Hi, it's the first time I post a question but I feel like I really need help and support right now.
So, I'm in my early twenties and living with my parents, who are paying for my education. I have been in therapy for a year, and I have seen two different therapists, an endo, and a psychiatrician, so it's not like I am rushing anything.
Until now, everytime I have talked about me being transgender with my mother I got nothing but deep hostility. Yesterday I told her that I was planning on starting hrt in two weeks and her reaction was the worst she could have.
She told me that between the two of us it was over, that she would have committed suicide if she ever saw hair on my face, that I wasn't allowed to call her mother anymore, that she would have gone away as far as she could taking my little brother with her (she knows how much it would hurt me) and so on.
I love her dearly, and I don't want to say things that could hurt her, so, after punching the wall hard enough to stain it with blood (btw, how do you remove blood from a wall?) I packed and left home.
For this night I stayed with my grandmother, but she is pretty unsupportive too. This might sound funny, but she actually tried to shave my legs while I was watching tv.
I have nobody I can ask for help. So I came here. What would you do in my place?
But more than that, I wish to find someone who has been in a similar situation, or still is, because right now I feel utterly alone.

I apologise if I have been so long, and for my lame English (I come from a non English speaking european country)

Non è un problema, Mattia. Tua madre è pazza.

Do you have a job, to support yourself, or are you in college?  I would get away as fast as possible.

Ciao, grazie della risposta.
Unluckily, no, I don't have a job. I am financially dependent on my parents, because I am attending university. To find a job I would have to give up my studies and I obviously don't desire it.
Moreover my first desire is to find a solution that will let me go my way without hurting my family, that I love more than anything.

Your mom is just saying whatever she can to keep you from changing. It's another matter if she actually holds up to what she says.

Than you for answering.
I hope she is. I hope you are right.
But the question is: is it a risk that I can run?

I'm in a very similar situation but have chosen to not "come out" to my mom or discuss my plans with her because I know she'll kick me out of the house. My therapist is arranging for me to meet with a caseworker, so I can hopefully find housing elsewhere soon. Is there any resources that your country's government or your school offers for people in an abusive situation? Because it sounds like both your mother and grandmother are abusive towards you. Also, even if your mother tries to keep you away from your brother, you could give him an email address that he can use to connect with you.

I don't know what to say man, sounds like a VERY difficult situation to say the least, actually abusive I agree. It might be time to concentrate on school and put your mind into (easier said than done) because it will help you in your whole life. I'm not sure if it constitutes abuse in the country you live in, I mean according to the law. I have a friend in France and he says things can be conservative there.

BTW, you write better English than a lot of the young American guys do.

--Jay

Thank you for the answers.
To answer your question, no, here it can not be considered abuse by the law because I am already an adult. They don't have to pay for my studies, and if they do they can put conditions. In my case, not to transition Until I am financially independent.

Mal: I am sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation. At the same time I'm glad I am not the only one. I really really hope you will find appropriate housing soon!

Jay: thank you for the support. I think the laws here are pretty similar to france! I try to focus on studying as much as I can, but right now I feel like I cannot delay my transition further. I feel like THIS is the time. I think it is a moment we all live. We think about it for years, but sooner or later the moment comes in which you feel it is time to do it.


As a general update, yesterday my mother and grandmother yelled against me for a long time, saying things I do not want to write down right now. They even called my father by phone to have some backup.

Maybe it's all in my mind, but to me it feels like they are going through all the first four stages of kubler ross' grieving (denial, anger, bargaining and depression), all at the same time. Is it a common reaction?

First of all, it's awful you are dealing with this, but it sounds like you're being very mature and logical about your situation. On that, I commend you.

I'm not sure where you live, but have you checked with a counselor or adviser at school? Universities often have tons of resources for the students and someone might have a lead on something that could help you out, either with talking to your family, a support group, or help with housing.

If your mother has threatened to kill herself, I'd tell an authority figure just so it's documented. That way if she DOES attempt something, it will be very easy to get her help. That's the responsible thing to do, even if she said it out of anger to try and manipulate you.

Ciao Mattia!

I'm in a similar situation. I'm 18, and my parents don't support me no matter what. I doubt that they would ever kick me out, but they won't let me see a therapist...

Also while it IS true that people who commit suicide talk about it ahead of time sometimes, what your mother did was not suicidal (unless she has a hx of this), but manipulative behavior. So I think it essentially something she thinks might manipulate you not to be on T. I'm sorry but I thought you weren't able to transition. If you are, I think you should go ahead. She sounds a bit "hard core" to come around, but sometimes people can be surprising.

--Jay

Really, really thank you all for answering! You have helped a lot with suggestions and encouragement, and as I wrote before I am kinda relieved and sad at the same time knowing I am not the only one there.
I hope eventually she will come around. I doubt it, but I hope it.
Thank you again.
If I will find the courage to start hrt next tuesday as planned, I'll update you.

Jay: completely out of topic, but I saw your last YT video and wanted to congratulate you. I do it here bc for unknown reasons I cannot post comments there. Hope you read it.

Chreestophaw: I am sorry to hear it. How do you currently deal with the situation? I hope you have friends out there to support you. Actually I started seeing a therapist wihout my family's consent, I just didn't tell them anything. I came out when I was already about 6 months of gender therapy. Can't you go see a therapist on your own? Maybe a local LGBT center can have resources to help you getting started. If you are already 18yo you don't legally need parents' consent, right? I know it sucks, but you can do without their support.

Aw thanks buddy.

--Jay

@Mattia: Sadly, I can't. There aren't any LGBT centers around here, and I'm sure that the therapists around here aren't qualified enough... (there's a lot of homophobia and transphobia here), so I'm worried about seeing one. Unless there are therapists online for this, I really can't. Not many friends support me, because they don't really understand it or just prefer to avoid the topic, but yeah.. it's hard to deal with it all by myself.

Christopher: I feel the same way. But you don't necessarily have to do it all by yourself. Check your inbox, I sent you a pm

My parents are VERY unsupportive, to the point where my mom has told me should would have rather of me successfully committed suicide than live my life as male and other really mean and messed up things. throughout everything she has said i took a risk and i went ahead with my transition and started T. i am 8 months into it and while my parents say everything i can to make me hate myself and try to change my mind and harass me and torture me they never kicked me out nor have they stopped helping me with paying for school and my car. its very tough to live my life the way i want to in my house, my parents call me my birth name and use female pronouns and anyone that comes into my house has to do the same but i have facial hair and a deep voice. i have been out as transgender for over 3 years now as well. your mom could be reacting in anger. if i were you i would not start hrt just yet but i would also not give up. i do not know if in france you can have a part time job while going to school but if you can i would do that. i would search around find some friends that maybe you could stay with or even go away to school so you dont have to worry if they do kick you out. expect the worst but hope for the best.