My computer keeps glitching.

Quote from: Shantel on March 08, 2014, 08:08:39 PM
Let's just chalk it up to they're suspicious!

Lol perhaps

ongoing violence in the apartment next door.

people keep saying it's the girl's own fault, because she's where she is due to choices she made, but I don't see how failing to make "correct" choices would make a person deserve to get beat up and made fun of.

Quote from: Felix on March 09, 2014, 05:45:57 AM
ongoing violence in the apartment next door.

people keep saying it's the girl's own fault, because she's where she is due to choices she made, but I don't see how failing to make "correct" choices would make a person deserve to get beat up and made fun of.

That's like saying she deserved to be raped because she was dressed provocatively, sorry bass-todds huh?

Quote from: Felix on March 09, 2014, 05:45:57 AM
ongoing violence in the apartment next door.

people keep saying it's the girl's own fault, because she's where she is due to choices she made, but I don't see how failing to make "correct" choices would make a person deserve to get beat up and made fun of.

Seeing this.    Not only for the girl, but for Felix and his daughter. That must be very difficult hearing that all the time and feeling helpless to do anything for her.

My boots are falling apart.
Dad won't give me more money for them because he thinks they are in OK shape to last me the next 2 months, and I have "enough" clothes, preferring for me to wait to buy more until after the semestre is over and I can go find some sort of job for the summer.
On the counter, he did buy me a lot of things yesterday, including a nice meal, and may also pay for hormones if it doesn't work out with insurance. But I meed more clothes and shoes!

I have an annoying cough.   

I was going to post about my crazy sister and what I had to deal with this morning, but I'm afraid of embarrassing them by going into specifics and deleted my original detailed post.  So I'll just say that I feel like I'm living with a member of the gestapo and it's amazing that I get treated the way I do by a family member.   Seriously, if I told you all the "rules" and "demands" I have to follow to keep the peace and stop, you would think Chamberlain is less of an appeaser.  It's amazing.  I'm just sick of being bossed around and treated like garbage or an animal by her.   It's been like this since I was a kid and it's nor fair how much of a dictator she can be with everyone her life (even my mother).  Believe me, if I explained the crap I get put through, no one would be shocked at my self esteem levels and why I hate confrontation of all kind.  I love her and we're really close, but sometimes I'm just amazed at how selfish and inconsiderate she is of other people.  It's like empathy or altruism are concepts that she can't even concieve.   It's always been all about her and she is always right.  I'm tired of it, but I can't speak up because than it leads to screaming and fighting.  eh....

Quote from: learningtolive on March 10, 2014, 07:30:36 AM
It's like empathy or altruism are concepts that she can't even concieve.   It's always been all about her and she is always right.  I'm tired of it, but I can't speak up because than it leads to screaming and fighting.  eh....

Cinderella had two sisters like that! I have seen that dynamic in families and it isn't pretty, hang in there honey! ((hugs))

Depression is coming back. Hard. No motivation to do anything.

Of course that happens on the day classes resume.

Quote from: learningtolive on March 10, 2014, 07:30:36 AM
I was going to post about my crazy sister and what I had to deal with this morning, but I'm afraid of embarrassing them by going into specifics and deleted my original detailed post.  So I'll just say that I feel like I'm living with a member of the gestapo and it's amazing that I get treated the way I do by a family member.   Seriously, if I told you all the "rules" and "demands" I have to follow to keep the peace and stop, you would think Chamberlain is less of an appeaser.  It's amazing.  I'm just sick of being bossed around and treated like garbage or an animal by her.   It's been like this since I was a kid and it's nor fair how much of a dictator she can be with everyone her life (even my mother).  Believe me, if I explained the crap I get put through, no one would be shocked at my self esteem levels and why I hate confrontation of all kind.  I love her and we're really close, but sometimes I'm just amazed at how selfish and inconsiderate she is of other people.  It's like empathy or altruism are concepts that she can't even concieve.   It's always been all about her and she is always right.  I'm tired of it, but I can't speak up because than it leads to screaming and fighting.  eh....

