I don't know what to do.... I've always felt so awkward in my body, like I don't belong in it, especially when I hit puberty. Until about two years ago, I started to feel more comfortable, started wearing what I want rather than what 'normal' girls wear, sometimes more pastel goth stuff and sometimes very androgynous. Bottom line, I thought I had everything with my body figured out. Until about a week ago...
I watched a video where a ftm explained how the realization didn't just hit him, it came gradually... What he was explaining was almost exactly how I feel and used to feel...
Ever since then, I've been feeling so confused and upset because I thought this was all behind me. I wouldn't mind so much if I was ftm but its a big decision and I don't want to jump on it in case I'm wrong.
I still like wearing skirts and dresses and makeup but now that I'm thinking about it, its like they don't really belong on me... I don't know what to do...

How did you know you were transgender? How did you deal with coming out to families? How did you deal with the realization?

I advocate therapy for cases where "knowing" that one is transgender is a question of confusion.  A good gender therapist can help to sort out why one may feel the way they do and what deeper issues may exist.

That being said, it's different for everyone.  Most assume that "real transsexuals" know from the time they are conscious that they are living in the wrong body.  There are actually many cases in which the realisation is gradual - or other cases in which it's been repressed. 

However, there are also a myriad of confused people who go through many stages of self-exploration who are not transgender, but occasionally have feelings that there is some incongruency in their body/mind connection.  Sometimes a reason for de-transitioning is improper treatment given to non-trans* people who would have been otherwise better off if they'd have pursued therapy instead of medical intervention.

So there's no way to answer the question of how one "knows" they are trans* objectively.

For myself, I knew from my earliest conscious memory - it became especially clear when I attended kindergarten for the first time and was segregated to the "girls'" groups.  I knew this was not right, and the first time I saw a boy's "willy", I knew there was something terribly wrong with my body. 

I actually had a similar experience as a child / teen.. the feeling awkward in my body and then later being hit with the dysphoria as my body started changing. I did my best to ignore it and eventually made it a point not to look in mirrors. For me, the older i got, the worse it got. I didn't find out there were others like me until i was in my early twenties.

Anyways, support is huge. I wouldn't have been able to accept myself as I am if it weren't for the support of those closest to me.

Coming out can be.. interesting. In my experiences, people never really react the way you think they will. I thought my mom would accept me as soon as i told her, but she actually outed me to a number of people (she was the first person aside from my wife to know / be told). It was definitely not what i was expecting. My dad was actually the total opposite. He's always kept me at arms length, but actually hugged me and said "Welcome to the family Jillian". Telling those who are closest to you are the most difficult, but the more people who know, even just having one or two that accept you, makes all the difference in the world. It gets that much easier telling others, knowing you have others that know and love you all the same.

You may be trans. You may be genderqueer. You don't have to decide now. You might just start by telling your parents or someone close you don't feel quite right in your body (for support) and / or look into seeing a therapist.

Quote from: headdsick on March 02, 2014, 08:51:32 PM
I don't know what to do....

How did you know you were transgender? How did you deal with coming out to families? How did you deal with the realization?

I came to the realization I was transgender by reading the experiences of other transgender persons and realizing I was much like them.  Once I learned more I saw more and more or the events in my life fit into the transgender mold.  Also seeing a counselor, talking over things with her helped a lot.  You can't figure it all out on your own.

I still need to deal with the coming out to families, so can't help you there.  On one hand I find it really scary.  OTOH I know I will feel much better once I share this important part of who I am with them.

Dealing with the realization was a time thing.  Probably the most important step for me was talking to someone about being transgender - just saying the words out loud.   I still had moments of denial after that, but they have slowly disappeared as I come to know myself better.

I wish you the best of luck in discovering whether or not you are trans.   I know you feel like you need to know right now.  But view it as a process - learn a little each day until you know one way or the other.

being confused is totally normal. I think we all experience confusion to some degree about this.

being trans isn't black and white. which is why the feeling of gradually transitioning over takes place.

though don't write off your discomfort with your body as just well hey i might be trans.

do some soul searching. I know an aunt of mine was a very depressed young woman. she hated she was getting boobs and she just rejected all her feminity. didn't mean she was trans, she just didn't like what was going on with her body at the time. she's now a happy mother and is quite happy being girly. doesn't mean she always felt that way.

sometimes I still question if I'm trans, and that's healthy. I am on T now, and the chemical changes mentally have confirmed what iwas feeling anxious about and i feel it's the right path for me now. but I didn't feel that way a year ago. the idea of taking hormones sounded too extreme yet here i am. I guess the only way for you to possibly expirament with this to see if it is the identity your looking for. try on mens clothes. you like it, then wear mens clothes.
cut your hair short, like it short? keep it short. want people to try calling you he? you like it? then have people call you he. want to wear a binder and or pack? then go ahead and try it.

that's what makes the realization of being trans gradual, along the way i think we all try out things and based on how we feel about it we add it to ourselves. but in no way are you obligated to just change everything all at once or even say your trans if that's not what you are feeling. it's normal to experiment. and it's normal to be confused. just gotta head towards what will make you happier than you currently are.

