My boyfriend and me have been together for a few years. Recently he had come out to his parents as an FTM transgender, and they did not take it well. He does live with me, so being around them is not a daily thing. But obviously it still hurt him that his own parents could not accept him. My family does accept this transition, and would love to get him in to gender therapy ASAP. I guess what I am trying to say is that he DOES have a large support system (My family is BIG and LOVING). For awhile we tossed the idea of therapy at his parents and they didnt seem too interested, but alas, they decided they would do it for their son. BUT, in the process of his parents adjusting, and figuring out what to do, my boyfriend broke up with me (But did continue to LIVE with me), and began talking to other people. Not just anyone, but another male. This boy he was talking to, was all he would EVER talk about. After we broke up, he would talk to this boy, flirt with him, and video chat with him, all while I sat alone, begging him to notice me. This boy is a cis, gay man, and my boyfriend has now started DATING him, while still living with me. BUT HERE IS THE KICKER: He says he still loves me, and that I am still the only person he wants to spend his life with. I have told him multiple times that you cannot depend on me as a second option for whenever this boy just doesnt work out. He says he wants to date this boy because he feels like he truly hates the body he is in, and hates it even more now that his parents arent accepting of the transition. He says he needs to do something so far out of his comfort zone, that he wont even feel like himself anymore, but another person all together. I understand that, but there are so many other options rather than dating someone you dont even know. I am literally torn, and sadly, I cant walk away. I really, truly, love him, I know a lot of you will say to leave him, but I dont know if that really is my only option, or if somehow we STILL have a chance. I want him to know that I will be by his side for every moment during this transition. But all he cares about is this boy, and I have resorted to basically buying his attention, with stupid gifts, and dinners. I feel like an idiot, but I just want hime to look at me the way he does with this boy.

As dumb as this sounds, part of me wishes so badly to be this boy, because then I would have his attention all day long. I miss him so badly. Any advice?

Well there is the old leave him however leaving that out lets look at other options.
1: deffinatly stop buying his attention, that should never be bought by or for anyone. You should have to give to receive.
2: talk to him and treasure him that you are there for him but you wont wait for him.

idk why a lot of trans guys think they can do w/e they want because they're going through transition. honestly, just don't bother giving him your attention or affection or w/e else. don't buy into his "i still love you" stuff. he clearly has stuff to figure out and it's really crappy that he's leading you on like that while doing w/e with this guy. transitioning is no excuse to be a ->-bleeped-<-ty person, partner, lover, w/e. if this was anyone else who wasn't trans, people would tell you to leave and not look back. it doesn't make you selfish or not understanding or w/e else because you decide to leave him (if you do).

tell him you're there for him as a friend but you aren't gonna wait for him. tell him that him being trans and going through w/e doesn't give him the reason to use you as a safety net or use you (aka living with you, etc.). it's really crappy that he still lives with you and then does this w/e with this guy in your house. after you're supporting him (with his transition) and with a place to live and giving him a family who supports him too (unlike his own).

if he wanted to do something outside his comfort zone, go sky diving or something. don't rope TWO people into it (you and the guy) just to make himself feel better. if he has these issues he should go talk to a therapist about it instead of using you both (in different ways) and trying to justify it because he's trans.

Kick his sorry ass out the door.  He's too stupid to realize what a great thing he has got with you.

I am sorry, but he is using you to transition and sucking off of you like a leech. Of course he loves you, he has a place to stay and you are buying his things while he openly dates another. That to me is not even close to respectful or loving. Say good bye to this person, now. He has already shown you he is gone. You deserve much better than to be used!

I kind of hear that he broke up with you yet you never broke up with him. And the reason for the breakup? It also sounds a bit like he is not the only one looking for a safety net.

So... let's pretend this person is just a roomie. (which is one of their perspectives) Your current actions make you out to be some sort of stalker. Demanding attention from a room mate that apparently has a romantic interest and it is not you. Sure a few things may be said to "lead you on". But considering if they weren't said, your room mate would have to find another living situation in a hurry, it sure makes sense to be a bit devious from a self preservation viewpoint.

Or.... Let's pretend this person is a recent lover. If a g/f of yours told you about her ex that is still sharing an apartment with her but is constantly blind to her feelings and the recent pain by bringing over his latest conquest or constantly texting, chatting, or messaging with, right in front of her? I suspect your advice would be to throw that inconsiderate bastards ass out.

Or lastly.... Let's pretend this person is embarking on a journey of self discovery. To do so involves stepping out of that safe cocoon they built over a lifetime. Part of that journey, or experiment, may be to act upon some deep dark scary feelings or desires you always had. To do these things you really need to have a I need to do this for ME and to stop doing things expected of me. All well and good except the little part about consequences. Parents are too hard on me, I can't get away with this stuff there. But....... whit you as the but. Plus no consideration for your former status. Just a friend I can take advantage of with no considerations for her feelings. Or to put it another way a situation where he has the power vs one, like back home with the parents, they have the power.