hi everyone,
i am new here. was introduced to this forum by a friend of mine.
it has been a bumpy road for me and i generally just talk about transgender things online with those whom i told the truth.
most have been supportive....some tried to change me... some also jus stopped talking to me.
i am unsure where i actualy stand: CD, TG, TS, ... (?) i have been considering hormone therapy though.
maybe i'll be able to figure it out soon.
---
so, how did it begin?
i mean, sure an article of female clothing ignited that 'spark' (i distinctivelly remember my parents gave me pantyhose to wear cuz it's cold in the winter) but i believe that it is mainly the mind of wanting to be a female(character) that set the road for me.
ahhh... the naivety of role-playing...
'alice in wonderland' is the book that spark my imagination wishing that i can be her and travel through the wonders.
i like to play pretend and i like to play female characters even to a point where i will be silent when picking roles among friends and be left, unwillingly, to play a female part. there are times that it can go as far as being able to wear a dress. of course, when you are a child, you may look adorable.. for the first few times, of course.
from then on, it is a cat and mouse game. i find places where i can hide things and my parents, noting my clumsiess of constantly going to my room or their room, tend to discover clothings that 'accidently' got there for no apparant reason.
i hate myself at times,and still do, to be cursed with something like this. i mean, i can't even look at girls the same way. i am straight and i know that.. but when i stare at a girl's breast, i was wishing for being able to have breasts rather than lusting over it. ok, having said that, maybe i can consider it a blessing.... (haha)
and perhaps, like many (considering myself lucky), the interweb displayed some of the other people that are like me. still i lurk in the dark for quite some time because most of the people at time are of no help. afterall, they already been through my current route and perhaps choose to forget it.
this went on for years in which i had the crazy idea that i am female when i put on a dress. it is pathethic now that i think back.
my transition did not really start - i mean following the rules and be who i am - until recent years where i met some friends who is willing to help me in choosing the right clothings (yes, girls don't dress like sluts everyday) and how to do makeup. it is then that i find out that i have done so many things wrong~
i have been to one or two events out in public. few say that i pass, but i think they are trying to be nice, and afterall, i am in a TG event.
i also gain the knowledge of who i am now and have my own philosophy and reason for what i do. personally, i still don't consider myself as a girl because i haven't perfected my skills. maybe one day i will be able to go out in full gear and hear people call me 'miss' =) or that day may never come.
even more recent news, i am looking into hormones thearpy. still trying to find doctors at my area...
what lies ahead is still unknown...
thx for listening. see you around~
i know that this probably need heavy revision for grammar and detail - especially last part.. but that's all i have to say for now
btw, cyanide is just a random handle i picked... nothing devious or poisionous about this.
