Hi everyone,

I'm a 34-years old biological male who, like a lot of you, is really a girl. For the last 4-5 months, I've been really considering transitioning, but I am really scared that it may be too late for me. I know lots of people do this sort of thing in their 30's, 40's and even 50's, but I feel like if the transition did not go well at all, I think I would have been better off staying as I am now.

For me, I really and truly feel like the fact that I didn't transition earlier was a big injustice. The only reason I didn't and couldn't was due to my family - and more specifically, the amount of abuse I went through for the first 23 years of my life.

My family - especially my dad - was very much aware that they had a son who never acted or thought like a boy. I know not everyone has supportive parents, but my family abused the hell out of me when I was growing up (in every way imaginable), mostly because of this gender disphoria... but also because they were just evil psychopaths and horrible people. Both my brothers were not much better.

Because of this abuse, I suppressed all of my thoughts about my gender and of my childhood, which used to be really clear to me when I was 5 or 8 years old. I never fully recovered all of the memories until this year. It actually took 7 years of very intense therapy and emotional processing to recover it all, and there was a lot of triggers that were about tons of other stuff - like social anxiety, sexuality, and all manner of things - not just gender.

What is really interesting is that the entire time I have finally escaped my family - a total of 9 years - I was still behaving quite feminine and thinking like a girl in most things. I was constantly having trouble "living like a guy" too. Despite this, I was never consciously aware of the fact that I thought I was girl - I just thought I was feminine... or very sensitive... or something like that. Now that my memories and stuff are fully integrated, my whole life - especially all of the problems I've had in the last 9 years with dating and a bunch of other things - make so much sense to me now.

Anyway, now that my mind is pretty well-adjusted, I'm fairly happy, etc., I am giving transition some very serious thought. I've read lots of information that says one can expect much better results if you transition when you're younger, like in your teens or maybe early 20's. I have not read very many good success stories of girls transitioning in their 30's though.

I do have a couple of things going for me that may combat my age:

- My skin is already smoother and silkier than most woman. It's very high quality, mostly because I didn't do any male activities to ruin it, and I avoided the sun a lot. I am rather naturally hairy though, but I have been shaving everything and maintaining that for some time. I plan on getting everything removed via laser regardless of my decision to transition.
- I already have a natural 4-inch hourglass figure, without having done any waist training. There's actually lots of room for improvement here, and I bought a corset to do just that.
- My lower body, besides my hips, is already super feminine, and I surprisingly look good in Yoga Pants and panties. My hips could obviously be wider, but I am very happy with my lower body already.
- I am very healthy, I exercise, I am very strict in what I put into my body, and I am not overweight.
- My natural voice is probably already quite close to how a girl would sound like. I am fortunate to either have unconsciously trained it to talk like a girl, or the testosterone has not as big of an impact on me as others... or both. I suspect my testosterone levels are below average, and my estrogen levels are higher naturally.

Still, I have a wider upper chest frame, and I suspect if I did not get at least a B-cup from hormones (and probably C, which is very rare), the breasts from hormones will not look proportionate to my body type. I am also not at all sure how my face will look after hormones. I have no idea what to expect, and I'm scared that I may have to get plastic surgery... which is something I am not thrilled about. I don't want to do anything really invasive that could potentially have very bad long-term affects.

I will say too that the way I look is less important than how people treat me and my freedom to simply *be me*. I know these things are not mutually exclusive, but I have found that if I'm with a girl romantically and she "gets me", I am very happy. There's not a lot of girls who are naturally dominant this way, but they do exist and they make great partners. When I act like my real self around my friends, I am also happy. It's nice having supporting friends who don't judge and are simply happy when you're happy.

I do things to feel more feminine as well, which helps too, like waxing or wearing female clothes that work for my body and don't draw too much attention. I wouldn't say I am a cross-dresser per say... I play it pretty safe because I actually don't want to be noticed. I kind of like people leaving me alone. Still, I do more than just wear panties, lol. My actual home looks way more like a the girl lives there than a guy - my landlord certainly comments on this.

The real reason I want to transition though is that I am really frustrated and tired and sad of having gender expectations placed on me by the general public. Men seem to be super competitive, and when you're as intelligent and skillful as I am, men seem to take every opportunity to prove to you that their dick is bigger than yours. I also find that they are disrespectful, as they try to assert their "dominance", as if they are just letting their biology rule every decision they make. I just notice it too much, and I can't stand it. I tend to avoid men like the plague. It's a good thing I am not at all attracted to them.

