I know only I can decide about what I am and what my identity is, still I'd like some input from others in how I can ask the right critical questions to myself.

I have a problem in that I keep having desires about wanting to transition. I am not in therapy or anything and still trying to discover where I fall along the gender spectrum.

Reasons why I believe I might be transgender:

- I keep fantasizing about having a female body.
- Can't leave the house without wearing feminine clothes under my male clothes. I feel empty without it.
- I feel unhappy about returning body hair and facial hair.
- I would love to have a smooth female skin, hips, breasts, and being shorter.
- I love how my arms/hands are feminine and the manner in which I use them.
- I like to be perceived as feminine.
- I dislike any masculinity in my face.
- I consume more soy and chicken because of the rumours that it contains estrogen. Probably little effect (if true).
- I don't go to the gym because I don't want more muscle. I'm afraid it makes me more dysphoric.
- I don't feel good about having a penis, nor very bad.
- I am scared to age as a man. Youthful boy.. okay.... ageing man, not okay!

Reasons why I believe I might just be a feminine male:

- There are some 'masculine characteristics' such as stoicism, protectiveness, and competitiveness that I don't mind seeing in myself.
- I have too many male interests.
- I don't have the same empathy level as the women I encounter.
- I am too rational in my communication.
- I fall prey to anger too quickly (be it while driving, or in a discussion).
- I don't really want to go through all the hassle of transitioning, I am lazy.
- Even though I consider my character more feminine than masculine, I don't really connect easily with women because of different interests.

Some of these reasons may seem gender-neutral but to me it doesn't come across as feminine and because of that I feel I'm just a joke if I ever decided to transition. I had a long face-to-face conversation with a trans woman the other week and during the conversation I couldn't help but notice my desires. It just won't leave me. She also gave me the name of a gender therapist and I'll make the call tomorrow. It feels so strange because these thoughts and conflicts are with me all the time. I go to bed with them and I wake up with them. I have a strong fear that I am destined to transition.

TL;DR - I still don't know if I'm a feminine male or more than that, I know that I keep having these desires to be a woman and transition. I would like some input of other people that can help me ask the right critical questions, or just any input really.

Well, gender is separate to sexuality, and gender is also separate to likes and dislikes. You can be a man and wear dresses. You can be a woman and play football and fix cars and whatever other stereotypes lol. So your likes and dislikes don't have to mean anything, it's more about who you feel you are, or who you feel you want to be.

Also, empathy and emotional stuff is because of the hormones. There are trans guys who've taken testosterone and noted that they aren't as emotional or don't notice other people's emotions as well as they used to. So disregard that, because that's out of your control.

Quote from: ANattyRat on March 04, 2014, 01:15:25 PM
Also, empathy and emotional stuff is because of the hormones. There are trans guys who've taken testosterone and noted that they aren't as emotional or don't notice other people's emotions as well as they used to. So disregard that, because that's out of your control.

I think hormones may have an effect, but mostly on emotional display rather than emotion or empathy in general. I'm actually more empathetic since transition though I have a very hard time crying and I'm probably less likely to know exactly how to comfort someone in person. Because for some reason, it does feel a lot more awkward. And this change happened shortly after transition. For one thing, as a guy I feel a lot more awkward going to comfort a woman or small child. Or another man for that matter. It just isn't done. And people don't really want to see it from a man (or at least I'm afraid they don't).

So, I think there's a big societal factor where it's simply a lot more permissible for women to show empathy than men. And sometimes women feel pressure to show caring and empathy when they don't necessarily feel it on a gut level. It's just the thing to do. And women are socialized to do it more.

But either way, our points are mostly the same. I don't think it necessarily says anything that you find women more empathetic than you.

I feel a lot of people over analyze feelings they have that pertains to a stereotype or tendencies among genders. I know cis women with many of your feelings and behaviors of why you feel you're not trans. There are many learned attitudes and behaviors due to growing up a certain gender, they may never go away entirely. I'm not sure you should try, but rather accept them.

Eventually it has to come down to what makes you happiest and most fulfilled IMO.

Quote from: Feather on March 04, 2014, 12:20:00 PM

Reasons why I believe I might just be a feminine male:

- There are some 'masculine characteristics' such as stoicism, protectiveness, and competitiveness that I don't mind seeing in myself.
- I have too many male interests.
- I don't have the same empathy level as the women I encounter.
- I am too rational in my communication.
- I fall prey to anger too quickly (be it while driving, or in a discussion).
- I don't really want to go through all the hassle of transitioning, I am lazy.
- Even though I consider my character more feminine than masculine, I don't really connect easily with women because of different interests.

I'm pretty sure there are a number of women that are just like this, minus the transitioning. You shouldn't let your interest define you, let your heart do that.

From what im reading I believe that you are transgender...

and yes women can be all those things that make you think you are just a feminine man...
outside right now you may be...but what are you on the inside? a guy or a girl?
if you close your eyes and forget about everything,what are you?

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 04, 2014, 03:04:50 PM
From what im reading I believe that you are transgender...

and yes women can be all those things that make you think you are just a feminine man...
outside right now you may be...but what are you on the inside? a guy or a girl?
if you close your eyes and forget about everything,what are you?

