i made a similar rant over on transgender talk but its not helping. girls have dominated it and i can't even look at the thread now without cringing in dysphoria. i don'twant to create arguments so i thought i should just leave that thread for girls and start a new one here to help myself.
the problem is, recently i've noted that i get stared at pretty often. maybe its been happening all the time and i only noticed it lately, as i used to avoid peoples eyes until recently. or my new haircut or new glasses is doing the trick. they look at me, see a boy, and probably notice my earrings. it creates doubt which i see in their eyes, and then while i'm watching they look down at my chest! how polite is that? i know there's no other way for them to clear their doubts but it kills me every time. i can't stand it. i feel like being molested every time it happens. i want to get rid of the bulk on my chest so badly or at least bind, but that's not going to happen soon enough. how do i deal with this?

Baggy/bulky clothing is the only practical recommendation I know of here. That and leaving the house only when absolutely necessary were my pre-binding coping mechanisms. At least in a huge bulky coat, even if misgendering happened, it minimized the feeling that the whole world was looking at my chest (I know they weren't really, but it sure felt that way).

If it helps at all, there is probably no conscious thought process going on when people do this. That doesn't make it less rude or creepy, but the fact is most people are used to a subconscious, split-second assumption of the pants-contents of everyone around them based on a quick collection of cues. It doesn't occur to them that it's none of their business, or that it's impossible to know anyway between trans people, gender non-conforming cis people, and people with intersex conditions. So when they see someone they can't feel sure about "guessing", they instinctively, subconsciously start looking for more cues.

lol gotta love getting those looks, my girlfriend noticed more than I did, I think its just normal for people to look and try to get the right gender, sometimes its not to be rude, but so they don't mess up calling you ms or mr. It bothered me at first, but you just ignore it and go on about your business.

Quote from: blink on March 04, 2014, 11:03:40 AM
Baggy/bulky clothing is the only practical recommendation I know of here. That and leaving the house only when absolutely necessary were my pre-binding coping mechanisms. At least in a huge bulky coat, even if misgendering happened, it minimized the feeling that the whole world was looking at my chest (I know they weren't really, but it sure felt that way).

I second this. Wearing layers and/or baggy clothes should help minimize the stares, and you'll probably feel more confident which will help, too. I've learned that the more nervous a person is the more people pay attention to them.

My chiro has seen my post surgery chest and I still get called a girl there.

I second the baggy clothes suggestion.

Additionally, can you just not wear earrings?  Or, if you must, not flowers.

Layers work wonders, especially if you don't have or want to wear baggy. Also, have you tried not wearing your earrings? When I was early transition I didn't wear my necklace that I got as an anniversary gift or my rings, and the lack of jewelry help.

As for people looking at your chest, I don't think it's malicious. Most people are looking for clues. I know I'm having an off day when they immediately look at my crotch for a bulge. Being stared at is never fun. I have gotten used to it since I'm the only white person for miles around, but before coming here it used to drive me crazy.

Also, it's easier said then done but present yourself in a confident manner, even if you don't feel it. People will question you less if they don't think you have something to hide.

I hope things get better for you soon, man. The early days are rough.

thanx loads guys. yes you're right i shouldn't wear earrings. but i haven't come out to my family and i'm still living with them, and here it's sort of customary that girls wear earrings. all butch lesbians, tomboys and us have to suffer this until we move out and live on our own. i can't move out yet as i'm still schooling. after the exams maybe. but i don't think dad would let me move out without a reasonable explanation. if i could just move out of our town i could start binding as well. but it's not happening in near future. and my parents are not ready for a come out so i have to delay that too. few months ago i tried to get new earrings but mom thought we should postpone it due to lack of funds. i do wear baggy clothes but my bulk is too big to be hidden by that. a thick jacket works, i've tried it. but it would be weird to see a guy wrapped in thick jacket walking in the middle of the day in a tropical country like this lol. and i'm going to sweat to death. thanx for the ideas anyway

I live in a hot area too. Summers here are awful. I wear layers, and yes, it's uncomfortable but there isn't much that can be done. I feel your pain man.

I got a lot of stares before too. Sometimes I didn't even notice it and someone who was with me would say "that woman just gave you the ugliest look! Aren't you going to tell her off?"

I took to looking them right in the eye and smiling at them. They usually looked away and seemed really flustered after that. A couple times I would throw in a "hey how's it going" lol just to up the discomfort level a bit more. Most people feel embarrassed if they're caught staring, so my attitude is, rather than be embarrassed, embarrass them!

maybe i'm somewhat more self conscious and nervous than i used to be. though i look at peoples faces now it is with a lot of awkwardness i do that. it's probably the rejection sensitivity at work, like i assume the whole public sees me as a freak and i look at them expecting a confirmation. i think i should just avoid looking at faces until i'm more confident about myself. i tried it today and i caught noone staring at me.

Quote from: Ryan55 on March 04, 2014, 03:54:32 PM
lol gotta love getting those looks, my girlfriend noticed more than I did, I think its just normal for people to look and try to get the right gender, sometimes its not to be rude, but so they don't mess up calling you ms or mr. It bothered me at first, but you just ignore it and go on about your business.

Yep.  This is the bottom line.  You just get used to it.  People are naturally grasping for information on our gender so that they know how to relate to us.  The body part that will most quickly supply one with this information is our (everyone's) chests.

Sometimes I would be super self-conscious about others' stares, and for a while, I often pushed the straps of my backpack in front of me (so my elbows were kinda tucked in, and my hands and the straps end up blocking the view of my chest). I would recommend doing that if you pass by someone who is staring. Basically holding an object in front of your chest to give yourself a mental/physical barrier, skateboard, groceries, anything you normally carry around with might help.