So my psychiatrist and I were talking at our last appointment before my top surgery about what would be the resounding theme of my life once I had the surgery - and I said 'freedom'.

I've been thinking a lot about it since then.  I think that I had this image of all of these rushes of emotion and this sudden transformation once the surgery was over.  But although I did tear up when I saw my chest for the first time, the reaslisation has been...well, gradual.

As I think of all the mechanisms that I've adopted throughout my lifetime to hide my chest that have just become such a part of everyday life for me, the sudden knowing that I will never again have to do them is...overwhelming really.  They just come to me one thing at a time - for instance, thinking about my return to work and the things I'll no longer have to worry about.  It's almost scary to think that for the first time in my adult life, I can actually focus on LIVING and WORKING instead of living and working while "also trying to hide my chest".

So what are the things that you look forward to - if you've only just had surgery or if you're soon to have it?  If it's been a while since you've had your surgery - what things were most monumental in regards to how your life changed for the better?

I can think of so many things:

• Not having to "cringe" and recoil when someone goes to hug me or pat me on the back in fear of them feeling my binder or strange lumps


• Being able to wear sleeveless tops and not worry about how low the armholes go in case someone sees my binder or the weird creases in my skin from my flesh being smushed against me


• Walking into the wind - not worrying about it blowing my shirt tight against my body and someone seeing the outline of my bound chest


• Not worrying about bending over to help someone at work in case someone sees the outline of my binder and the way it pushes the skin in rolls out from under my arms


• My wife finally being able to lay on my naked chest


• Finally being able to walk around the house or even be around her with no shirt on


• Being able to wrap a towel around my waist after a shower and just prance around topless


• Not worrying about having to buy only t-shirts with a high-cut crew neck because I can finally wear any kind of neck and not worry about the hem of my binder peeking out


• Being able to work in 42 C heat without dying from the compression and heat building up under my binder

Just so many things.  It's really amazing how many things I remember I used to have to do as a pre-op guy the more that I get back to normal now.  I looked at my binders in my drawer today and thought that I'll never have to worry about them stretching out or tearing ever again.  Just thought I'd share and maybe see what things others thought about and celebrated. 

My surgery was over a year and a half ago, and my life has finally been able to move forward.

The two biggest changes have been transferring job locations and returning to school to get my A&P license.  The evil twins would not be contained.  With them gone, I could finally start passing consistently, as well as change my documentation.  After this was done, I had the confidence to finally go out and start living life.  I didn't want to change jobs or start school with any question to my identity.

The little things are great too.  I went to the water park so many times last summer and it was amazing.  You don't really get misgendered when you are shirtless, even if your chest has scars on it.

I also wore lots of tank tops because I could.  I look forward to the weather heating up so I can wear them again.

Its nice wearing comfy clothes around home and not worrying how low the shirt cuts down and if it reveals anything, cause there's nothing to reveal.

Top surgery was definitely a positive turning point in my life, and I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have without it.

I have a shirt I used to wear pre transition, it's a very deep v neck with beautiful koi fish on it. I've been saving it for years. I'm excited to wear that!

I cosplay a lot, conventions and all. I can finally stay in hotel rooms with whoever I want without having to out myself, I can dress up as anyone I want without worrying constantly, because cosplayers are keene to binders.

Most of all I can breathe. I had to bind really tightly. And no more slouching! I can look in the mirror and smile rather than look away.

It's surreal. Hasn't sunken in fully yet.

I'm going in a few months. I'm looking forward to not hating summer the most. It gets to be 40C+ here and I have been very limited is enjoying the summers. I have one half summer to suffer through and then I'll finally be able to enjoy it.

There are so many things though...

- swimming!
- no more skin irritation
- being able to wear whatever I want without worrying about hiding my chest
- clothes shopping
- getting fitted for a suit! My husband has decided that once I'm healed he is taking me to get a few suits. What better way to celebrate my transition journey?
- being able to leave my house without layers
- being able to shower without looking down and seeing my chest
- being able to finally build up me chest without the fear of my chest getting bigger
- sleeping on my stomach!
- being able to play with my students without worrying about shifting under the binder
- not having to find excuses when one of my students asks about the black top under my shirts


God, I don't know all of the things I'm looking forward to. Like you though, so much time has passed and hiding my chest has become just a part of my life. I have no idea how different it will be but I'm looking forward to it.

Did exercise shirt-less today. Now that was nice! (I don't go to a gym)

--Jay

It's good hearing all of your thoughts and feelings!  I love it.  Amazing how just removing two blobs can change your life.

Quote from: aleon515 on February 26, 2014, 06:03:45 PM
Did exercise shirt-less today. Now that was nice! (I don't go to a gym)

--Jay

I'm very, very envious. Congrats!

Kreuzfidel: I'm really glad to hear that you're in a good place. You helped me a lot when I first came around these parts. How's the healing going?

Thanks, Ayden, that means a lot 

It's going well, thanks - feeling much better about it than I was two weeks ago, that's for sure!