Quote from: BeefxCake on March 03, 2014, 01:11:11 AM

that's what makes the realization of being trans gradual, along the way i think we all try out things and based on how we feel about it we add it to ourselves. but in no way are you obligated to just change everything all at once or even say your trans if that's not what you are feeling. it's normal to experiment. and it's normal to be confused. just gotta head towards what will make you happier than you currently are.

Well said!

I was aware at four I wanted to be female. I struggled with it for a very long time it consumed me , but I really couldn't acknowledge that I had no other choice but to give in to it or die . I finally started the process and I see I can have a life now.

It's all I can think about at the moment, I'm really getting sick of it. But I'm really grateful for all your replies They helped me a fair bit.

I think I'll talk to my shrink about it, I have an appointment in two weeks, tho I'm sure he's getting quite sick of me... XD

I agree that talking to a therapist can be extremely helpful, but talking to an unsupportive therapist can be a pain. If your current therapist isn't LGBT friendly or doesn't understand, I have had great luck with school health centers. If you go to college you should check it out -- or if there is a college near you they often have programs that serve the community.

I don't know how much my input will help, but I thought I'd chime in as someone who's still kinda new to this too.

I realized that I might fall under the trans label over this last summer after doing a google search for penis envy and seeing that I wasn't the only one that felt this way. (I realize that's not really what penis envy it, but I didn't have a better phrasing for it) I've always felt more comfortable in guys clothes and when I first learned the difference between boys and girls, I wanted what they had. Of course, back then my friend told me that it was just that boys sat on the potty backwards. Imagine a six year old trying that. It didn't go so well. Haha.

When I first found this site, I posted a topic about my confusion, and got some good replies. But I jumped straight to androgyny when I felt the FTM term didn't completely fit. I've done a lot of research since then and I currently identify as gender queer, a little gender fluid (I still have some days where I'm happy being a girl), and transmasculine. I'm still pretty confused and kinda scared some days, but I've gotten more comfortable the more I've explored.

My first step was getting a packer (an STP since I've pretty much always been obsessed with being able to pee standing) and, man, did it make a difference. I loved it. I wanted to present more masculine, too, so I started out by getting a short, more androgynous hair cut but now I have a traditionally male haircut that I feel just fits me. Then I tried wearing button down shirts more than just t shirts and I find that I feel a lot more confident and comfortable in them.

So like others have said, I think talking it through with your therapist is a good idea. Remember to take it slow. Don't worry about not being trans enough or trying to fit into the view of what you believe being a "real transgender" is. Just be you. Do what makes you comfortable.

Yeah, I also agree that getting an LGBT friendly therapist or school counselor is a great first step. From what I've seen, realizing that you're trans definitely isn't the same for everyone. When I was kid, I felt that I was different but I didn't feel truly 'wrong' until puberty. Some people realize it when they're 3, some when they're 30 so don't fret about making big decisions right away. Your identity will continue to grow and evolve as your life goes on.

Quote from: headdsick on March 02, 2014, 08:51:32 PM
I wouldn't mind so much if I was ftm but its a big decision and I don't want to jump on it in case I'm wrong.

This right here is why I think sometimes that trans* information on the internet causes confusion. Am I correct in judging by your statement above that being ftm to you means transition (the "big decision")? Because if that is the case, then I'll just come out and say it that not everyone who is trans takes that route. There's also a whole gender spectrum where male and female are just the opposite ends of it. If you were ok with your body until simply hearing someone else's perspective that happened to match how you feel, I think it's dicey to make a determination just based on that.

I'm not one of those people who advocate against transition. I think some people do benefit from going that route. But I am against that one-size-fits-all approach to trans* and that being trans = transition. Call me a rule breaker but I've always had a problem with people telling me what I need to be doing for myself or labeling me one thing and then expecting certain things of me because of it. I think it's perfectly fine to not be ok with being a female and also not be ok with changing your body. Not everyone can come to terms with things as I have personally though. What it really takes is personal exploration and experimentation. You have to find whatever middle ground is appropriate to you to make your life better.

Those who come to the place where they would rather be dead than live another day in an uncomfortable body that is the opposite gender of their brain will benefit from physical transition. If you're not at that place, then you've got time to do that exploring. And not every trans person, regardless of what you see/hear on the internet must transition.