Soooo, hello there, I just wanted to post my interesting story of how I came out and what the results were. Mostly because I believe it'll help people in showing how the world has changed. The results surprised me and helped improved my life.
Beforehand, just a bit of background, I am a young, pre-op, pre-T, FtM Transsexual who is going to see a therapist in about a week. I am dead set in following anything that is about my identity or will make me happy and won't let anything stand in my way. I have always had a very high self-esteem and self-image, even after realizing I was transgender. For convenience's sake, I live in Georgia, which is a southern state and unfortunately is still stereotyped as being an intolerant state, when it truly isn't. I'm also trying to prove that wrong, however, I do realize that my story is not all-inclusive of everyone's situations and everyone comes from different families and communities. My main purpose is to give hope, especially to those who are still in the closet.
As a child.
I have a single mom, and as an only child, from a young age I immediately felt pressure to give my mom the perfect, straight-A, daughter she always desired. I never tried making friends, and didn't realize that I could have a mind of my own and decide my own path until a later age. Thus, this also meant I never really noticed the boundaries within gender, I was very naive. All I knew is that I was a person who had to do stuff.... nothing more. I had no other focuses in life, even when I was greatly feminized by my mom, I still just saw it as something that had to happen and was irrelevant to what I had to do in life, and what was planned for me. At the age of 9, was my first experience of being gender dysphoric. I had, at the time, been taking ballet classes, and after a while I began to dislike the tights and dresses more than I had ever before, I began dressing like a boy at home, but in public I was always female. My sigh of relief came in the form of poorness, when my family could no longer afford to keep me in the classes. I calmed their worries by revealing that I didn't like ballet anymore, and eventually, the topic was let go, covered in dust like the pictures of all those years of being lathered in makeup and suffocated with dresses.
After that, I began expressing my masculine side more and more, never again wearing anything even remotely feminine. I didn't cut my hair, because my mom would never let me, however, I did crossdress frequently and began taking in interest in all things guy. I took up interest in sport and would usually play soccer with the neighborhood boys. I loved being outside, and I never noticed how much I loved being 'mistaken' as guy back then until later. However, my family still needed their prefect daughter, so I switched frequently and played the part well, not matter how much I detested it. At the age of twelve, when I began getting more into recent events and news, I found the word 'transgender'.... and my jaw dropped. This was the turning point in my life. I realized how well this word described everything I had been feeling, and I looked back. At that point I was barely female, everything about me screamed male. What I most looked back on was puberty, and I remembered that from the moment it started, it was absolutely disastrous. Even when I still identified as female, I hated my breasts more than anything, and developed a slight curve in my back from all the years of trying to cover up the blatantly obvious things I considered parasites, attached to my chest.
I suffered about three years in the closet after finding out that I was transgender. Everytime I tried to get the courage, I couldn't. I wasn't afraid of not being accepted or bullied, I knew my family loved me and would accept anything, and bullying wasn't an issue because it didn't work on me, teases and insults rolled off my shoulders like water off hydrophobic shoes. What I was really afraid of was being denied treatment. That, as a result of revealing my male status, my mom would never allow me to wear boy's clothes again, or would refuse me seeing a therapist for HRT. My gender dysphoria became too much too quickly, and I loved life too much too consider suicide an option, no matter how pleasant it seemed at that point. So I was left with no other option than coming out.
Coming out to my Mother.
This was hard, as one may expect, the only people I had told before my mother was my disabled, bisexual friend, and my half-brother whom was living with our dad elsewhere at the time. I told them because I knew from the bottom of my heart that they would accept me no matter what..... and I also needed someone to run to in case coming out to my mom proved to be a disaster. This was because any time I had tried to approached my mom with even the slightest hint that i was anything other than a feminine female, she would refuse to hear it and shoot off some spout about how I was born a girl. This time, I approached my mom in tears, having just broken down in my room, and told her I had something to say. I asked her if she knew what a Transgender was. She said she did, and the explanation she gave me was so far from the true definition, I briefly wondered where she had been for the past hundred years. Turns out, she didn't even associate the word transgender with gender nonconforming people at all. I explained to her what a Transgender was, and at this point, she most likely knew what I was going to say. I told her about how I identified and felt like a male, how much I hated being seen as female or feminized. I explained what I had gone through for the last two years before finally gathering the courage to come out. As I had predicted, she hugged me and told me she would accept me no matter what I was. As happy as I was, I was also bothered, I wondered if she knew exactly what this entailed... HRT, SRS, using male facilities, changing my name and overall just identifying and introducing myself as male. I knew that me 'wanting to be a guy' wasn't something that could be explained in a day. And while she accepted me because I was her child.... I knew it might take longer to accept that I was no longer going be her 'perfect daughter'.
