I am a lesbian and I have only ever been with women who arent trans. I have recently got to know a (trans) woman and I fancy her a lot, but it is for her personality more than anything else. I havent said anything to let her know that I like her as anything more than a friend, but she might have got the idea that I do, and she has made her interest in me clear. I am seeing her again next week and she spoke about it as a date so I am worried that she might already think that this is going somewhere. When she spoke to me about being trans I said I was cool with it but that was when I only liked her as a friend. In terms of her personality she is everything I want in a partner. I know that sex is not everything, but I dont know if I will ever be able to sleep with her and I am so scared of starting something with her just to realise that thats never going to be possible with her. I feel guilty saying this but I am only sexually attracted to genetic female bodies and turned off by masculine ones. I dont know what to do. If I decide to pursue the attraction and start dating her I am scared of stringing her along or messing with her feelings if it turns out I just cant do it. Its not just sex - its cuddling close to her and feeling our bodies together. The thought of her being with me if I am turned off by her body makes me feel so guilty because she deserves someone who loves all of her. I dont know how I would react until I am put in that situation, but I dont want to put us in that situation and potentially hurt her feelings if it isnt going to feel right for me. I know I am jumping ahead of myself because we arent together, but like I said I dont want to string her along. I cant get her out of my head though and I dont know what to do. Any advice?

I think you should just tell her what you have said here.

You need to be honest up front with her as she with you.

If you then both feel it would be something to explore then you should make rules of engagment.

You never know as you say until you are in the heat of the moment, and as for her she might find it is not what she wishes?

You did not say if she was pre or post. I know that sometimes being pre op can be a challenge to some relationships.

I wish you luck. Be honest and move forward to your own speed but and you need to talk before as to how, where and why.

Isabell

I think Isabell is right. The most important thing is to talk to them and have you both express your feelings. Be open and honest, try and make sure that you are both on the same page.

I don't know if this is any guide, and I hope it doesn't offend you in any way ... but anyway ...

I have an MTF friend who transitioned decades ago and has lived and worked entirely as a woman, with none of her co-workers ever having any idea that she's not a regular cis-female.

But she's never had sex reassignment surgery.

She identifies as a lesbian and only ever has female partners - she's currently in a stable, loving relationship - with women who also identify as lesbian. She says that the fact that she still has male genitalia has never been a problem in her relationships. Quite the opposite, in fact. Her lovers accept her as female ... but with an in-built sex-aid.

Make of that what you will ...

I've found acceptance within the lesbian community, despite being a non-op trans woman. We are not exactly common in the lesbian community here, but there are enough of us that using the word 'strapless' will tell all that is needed.

Some women are OK with a strapless, some aren't.. Hey, not everyone likes my personality..

I have dated a few cis lesbians who had never been with anyone with male genitalia. Most expressed concern about it, and I told them that they could think of it as a built-in-strap-on. That seems to help. Another thing that helps is the fact that I don't like that thing, nor do I like using it.

I agree that you should just openly discuss this with her. Let her know your concerns, and let her talk about it with you.

If you don't let her know how you feel she will never know, so will you be any worse off?  One thing worth remembering is that she is less impressed with that part of her anatomy than you are, and is unlikely to want you paying it any attention.  It seems that most trans women are more interested in the emotional side of a relationship than the physical and are happy to let their partner set the pace.
If she eventually has SRS and is more comfortable with her body she will be looking forward to exploring how it works. I know I am 

Best wishes to you both.  Karen. 

I agree that you should just be up front with her. I don't recommend mentioning the "genetic" part, though - you can't see her genes. You may be surprised by how authentically feminized a body on HRT can be (and I second everyone else as well that she probably doesn't *want* to use her less-feminine parts and would be delighted if you could pretend they don't exist).

Communication is the key - let her know how you feel, your fears and so on.