Yeah, they can be all of those things, but a 'normal' guy obbiously won't have some of the things of my first list. I know I'm not 'regular'. The question is; to what extent, and is transition actually right for me? It's just so weird to think about this all and yet live as a male, and be seen as one. I can't really think of something that's more confusing and time consuming than this

If I close my eyes and reduce thoughts I'd be almost meditating, haha. But I can tell you that this gets bigger when I'm alone or before sleeping. Inside I feel more feminine and it would be great if I didn't have to act masculine all the time.

I know this;

-I feel more feminine than masculine; though I prefer maaculine interests (but that's also what I got used to)
-I would much, MUCH rather have a female body (but I fear I'm too masculine to ever be happy if I did transition)
-I feel attracted towards women which makes me believe I need a penis. Of course I don't need SrS but with hormones it becomes useless sexually. And since I've never actually had any sex this is an area I can't ignore. Then there might be the desire to get children (not adoption) later in life.

This makes it all very confusing (2nd and 3th reasons above). The reality does not match the purity of my desires.

Yeah all these are some things you should consider I guess...

Yet you didnt answer my question...
If you close your eyes , forget about everything and picture yourself...
do you see a guy or a girl?

Dont try to imagine your current image, try to imagine you, the inner real you...
what do you see?

Its also important how you wish to live your life from now on...
for me too the thought of aging as a guy gives me serious fear...
When I picture my future I always see me as a girl , a mother ,,,a damn normal female life, thats what I imagine for myself...

Anyway I know its not easy but the more you move on the more you ll understand about you...
So keep thinking and eventually you ll understand...

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 05, 2014, 11:24:54 AM
Yeah all these are some things you should consider I guess...

Yet you didnt answer my question...
If you close your eyes , forget about everything and picture yourself...
do you see a guy or a girl?

Dont try to imagine your current image, try to imagine you, the inner real you...
what do you see?

Its also important how you wish to live your life from now on...
for me too the thought of aging as a guy gives me serious fear...
When I picture my future I always see me as a girl , a mother ,,,a damn normal female life, thats what I imagine for myself...

Anyway I know its not easy but the more you move on the more you ll understand about you...
So keep thinking and eventually you ll understand...

What if you have an over active imagination.....anytime I do anything like that I picture myself as one of many characters I've drawn/come up with...they are all female...so that might say something. 

Anyways back on topic - as some said above only you can choose - I suppose it is one those forks in the road. Which path do you want to take...however I hate those types of questions. I always want to say what if I want to make my own path?

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 04, 2014, 03:04:50 PM
From what im reading I believe that you are transgender...

I second what Princess said!

Please find a good Therapist with gender experience to help you find out for sure.

everything you just put is exactly where I am

Quote from: Feather on March 04, 2014, 12:20:00 PM
I know only I can decide about what I am and what my identity is, still I'd like some input from others in how I can ask the right critical questions to myself.

I have a problem in that I keep having desires about wanting to transition. I am not in therapy or anything and still trying to discover where I fall along the gender spectrum.

Reasons why I believe I might be transgender:

- I keep fantasizing about having a female body.
- Can't leave the house without wearing feminine clothes under my male clothes. I feel empty without it.
- I feel unhappy about returning body hair and facial hair.
- I would love to have a smooth female skin, hips, breasts, and being shorter.
- I love how my arms/hands are feminine and the manner in which I use them.
- I like to be perceived as feminine.
- I dislike any masculinity in my face.
- I consume more soy and chicken because of the rumours that it contains estrogen. Probably little effect (if true).
- I don't go to the gym because I don't want more muscle. I'm afraid it makes me more dysphoric.
- I don't feel good about having a penis, nor very bad.
- I am scared to age as a man. Youthful boy.. okay.... ageing man, not okay!

Reasons why I believe I might just be a feminine male:

- There are some 'masculine characteristics' such as stoicism, protectiveness, and competitiveness that I don't mind seeing in myself.
- I have too many male interests.
- I don't have the same empathy level as the women I encounter.
- I am too rational in my communication.
- I fall prey to anger too quickly (be it while driving, or in a discussion).
- I don't really want to go through all the hassle of transitioning, I am lazy.
- Even though I consider my character more feminine than masculine, I don't really connect easily with women because of different interests.

Some of these reasons may seem gender-neutral but to me it doesn't come across as feminine and because of that I feel I'm just a joke if I ever decided to transition. I had a long face-to-face conversation with a trans woman the other week and during the conversation I couldn't help but notice my desires. It just won't leave me. She also gave me the name of a gender therapist and I'll make the call tomorrow. It feels so strange because these thoughts and conflicts are with me all the time. I go to bed with them and I wake up with them. I have a strong fear that I am destined to transition.

TL;DR - I still don't know if I'm a feminine male or more than that, I know that I keep having these desires to be a woman and transition. I would like some input of other people that can help me ask the right critical questions, or just any input really.

There is a school of thought in psychological circles that "masculinity" is the fear of "femininity."  I'm not sure if I buy into that, but in a nutshell, do you embrace your femininity?  It sounds like you do.