At times, I was worried that my fears about being denied treatment would be realized, so I constantly tested my mom. She seemed hesitant after me explaining about everything my blooming man status would involve, and I was always scared. At first, I would try simple things such as, asking if she would buy me a cap. She said no. Then I asked if I could wear trousers instead of a bikini bottom to the pool, She said no. The final straw came when I asked her if I could buy a chest binder, because I absolutely hated my bigger than average breasts, thus, this was important to me. When she said no, I lost it, and told her that denying me the things that I needed to make me feel comfortable wasn't making me any more female, and was only causing me grief. She tried to counter by saying that I 'couldn't' do that yet, and I might change, as if this was only some crazy phase. This struck me badly, and I was done. Finally, I told her something that I'll never forget or regret, and said "You have two choices now mom, you can either chose to have a transgender son, or a dead daughter!" I honestly considered living up to that subtle threat, but things seemed to change after our big argument. About a month later, I began testing her again, asking questions that I had asked before. I was greatly surprised. I asked her if she would buy me cap, she asked me which one. I asked her if I could wear trousers to the pool, she took me to the store the next day. And finally, I asked if I could buy a chest binder, and she said yes. After a few months, she revealed that she hadn't fully accepted me at first, but now accepted me wholeheartedly as long as I was informed, sure, and happy. Of course we still had our spats, mostly about money and how resource intensive transitioning was. However, we were still going forward.
Coming out to my Friends.
After coming out to my mom, I found it a lot less anxiety-inducing to come out to my friends. I don't have much to say about this truly. My closest friend, I came out to subtly at first, but soon just told her about my male status. It didn't really come as much of a surprise to them seeing as I had already been dressing and suggesting I identified more as a male than a female. The only thing that really bothered me about coming out to my friends is that, just as with my mom, many probably didn't know exactly what this entailed. My three closest friends however, did, and had no problem beginning to address me by my preferred pronouns and name and joke around with me about my transition, which I of course did not mind. However, eventually even my other friends began to get the hint, and while they still did not refer to me as 'he', they did however, realize that this wasn't a phase and this was a very serious and important thing in my life. I have a lot of friends, so it was surprising when none of my friends left me or thought any different of me after coming out, if any most of them told me they loved me more for having the courage to come out to them.
Coming out to my School.
For a minute, the mere thought terrified me, however, the positive reactions from my mom and friends had given a boldness that made me shrug the fear off. There was no tension building, nor was there a slow reveal, I just came out of the blue one day and said it. The first class I came out to ironically was my newest one, however I chose this one for two reasons. Firstly, it had a lot of classmates whom I hadn't seen in a long time, most of my friends were in that class too, and I was also given the perfect opportunity to reveal that over our vacation I had come out to my mother. Our teacher asked what we had done over winter break, I took this as a great opportunity to just say it, and as soon as I was called on, I let out what I had been hiding for years in a moment, without emotion, without waterworks, just a neutral smile on my face while inside as I was being torn apart inside with worry about how this would fly. It got a mixed, but overall good reaction. Some nodded in understanding, others looked confused. The teacher asked if I wanted to explain, and I agreed. I gave the definition of transgender and explained what this meant, both now and later in life. At this point, even with the cool facade I put on, I was still nervous, after all, I just told a class of about 30 people that I identified with a gender other than the one I was assigned at birth. However, after about a second I saw they were smiling, many people were simply talking about this newfound information and telling me how cool it was to know someone in real life who is transgender. The look of shock on my face must've been very apparent because my teacher simply smiled and told me she was proud of my courage. After that, the topic was rarely brought up again, but people still sometimes asked about my transition when I brought it up. Nobody treated me any different afterward, no insults or even remotely intolerant remarks were made towards me or my transgender status. Even when I came out to my other classes. Nobody who I know treated me differently, whether it be throwing too much attention to the subject or just plain out avoiding me. Same with my teachers, most of whom were simply proud or indifferent.
I found that after this, it became a lot easier to talk with my classmates and peers about various subjects. And one of the things I was most happy about was that nobody seemed to refer or remember me only because of my trans identity, I wasn't referred as 'That transgender kid.' I was still the same person who they knew from before, I simply deviated from my natal gender. I'm not sure if the reaction surprised me or not because I have no idea what I was really expecting. My school is very, very, diverse, so there are a lot of people from different backgrounds, with different sexualities, and different identities. Thus, the fact that they were interested and accepting about the topic of Transsexualism could've easily come as no surprise. As it is hard in my school to say something even remotely discriminatory about any type of identity without insulting someone who could just as easily be sitting next to you.
Coming out to my Dad.