Dating women is also very frustrating, because they place all of these masculine expectations on me, which are not at all natural for me to fulfill. I'm the girl who wants to snuggle and be protected by my partner - not the other way around. I want the girl to take my hand and lead me around. I want her to initiate the first kiss, and the sex. I want her to put her arm around me. However, when women expect you to take care of them, provide them with resources, anticipate their every need, lead them, etc., which is completely unnatural for me.

So... I think if I actually looked like a girl, people would actually treat me the way my brain says they should treat me. I am just tired of being treated like a guy, from all perspectives. My only solitude is a girl I am dating that gets me (which is rare), or my very good friends.

But, I am scared. I don't want to <not allowed> up my body, or make things even worse by them not turning out well. I don't have 100's of thousands of dollars to correct what is wrong after 2 years on hormones. I can't even imagine being 35, and if things go wrong, still having to wait even more time to fix those problems before I can finally start living my life. It seems unfair, after all of the therapy I've done where I already wasn't really living my life... not to mention my whole childhood was stolen from me too. I am filled with grief of not getting what I wanted for the last many decades, and I just want to start getting it now, now that my triggers are mostly gone.

I so desperately want to be able to just snap my fingers and be a girl, but I know that can't happen. And I am very scared that I am well past my ability to transition and look like the person that I see on the inside. And even worse, have it turn out horribly, where I may actually be in a better position to get what I want as a male.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any thoughts. I'm really curious about success stories from girls in their early to mid-thirties. Thanks for listening.

Like most things, you're going to get out what you put in.  Transitioning takes time and effort unfortunately.  I'm not sure that age has much to do with it.  If you transition when you're 20, you'll become a 20 year old girl.  If you transition when you're 40 (like me), you'll become a 40 year old woman.

Yeah, it sucks that I'll never have experienced being a 20 year old girl, or a 30 year old girl.  But I can make it my goal to not turn 50 ruefully wishing I had known what it was like to have been a 40 year old woman.

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.  You're 34, so you'll end up becoming a 34 year old woman.  Don't let the idea that you'll never be this young pretty girl put you off transitioning.  I can say with almost certainty that you're not getting any younger and this isn't going to get any easier as time progresses.  You'll one day be a 60 year old man, and you'll look back on yourself in your thirties and think how young and lucky you once were, and how you squandered your chance to spend decades as a female.

Look at my picture sweetie. Can you believe I had a career as a Paramedic/Firefighter and I started transition at 47 years old. Yes, you can do it and be VERY successful. I started transition at 47, was 6'00", 249 pounds. I had huge arms and shoulder mass from the job. It worked very well for me so don't think you cant be happy starting at 34.

I'm almost 45 and started just over a year ago.  Best year I've ever had.  I had no clue how miserable I was until I found out what happy actually is.

It's never too late to be you.   Plus estrogen is the best drug I ever did, and believe me, I tried them all.

Don't let age worry you. Everyone's path is different, and everyone's physical reaction to hormones is different. You will change externally, but more importantly, you'll change inside too The degree at which you'll physically change is more to do with genetics than age. When you start older, it takes longer, but the changes still happen.

I don't really want to be giving too much personal information out here, but I'm definitely up there in age for someone on a transitional path. If I can do it, you can do it, sister

Hugs
Kelsie

I'm almost 44 and I just started HRT myself. Seems like there always was excuses why not to do it in the past, but the depression for me was only getting worse. I don't have much physical changes yet but psychologically I feel great!

Age isn't a barrier to a successful transition in and of itself.

This first pic is from July 2010. I'm pre HRT but I've had nearly a year's worth of laser on my neck and face

I started my social transition in January 2011 and HRT in June 2011. The 2 years of laser finished in August of that year too.

This next one is from January 2014, about 2.5 years into HRT.

Hi Katie,

I'm 35 and just started my transition a few months ago.  I'm 6' tall and I've also got reasonably broad shoulders.  These were two things that definitely held me back for years, but I finally reached a point where I couldn't deal with the internal angst anymore.  I decided to accept that fact that I'd probably always stand out from the crowd (especially when wearing heels!) but that I'd give it my best shot.

As many others have described, I also couldn't be happier at this stage in my life.  A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and the real me is finally making its way out.  I think we all wish that we could flip a switch and just change overnight, but it does take time... I'm smack in the middle of the "awkward" phase, and its not easy, but I'm still happier than I ever was before.

