certainly not something im AT ALL happy about.
if you like this, or are happy about being 'transexual' maybe, just maybe, your nuts....

R

I never said I was happy about it, but as I see it we are not defined by our happiest times, what truly gives us character and the spirit to carry on is overcoming our lowest times. It is those hardships that make us who we are. But at the same time, I feel I am lucky to have been one who endured the hardship in exchange for the knowledge I gained from it. Our life is just an experience. I was lucky enough to be one of the ones to see things both ways, even though it has been difficult. Get it?

Love always,
Elizabeth

not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:09:39 AM
not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R

I can not speak for you Rachael, only you know what has made you the person you are. However the simple fact that you have brought it up as something you wish not to define you, tells me that at least in this regard, it already has. How else could you know that it is something you don't want to define you?

Love always,
Elizabeth

correction: something i wont ever use or allow to define me....

R

No, Teri Anne,

I don't feel blessed with transsexuality. That was a stage I passed through, kinda like adolescence, both of them!

I feel blessed in having my sons and their love and respect. I feel blessed in having a partner who shares my life, all its ups and downs, who grants me the opportunity to allow my love to grow and thrive with her. Unlike Deana Carter I don't lament: Is this what I shaved my legs for.   

I feel blessed to be able to write this to you.

Life is good: not perfect with my desires all the time, but perfect in that I am able to live and grow.

I doubt that anyone ever has greater blessings than those. Provided that they can see and accept them as the blessings they are.

Nichole

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 07:00:44 AM

Quote from: Tink on August 13, 2007, 03:16:49 AM
I feel very blessed to have the life I have.  I feel extremely happy and blessed to be living a life that finally makes sense to me.  I feel very blessed to be a woman.  I don't see myself as a transsexual (just as I don't see myself as "chicken pox") since transsexuality is merely a label to name a medical condition and not the essence of who I am, a woman.

tink

im with the vain bird on this....

Transexuality is something that happened to me and it doesnt define me, its certainly not something im AT ALL happy about.
if you like this, or are happy about being 'transsexual' maybe, just maybe, your nuts....

R

Or, perhaps, you are able to see things on a deeper philosophical basis.

Blessed? Blessed? ha ha Yeeeeaaah. Sure.
I am blessed to have had a perfectly normal childhood. Blessed to have a high school diploma and decent education. Blessed to be married with 2.5 kids. Blessed to be the picture of perfect health. Blessed that my transition went off without a hitch. Blessed to be the successful family man that I am.

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:31:35 AM
correction: something i wont ever use or allow to define me....

R

Doesn't bringing up at all, allow it to define you? It is now attached to you. You have told the world on a public forum that you were raped. You don't think people are going to look at that and say "she is so brave to move forward with her life, unscathed by this incredibly traumatic event". If it were left unsaid, no one would think to attach it to you. If you don't want it to define you, then don't bring it up, because everything you bring up about yourself defines you, regardless of if people attach stereotypical meanings to such events, that do not alway occur, or not.

Love always,
Elizabeth

I don't consider myself special just because I'm trans, however I've gained much insight from my experiences of being trans, I could not have learned in any other way. That is indeed a blessing.

Zythyra

I certainly don't feel special, why would I?  And blessed, I never considered that I was blessed as I grew up.


Sarah L.

Quote from: Elizabeth on August 13, 2007, 09:11:52 AM

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:31:35 AM
correction: something i wont ever use or allow to define me....

R

Doesn't bringing up at all, allow it to define you? It is now attached to you. You have told the world on a public forum that you were raped. You don't think people are going to look at that and say "she is so brave to move forward with her life, unscathed by this incredibly traumatic event". If it were left unsaid, no one would think to attach it to you. If you don't want it to define you, then don't bring it up, because everything you bring up about yourself defines you, regardless of if people attach stereotypical meanings to such events, that do not alway occur, or not.

Love always,
Elizabeth

haha, i was raped? no, it was an example, mentioning somethin doesnt mean it defines you. ive 'mentioned' dislikeing cheese on chips, but that doesnt define me does it? yeesh, get over it.

I am blessed, not because I am trans but I am blessed to be who I am. I also feel blessed to be born late enough to be able to transition, even though in my case transition was not an option early. (That is an even bigger blessing for young transsexuals)

Not being able to feel blessed is just the self-pity ego mentality rearing it's head. It has taken a lot of work to shed this self-pity albatross for me and I still haven't slain the beast but I am getting there.

If we were not trans we wouldn't be ourselves, we would be someone else. There are individuals with far more debilitating conditions than we have who are able to see the big picture. The big picture is every time we breathe in and breathe out, we are blessed, every moment we live is a blessing, feeling gratitude, love, compassion, empathy, selflessness etc and a feeling of being blessed beats being attached to feelings of fear, lust, self-pity, envy, vanity, greed, hate, anger, etc.

I also feel very blessed to be a recovering alcoholic as well as having re-discovered my spirituality. There are so many reasons to feel blessed, I can't imagine feeling otherwise.

i serve that 'special cheese' sauce at work to drunkards, i know what goes in it...
R

Actually, likes and dislikes are things that define you, minor things when it comes to food , but still part of who you are.


BTW anyone who does not like nachos just may be nuts!  > > >

Quote from: melissa90299 on August 13, 2007, 10:13:01 AM
Actually, likes and dislikes are things that define you, minor things when it comes to food , but still part of who you are.


BTW anyone who does not like nachos just may be nuts!  > > >

Rach is British. She means fries. I too hate cheese on fries.