Congrats, and good that you are healing well too.
I think about this a lot, so it's interesting to see a thread about it. Here's some of the things I'm looking forward to.

- Waking up in the morning and not having that "right... those things are on my chest" moment, and not wanting to get out of bed. Instead, "Those are really still gone! Awesome!"
- Showering without having to avoid seeing my chest.
- Going to bed with no shirt when it is hot.
- Just putting a shirt on to leave the house, not having to reach into binder and arrange things I don't want to touch, then check repeatedly that I bound well before leaving the house.
- Being able to change shirts without the seconds of bare chest in between increasing dysphoria.
- Hugging my girlfriend without dysphoria-inducing chest-squish.
- Not having to hold my arms out in a slightly odd position at all times to avoid them touching my chest. Not having the occasional terrible moment of something bumping my chest when at home and not wearing a binder.

I think the relief will manifest in more ways than I can even really think of yet.

Everything everyone's listed is pretty much true for me. But the one thing that I really want, more than anything, is to be able to wear ANY SHIRT I WANT. lol. I've always had to work around my chest, but when I stopped being able to bind, my options became basically nothing. It's either baggy polos or hoodies. It's depressing and it doesn't look very nice. It takes me ages to buy a shirt because I have to make sure it doesn't show too much bump, strap, or outline. So yeah. That to me would feel extremely liberating and awesome, but I am sure that as I start living without the chest, I will see even more benefits that I didn't fully anticipate.

Everything that has been listed here is so true!
I've had my surgery one month ago so I'm not completely healed up and "ready" yet, but I've noticed so many things and it's.. overwhelming, really. Besides what has already been said here, I feel these points strongly so far:
- No arching my back. This one will be really hard to get rid of as I've been arching my back ever since I've been 14 and I'm a complete stranger to actually standing straight.
- There have been a lot of times when my friends went for a few days long trip, wanted me to stay overnight, and so on. I couldn't wear my binder for more then 12 hours, so I've never, ever, went along. I'll finally be able to travel, visit, all those things. This is probably the thing I'm most excited about. No more excuses or nausea after wearing binder for too long.
I'm going to a friend's cabin to spend the easter holidays in the woods - four days without having to find a way to take off my binder and hide my chest! Can't wait.
Also, 2 weeks ago I've taken my bandages off and I've been walking around the house half naked ever since. And sometimes, when I'm in my room alone and someone walks in, I have this reflex to instantly cover up with something, and seeing this habit slowly disappear is priceless (my brother has his girlfriend over so since we share a room I'm seeing a lot of her - and she's seeing a lot of my chest, haha - and I don't. Give. A. Damn. Best thing? They don't either!).
Also once I'm healed up I'm immediately going to the pool, yeah! (wearing the top I've been saving for years now on my way there)

off the top of my head

-the best thing is how quickly I can get ready to leave the house, I just throw on any shirt I want and I'm gone, no need to figure out if the shirt is layered enough or baggy enough.
-less laundry, I only had a couple of binders and I washed them all the time so its nice to not have to do that anymore
-T shirts, I never wore t shirts cause I felt that it was so obvious, I am almost always in a T shirt now
-work, my new job requires that I wear a thin, clinging, 100% polyester (yuck) shirt, I would have never been able to feel comfortable wearing that with boobs
-less back pain, and other binder pains
-no more "bouncing"
-I can wear about any kind of shirt I want now, unless it makes my hips look huge
-feeling the wind and rain on my chest.. I haven't experienced this one too much because of 2 reasons, I am trying to stay out of the sun so my scars aren't damaged somehow, and I am waiting for my scars to fade more till I go shirtless in public
-I love being able to put my hand on my chest and feel my heartbeat.
-working out is actually possible now, also.. running when needed
-getting out of the shower and wrapping the towel on my waist (as previously mentioned on here)
-I would probably be around the house shirtless more often but I have leather seats so thats a bit cold when you first sit down

i thought of more! i always have to decline invites with friends, as i am 100% stealth with everyone. if someone finds out it would kill me, so i always have to just make excuses. I dont have to do that any longer! hello social life!

even little things like going to the store is easier. throw on a shirt and some pants and were off!

last night i sat up straight for the first time since i was 12, and it felt AWESOME. my mom was impressed!

i have a friend that is very small and very huggable. i can finally just hug her, i dont have to worry about her finding out. there is basically nothing to find out!

as i think ive stated, i have a lot of cosplay friends that know what to look for when it comes to binders, and a couple of them have even snuck up behind me and 'checked'. luckily i was wearing a couple of shirts and had a good binder. touch away creepy wickedly inappropriate friends, theres nothing there but a shirt!

Some of this will be a repeat from the surgery update thread because I just saw this, but oh well! (and a lot of it is also a repeat of what everyone else has said )

I can BREATH! I have asthma, binding literally hospitalised me on several occasions. The worst part was never the actual attack, but the explaining and having to remove the binder in the hospital and listening to the "why do you do this to yourself" lecture...like I had a choice in the matter. This will never happen again

Summer time. I don't feel like I even need to explain that statement. Also, vacationing in hot countries like my partner has been pestering me about for years is finally an option.