Quote from: Lauren83 on February 14, 2014, 11:52:04 AM
I am a lesbian and I have only ever been with women who arent trans. I have recently got to know a (trans) woman and I fancy her a lot, but it is for her personality more than anything else. I havent said anything to let her know that I like her as anything more than a friend, but she might have got the idea that I do, and she has made her interest in me clear. I am seeing her again next week and she spoke about it as a date so I am worried that she might already think that this is going somewhere. When she spoke to me about being trans I said I was cool with it but that was when I only liked her as a friend. In terms of her personality she is everything I want in a partner. I know that sex is not everything, but I dont know if I will ever be able to sleep with her and I am so scared of starting something with her just to realise that thats never going to be possible with her. I feel guilty saying this but I am only sexually attracted to genetic female bodies and turned off by masculine ones. I dont know what to do. If I decide to pursue the attraction and start dating her I am scared of stringing her along or messing with her feelings if it turns out I just cant do it. Its not just sex - its cuddling close to her and feeling our bodies together. The thought of her being with me if I am turned off by her body makes me feel so guilty because she deserves someone who loves all of her. I dont know how I would react until I am put in that situation, but I dont want to put us in that situation and potentially hurt her feelings if it isnt going to feel right for me. I know I am jumping ahead of myself because we arent together, but like I said I dont want to string her along. I cant get her out of my head though and I dont know what to do. Any advice?

Lauren, you did not say if she was pre-op or post-op.  If she is pre-op, I am willing to been she is none too happy about her male bits either.

What I find interesting is that on some levels, you find yourself attracted to her.

I suggest just getting to know one another better.  It is early in the relationship and there is no need for an immediate commitment.  And Lauren , "never say never." 

Thankyou for all the replies. She is pre op. The comments here made me feel more comfortable about the idea and everything is going well so I asked her how it will work if we take things to the next level. She said that part of her body is totally off limits because she doesnt want anything to do with her male parts. I do understand but it means we can never be naked together, I can never touch her, sex would be one sided and I wont get to pleasure her at all - I wouldnt be comfortable with this. I dont know if this is reason enough to end things where they are. I feel guilty because its not her fault but I dont want to be unhappy in a relationship with her because that isnt fair on any of us.

Relationships are hard enough without adding all these other things.  Well she might be ready for a intense friendship, it doesn't sound like a good match for a love match.

Quote from: Lauren83 on March 13, 2014, 09:46:25 AM
I do understand but it means we can never be naked together, I can never touch her, sex would be one sided and I wont get to pleasure her at all - I wouldnt be comfortable with this

I am curious about this - is she refusing to disrobe, or is that particular place off limits?

The most erotic part of a persons body is between the ears. If she is ok with disrobing then there are LOTS of possibilities and methods that don't include you invading her off limits place.

Quote from: Eva Marie on March 13, 2014, 10:11:37 AM
I am curious about this - is she refusing to disrobe, or is that particular place off limits?

The most erotic part of a persons body is between the ears. If she is ok with disrobing then there are LOTS of possibilities and methods that don't include you invading her off limits place.

I am pre everything, but I am going to agree 100% with this comment.  There are enough ways to get intimate that do not involve dealing with the spare tackle to allow two consenting adults to achieve mutual satisfaction.

She will take her clothes off above the waist but nothing below. I dont know how I could satifsy her in these circumstances or how I would be satisfied because I love to give sexually.

Quote from: Lauren83 on March 13, 2014, 10:39:29 AM
She will take her clothes off above the waist but nothing below. I dont know how I could satifsy her in these circumstances or how I would be satisfied because I love to give sexually.

That DOES make things really difficult.  So, you sort of have your answer.  Sadly not all relationships were meant to be.

Quote from: Lauren83 on March 13, 2014, 10:39:29 AM
She will take her clothes off above the waist but nothing below. I dont know how I could satifsy her in these circumstances or how I would be satisfied because I love to give sexually.

Sensual touching, body kisses, breasts...these are all great ways to feel erotic pleasure without going to the bad area. If she is comfortable just getting down to her underwear, then you have the legs and feet to work with too. There are far more ways to get someone off than just going straight for the gold. Help her get to know her whole body.

You could also ask her what fetishes or fantasies she has, and roleplay to the best of your ability carrying them out. As Eva Marie said above, the most important sex organ is the brain, and appealing to the intimate desires that way could work.

Or she could be like my love, and find personal satisfaction in being a good lover for you. Ultimately, you have to ask her what she wants from a sexual encounter, and express what you want, and accept that it may not involve equal pleasures between the two of you.

I always identified as a lesbian. The only man I ever fancied I ended up marrying. Imagine my suprise when he told me that he wanted to transition into a woman! That was a pleasant suprise that has made me so much more confortable in our relationship. I imagine her naughty bits as a permanent strap-on. I say you should be honest with her and see if she would be willing to give it a try!