After my initial coming out to my mom a few months before, this was probably the hardest person to come out to. Partly because he lived elsewhere. My mom insisted that I come out to him as soon as possible, since she did not want to be the only adult in my immediate family who knew, and she wanted to discuss my male identity with him. I put it off for months on end, fearing the worst. My fears were that he would be uncomfortable with the topic at best and would cut off communication with me. The reason for this was that he feminized me excessively, arguing when I did anything even remotely masculine, and wasn't exactly known for being the most tolerant person. I knew he would accept me, but not without a fight over my identity and who I really was. He was the kind of person who would simply say 'It's a phase' or 'Wait a couple years, you'll be putting on makeup soon enough.' And I wasn't really up for that kind of heartbreak at that point. After it became too much for my mom, I found out she revealed to my dad about my trans status. She told me I had to talk to him eventually, and just as I was about to pick up my phone, I noticed he had sent me a message containing three links. The first link was to some doctor's site talking about homosexuality and was way to convoluted for me to even want to understand. The second was somewhat helpful, it led to a website talking about LGBT's and showing support. However, it was third link the caused me to lose faith him in him ever understanding. It went to a pdf written by some so called 'professional' about Homosexuality and how to 'cure' it. To me it seemed my dad didn't even think I was transgender, just a confused lesbian. For this, I put off speaking to my dad for a few more days, until finally, for the first time in about a week, I picked up his call.
It started off as it usually did, with me trying to explain what a transgender was and what it entailed. However, it almost immediately went wrong. He interrupted me, trying to correct me by saying that a transgender was, and I quote "A man who wants to wear dresses and act like a woman." and that "A woman could never be a man." His ignorance angered me, not only for myself but also for my MtF friends. His crude definition was so far from the truth that I honestly just stayed silent in shock, and I immediately regretted my decision to come out over the phone. Finally, when I found my voice, I corrected him firmly, telling him that I was transgender and that inside, I was truly a guy. He tried to combat this by saying that I was very feminine when I was younger, and I immediately told him why, I was like what? 5? I barely knew I had a brain of my own, and I never really realized how much of a divide there was between genders until later. He tried implying that was also simply a phase that would pass. And that's when I started crying. If there's one thing I hate more than any insult, was being told that all my suffering, and battling, and closeting was for nothing because according to them, adults knew more about me than myself simply because they were older.... right? Wrong.... I struggled not to yell, as I explained over and over that this was my identity, this was who I felt like. He seemed to try and listen, but it didn't get through his head.
His final, and possibly most hurtful comment was when he said "But you're a woman, you can't be a man." And I broke, I began yelling, no longer allowing him to speak as my feelings gushed out. I told him how this was me, and if he didn't like it, then he could go, because it was my identity, my body, and I would do whatever I wanted with it, including transition, with or without his help. I told him how he could could be a supportive force in my life or be none at all. I explained how I was done with suffering and how I control my life and would gear it towards happiness even if I had to do it alone. He wouldn't live my life for me, so when it came to something as close as my identity, he couldn't tell me what to do. Just because I was born one way and expected to be that way, didn't mean I would conform because of another person. I was tired of being put into another person's ignorant box of 'perfection'. I ended off by telling him the same thing I told my mom, he had two choices, he could either accept his transgender son or deal with a dead daughter. And I was done. I sat there, silently weeping as he said nothing for a few more minutes. When he spoke again, I was glad to hear words of acceptance. As with my mom, I knew it wasn't something that could be explained in a day, especially when it came to what transition entailed. However, I was glad to hear that at the very least, my dad accepted me.
In the weeks that followed he showed an amount of support that astounds me to this day. It seemed that while the initial coming out took longer than my mom due to ignorance and false information, anything after that he accepted wholeheartedly. He asked me what I was planning to change my name to, he began using gender neutral pronouns as best he could ((Which in Spanish, is pretty hard to accomplish.)), and he showed a legitimate interest in helping me transition as long as I knew what was was doing and was sure and well-informed.
Other responses.
The overall response I got from my half-brother ((Who, I think, is wayy too mature and logically-oriented for his age)), was just an 'Ok'. It was amusing, and I honestly couldn't have asked for a better response <3
I think the worst response I got from any of my classmates, even the ones whom I had met recently, came surprisingly from a girl who I had known to some time who very simply said 'But you look like a girl.' Overall it wasn't terribly hurtful, but it made me self conscious for a while. But other than that, nothing hateful or demeaning was aimed at me because I identified as male.
The now.
Now? I couldn't be doing better, the overwhelmingly positive responses and support I have received from my family had encouraged me to seek help and be bolder and much happier. After months of endless searching, I finally found a therapist who is affordable and understanding, our first session is next week. After coming out, my increased happiness and confidence allowed me to find love in those closest to me. I am currently in a polyamourous relationship with my straight best friend ((Now girlfriend)) and a bi guy whom I had known for about a year. I am hoping to start HRT before my next birthday, and have surgery before the one after that. After coming out to my school, I live as a full time male during my transition, my appearance thankfully somewhat allowing for it. I introduce myself as male except when truly necessary, and my friends, family, and school are making efforts to begin calling me by my preferred gender pronouns and new name ((Which I hope to change officially within a month.)) I was done living inside a box, I've decided it's time to be happy (:
((Also, I apologize for the length of this and hope I did't reveal to much about who I am. I might check for spelling errors later when my hand isn't so tired, in the meantime, I apologize for any you may find. ^^'))
-Also, hello Jayson (: [My therapist]-