Like many of us, you were likely socialized male from the time you were small.  Do you think that you can filter out that socialization and get in touch with the authentic you?  By that, I mean throw off what you have been taught about so-called masculine interests or hobbies, being easy to anger (you have never met my wife), or any of the other stereo types we have been taught.

That is not to say there are not difference between the sexes.  You touched on some of them.  But it seems to be that the key attributes you mentioned, that seemed feminine or masculine to you, were those that are innate, and not taught.  Empathy, compassion, gender identity, self image, etc.

BTW, phytoestrogens are a waste of time.

Hugs, I also think you would benefit from a gender therapist.

I think focusing on the beginning of the journey is more important than the middle or the end. Doing something to understand and accept who you are will help you feel better than being in a constant state of turmoil. There is a lot that needs to be worked out before HRT or any other external changes. It sounds like you have started your journey but need to get on the path. Good luck

Quote from: Feather on March 05, 2014, 10:57:11 AM
Yeah, they can be all of those things, but a 'normal' guy obbiously won't have some of the things of my first list. I know I'm not 'regular'. The question is; to what extent, and is transition actually right for me? It's just so weird to think about this all and yet live as a male, and be seen as one. I can't really think of something that's more confusing and time consuming than this

If I close my eyes and reduce thoughts I'd be almost meditating, haha. But I can tell you that this gets bigger when I'm alone or before sleeping. Inside I feel more feminine and it would be great if I didn't have to act masculine all the time.

I know this;

-I feel more feminine than masculine; though I prefer maaculine interests (but that's also what I got used to)
-I would much, MUCH rather have a female body (but I fear I'm too masculine to ever be happy if I did transition)
-I feel attracted towards women which makes me believe I need a penis. Of course I don't need SrS but with hormones it becomes useless sexually. And since I've never actually had any sex this is an area I can't ignore. Then there might be the desire to get children (not adoption) later in life.

This makes it all very confusing (2nd and 3th reasons above). The reality does not match the purity of my desires.

It took 22 years of self thought and endless hours of meditation to finally get me to transition. The thought was not an easy decision to make. Many of your thoughts and interests are along the same as my own. I know in the beginning its going to be awkward in many respects. But I'm not going to let that keep me from being at peace with myself in body and mind. 

Don't let the world suppress your soul. These thoughts will never go away and the longer you wait the harder it will be. Choose your future.

Quote from: Feather on March 05, 2014, 10:57:11 AM

-I feel attracted towards women which makes me believe I need a penis. Of course I don't need SrS but with hormones it becomes useless sexually. And since I've never actually had any sex this is an area I can't ignore. Then there might be the desire to get children (not adoption) later in life.

You seem a little too sure about losing sexual function.. I'm attracted to women. Mine still works just fine after nearly 3 years on hormones, with a T level so low it's within my labs margin of error. I have a theory about all the apparent loss of sexual function that people post about and I think in many cases, it's in their head - the brain being the real organ responsible for function. I will admit that it takes more to get me warmed up now.. But that's part of the fun..

Two other things, while I think of them.. Firstly, sperm banking is always an option if you feel you might want biological children. And the other things was, there are piles of lesbians who do just fine in bed without there being a penis present.. And no, they don't all use strap-ons.

Quote from: Natallie553 on March 06, 2014, 06:22:47 PM

Don't let the world suppress your soul. These thoughts will never go away and the longer you wait the harder it will be. Choose your future.

T-R-U-T-H

+1 on the rep.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on March 06, 2014, 06:12:09 PM
Hugs, I also think you would benefit from a gender therapist.I think focusing on the beginning of the journey is more important than the middle or the end. Doing something to understand and accept who you are will help you feel better than being in a constant state of turmoil. There is a lot that needs to be worked out before HRT or any other external changes. It sounds like you have started your journey but need to get on the path. Good luck

I think I am pretty much in a constant state of turmoil. On an average day my thoughts go back and forth all the time.. do I want to be a girl or do I need a girl? I see attractive women and I experience both feelings and I don't know which one is stronger, only that both thoughts are genuine. I'm in a serious identity crisis about all of this.

Thanks for all the replies.

It won't leave me alone either, because I cannot ignore myself.
Been there inside me for 54 years that I am aware of.
I'm just too darned stubborn, so I kept it a secret for 53 years.  Made a mess of things.
I only fooled myself.  My internal conflict showed through, of that I am assured.
Many suspected or saw my weakness, and I had to fight back with stoicism.
It took a toll on my health.  A big toll.
So yeah, if you can come to peace with yourself by seeing a therapist or a very understanding person, do it.

Well I told everything to my mom and she takes it very well. What annoys me though is that she keeps insisting that I have these feelings because I lack a partner. While I do consider this a strong possibility I find it annoying that she can't seem to understand that there could be another cause. At this point I just don't know so I keep both doors open. I asked her if she can imagine that she wants to be a man when she sees an attractive man.. and she can't do that of course!

I emailed a psychology group who also specialize in gender dysphoria. They'll probably call me tomorrow to make an appointment. I really can't wait..

I also bought me some more clothes online..!