I been fighting a loosing battle for 25 plus years now with myself. I married twice 7yrs each. I was confused when I was young. I had another side of me that I kept locked up. I tried to avoid it. I did come out and my first wife was ok with it but not in public. I just was not happy.  [18-25]  single life cd at home was good but hard then married again told her early she supported but I found myself I felt I was bi I knew it. I discovered the Transformation magizine and open life up plus watching drag shows as a cd 30mi. away. I kept researching and did not give up. devorced in 07 because my life was spinning out of control not my fem side but male side lost everything. I then left state cd on greyhound to Flordia. Was there a week and back home area. Lived with friends keeping this a secret from most. My close friends knew but not all of them. I meet another female in a state over and moved in with her I lived with her for a few mths keeping my female cloths hidden. she was a syco b**** . I moved next door then to a motel and back next door. I meet another female been dating over a year now. I told her early and she supported my cd but she meet me as a male. She don't want me dressed up. Because of houseing issues I moved closer to my temp job last year. A week later they let me go. I was mad, sad, confused and lost.         
Im a cd going towards mtf. Last year I came out and was 90% full time cd. I was happy for 9mths. 6mths in I started placing a ad to help FEM me. A male answered we meet and then arranged to move me in with a guy who would feminize me plus a job. I gave a notice to move out. He never showed and I lost my appartment. Everybody close to me knows and supported me but not at their house kids and haters. I help out my friend and his loud mouth gf thats two faced to live there. I had a room and space. Then his sister and family moves in putting me on the couch. 12 people in a double wide plus other issues. I want out. I tryed again placing ad to help feminize me and live in girl friend. The new guy wants to help me by moving me in and I get a fresh start full time cd then mtf. I dont want hurt again but were Im at is driving me crazy and more depressed. HELP!

When you say 'a fresh start full time cd then mtf'... what does that entail? Presumably this means you want to undergo medical transition, but what are your plans for after that? How open/not open would you ideally want to be? etc.

Also 'ok with it but not in public' isn't really 'ok with it' at all...

First I would establish your own residence and steady employment. Try to keep distractions and other issue's out while you work on yourself. Find a good Therapist with gender experience and through that find your destiny. You have to live as yourself, whatever that is and not look to others to provide for you. Once you are on your own your issue's can be worked on one at a time and at the pace you are comfortable with. Steady income is a MUST if you want to possibly pursue transition as it is VERY expensive. Good luck!