Take a look at this, hon. I think you might find it helpful:

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Fuimano17.html

You do not have to put up with it. You are a human being, with as much right to your own life, wants and needs as anyone else.

Severely depressed, my Mum died last friday and I wasn't there with her, she had a tough life, we didn't always see 'eye to eye' but I still loved her, will miss her and I'm very sad....................

Oh, Megants, I am so so sorry.  Hugs. 

Quote from: megants on March 10, 2014, 04:19:16 PM
Severely depressed, my Mum died last friday and I wasn't there with her, she had a tough life, we didn't always see 'eye to eye' but I still loved her, will miss her and I'm very sad....................

Sorry, my heart goes out to you dear! ((Hugs))

I found some old photos from high school. Damn, I can't believe my hairline was so low back then. And how freaking ugly I was.

The more I look at them, the more dysphoric I get. I can now remember that I was never happy with my body.

Quote from: Shantel on March 10, 2014, 09:20:55 AM
Cinderella had two sisters like that! I have seen that dynamic in families and it isn't pretty, hang in there honey! ((hugs))

Thanks Shantel. It's not all bad, but sometimes I just want to cry out real loud.  Yes, we are a dysfunctional family and the family dynamics hurt a lot, but I love them and they're all I have.   

Quote from: Sephirah on March 10, 2014, 01:37:17 PM
Take a look at this, hon. I think you might find it helpful:

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Fuimano17.html

You do not have to put up with it. You are a human being, with as much right to your own life, wants and needs as anyone else.

Thanks Seph.  That was a great article and I thank you for sharing.  It's just things are much harder than I wish they were.  Seriously, I'm not dealing with a normal family situation that can be fixed through talking (believe me). I wish I were, but it's all messed up and always has been.  I'm just so upset and resentful towards some of them because they've damaged me so much so early on in my life.  If I wasn't afraid of embarrassing everyone or causing them pain I would open up more, but I just can't because it really would.  Though, I thank you for all your help. 

By the way, my family isn't all bad and I do love them all.  So it's not like everything is terrible either.   I don't want people to get the wrong idea because I really love them all, including my sister. 

My drunken mother took the grilled chicken my sister had for me for the ENTIRE WEEK, cut it up and put it in a big pot of boiling meat.  She claimed she thought it was the chicken she made Sunday, but these were are much smaller.  I will take part of the blame because I think she would figure it out that she didn't make those.  Apparently not, intoxicated or not.  Now I'll actually have to make sure to

Last week she brought a large box of honey nut cheerios (my major weakness) and I told her I can't have them and she says that they are for her to eat dry.  Yeah right.  The bag is STILL unopened  I told her to give them to my brother and she's like "no I want to eat them".  I know her.  She isn't going to eat them.  She has a habit of buying and cooking crap and expecting everyone else to eat it.  I'm trying to lose weight and she (aside from myself) is my biggest obstacle. 

Now she just got done arguing with m and telling me how I don't do anything (which is particually true, but not as bad as she makes it out to be)

I can't wait until I find a job.  I hope I can find one with long hours so I can be away from that woman.  Yes I said "that woman".  I love my mom, but right now, she is "that woman" to me.  She takes her problems and frustrations out on me, especially when she is drunk and I hate it.

My dad is the same way lol. He cooks waaaay too much food and then gets mad when people don't eat it. It's like, we can't! lol. Just way too much.

He also was telling me on our trip how he needs to lose weight, and then when I make healthier choices than him, he'll go "ooh that's healthy ha ha" or buy a ton of unhealthy food like donuts.

It's madness I tell ya lol.  My mom brought a case of doughnuts the other day and I asked her why did she get them and she said "because they were on sale"

Quote from: Malachite on March 11, 2014, 07:09:58 PM
It's madness I tell ya lol.  My mom brought a case of doughnuts the other day and I asked her why did she get them and she said "because they were on sale"

Yeah. I wouldn't mind it so much if my parents didn't go on and on about weight, and then buy that stuff (my dad mostly). But they go on and on about it, and I think "no wonder!"