I can be ready to leave the house in 0.1 second

I still don't like socialising for extended periods of time but this is just me being anti-social rather than anti-social and in pain/sweaty/unable to breath/desperately wanting to go home and take off all these layers no I don't want to go to for a coffee dear god I'm dying xD

I can eat at uni, or while out of the house in general. I had a technique of wearing a full body binder and a short binder on top to look even half way passable. Heartburn and stomach ache were immense if I tried to eat - no longer a problem

Exercise feels awesome! I could not stand feeling them bouncing around, any good things I did for my body felt completely futile because I knew they would always ruin it. Nothing holding me back now!

Underboob sweat is a thing of the past. Sweat in general, actually xD all those layers had me running at the temperature of a thousand suns even in the snow.

On a related note, I can wear whatever I want now without regards for how hot it's going to make me and how well it's going to hide everything and blah blah blah. What's also great is SO many people who've seen me recently have complimented me on losing so much weight. I technically have lost 7lbs of "weight"  but to everyone else it looks like I've utterly transformed because I'm no longer wearing so many baggy layers - plus I'm standing up straight for the first time ever. I used to walk around slouched, shoulders forward, pushing my belly out to make sure my chest was less noticeable - now I walk around chest out, shoulders straight, belly sucked in, makes me look 50lbs lighter xD

My partner no longer has to worry about accidental touching. Not even just for the naughty stuff  we can hug and I can be all smooshed against him properly and I can finally be "the big spoon" xD (I hope you all get what I mean by that statement or it's gonna look really weird )

Life is pretty great guys =3 pretty freakin' great

side note: omg I can't wait to cosplay; and halloween cannot get here fast enough! I usually went in drag, because it was easier and I had the assets xD I have so many more options now and drag will be so much more enjoyable when said assets will be fake. I'm probably in the minority for guys who have been looking forward to top surgery so they can dress up in drag and still be passable but that's how I roll xD

Quote from: Jeatyn on March 03, 2014, 02:02:58 PM
Underboob sweat is a thing of the past. Sweat in general, actually xD all those layers had me running at the temperature of a thousand suns even in the snow.

omg, I didn't even consider this. This will be up there too...

I plan on having surgery within the next year and a half to two years. Since I'm bypassing transition and binders for that time being, my list won't be as comprehensive, but here it goes:

-Whenever I start getting into cosplays and go to Anime Expo, I don't have to worry about my boobs showing.

-I can be intimate with my future wife and feel more like a man.

-If I go the traditional route with my future wedding, my tuxedo will fit better (and my tux will likely be from my cosplay lol!)

-I could go shirtless at th beach when I do transition.  More than likely I won't though because I'm very self-concious about my weight and/or would be too lazy to go, but if I did, I'd feel less awkward than doing that in woman mode.

-I can exercise without worrying about holding my breasts, or having them slip out of my bra and painfully slap/crash against me.

-When I transition, I don't have to worry about binding my breasts or constantly wonder if any one will discover them.   Essentially, top surgery will be "out of the way".

-I can still live as a woman, yet consider myself partially transitioned, while figuring out how I will go about the rest of my transition.

-I *could* feel less dysphoric when I'm walking around my house topless.  I'm going to do that anyway when I'm alone, boobs or no boobs  When I'm not alone, I'll most likely wear a shirt out of respect for my mom since she wouldn't be down for me getting top surgery. Ironically enough, I walk around topless even when she's around and that doesn't bother me. 

-I will feel less dysphoric about tucking shirts in.

-I don't have to spend money on bras or have people buy them for me.

-I can actually join in on top surgery discussions here.

-I can wear tank tops.

-I can strut around like an MMA fighter topless without feeling abnormal because I have breasts.

After four and a half years, I'm still grateful for my top surgery. I wonder when the novelty will truly wear off. I guess it will take a little while longer to blot out the thirty-plus years that I had to put up with those things. The last fifteen were the absolute worst (boy, does that sound stupid).

Quote from: Malachite on March 04, 2014, 12:56:51 AM

-I *could* feel less dysphoric when I'm walking around my house topless.  I'm going to do that anyway when I'm alone, boobs or no boobs  When I'm not alone, I'll most likely wear a shirt out of respect for my mom since she wouldn't be down for me getting top surgery. Ironically enough, I walk around topless even when she's around and that doesn't bother me. 

Believe me it's not going to matter who is in the house afterwards. Once you hop out of the shower your top will be naked even if there is snow outside.

Oh yeah I forgot one! My bathroom is downstairs and attached to my kitchen (weird I know) so every time I get out of the shower I have to walk through the kitchen...there's a big window there with a full view of my neighbors kitchen and garden. Now I can just strut past with a towel around my waist without making sure I'm all covered up - I used to walk along all ducked down out of view behind the cabinets so nobody caught a glance