From everything you described, it sounds like you shouldn't have much trouble.  You have a lot of great things going for you!  A wide upper chest can make finding clothes that fit well a bit more challenging, but they are out there.

More therapy may be the last thing you're interested in, but I'd really recommend talking to someone experienced in this area.  Mine was a godsend with helping me accept who I am, and now I'm on the fast track to the other side!

Big Hugs,
-H

Hi Katie,

Age is just a number and everyone grows and ages at different rates. I'm 38 and I'm told I look ten years younger (hope it stays that way!). For me, I had two simple choices a) be unhappy and wonder about what could have been each and every day or b) do something about it while I'm relatively young.

Alena x

Hiya

Age means nothing, many people i've spoken to on here over the last 3 yrs are older than me & manage to transition without their age getting in the way (i'm 38 by the way).
I've been on HRT for 6 months & it's the best decision i've ever made in my life, as someone else said "E is the best drug", I can say this because i've tried most of them through my life to hide my trans status from myself.

The thing with being trans is it's often easier to find excuses why you shouldn't transition & remain miserable than to find reasons to transition & be happy (very, very happy), should you decide to start E then you'll probably end up giving yourself a facepalm whilst saying "why did I put this off!!".
You've given a long list of things you have in your favour, I don't think I can tick even one of those boxes & i've still managed to finally find the courage to do this.

You owe it to yourself to at least speak to a trained gender therapist to work through your feelings, don't forget that just because you've spoken to a therapist you don't have to go through with transitioning because it's your life & your decision how to live it.

Hi Katie,
I'm 33 I've just started hormones ( 30 days and counting  ) and like you I was thinking for a while I was getting to old to go for it. All I say is age is but a number. find someone to talk to (in Australia a like the gender center) to help get you started because with some good friends you will enjoy the ride.

(I'm convinced that all of the stories about what breast size trans women can expect are myths, except that genetics and body type likely play a part somehow - it's like 13-year-old girls speculating what puberty will bring. You just never know.)

I started HRT at 32, and around six months on estrogen-only was the last time I was ever misgendered, even in men's clothes and baseball cap with a male ID. Hormones cause a lot of subtle changes, but they're *profound.* I know my shoulders and neck are much smaller, my thighs/hips much bigger, and the general impression people have of me now is that I'm "smaller" than I was before, even though I weigh about the same. I had many of the same fears you did, but was shocked and amazed at how HRT drastically changed many of the small, subtle gender cues that people pick up on. By my yearly physical at a little over 1 year on HRT, I had to argue the nurse out of scheduling a Pap smear!

(Oh, and I'm 42DDD and still growing, though hopefully not much more.)

I know it's hard to stop being anxious this early on, but you'll likely also be pleasantly surprised and delighted by the changes. Don't worry about surgery and the like until you've given HRT at least a couple years to do its work!

Here are some examples of people that started transition in their 30's and had good results.

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Real-Life-Modern-Family/1

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/18/nicole-gibson-transgender_n_4284016.html

I'm 41, soon to be 42, and this is my third attempt at transitioning, or should I say ..... third time (if the bloodwork goes well) at going on HRT.  The first time I had to quit because I had no money and was trying to convince my wife (who'd just left me, and took our child) that I wasn't really transgender.  The second time I quit was when I had located my wife and son and had gotten an attorney to represent me, but he basically said that he did not have the time and resources to represent a case centering around gender issues, and basically told me that I could just come out as 'gay' or he could refer me onto other potential attorneys. 

Nevertheless, I'm balding horribly, but about a month ago I decided enough was enough.  My wife and son have been living with me for about 3-4 years now and she knows that gender issues would not stand up in court a second time around, so I knew that either I was going to continue living everyone else's lives and making THEM happy, or I could just be myself and show everyone that they, too, in some fashion or another, can co-exist happily with me.  My wife has told me that at some point we would just end up as roommates, but at least I know (I have faith) that I won't lose her or our son the next time. 

If you don't pursue this other side of you, you WILL regret it.  You'll likely have less hair, more wrinkles, HRT will be less beneficial to you other than a 'feel good' medicine, and doctors will be less likely to put you on HRT due to age and any health issues you would be presenting at that time.  Now's the time to flaunt it, or it will haunt you!

Constance, is that your real hair you're showing in the second picture?  If so, that's quite an improvement from the balding head in the first picture.

I'm 33...

This was 3 months before hormones...



And this was 6 weeks after starting hormones...



And in the 4 weeks since I think I've managed to become even more satisfied with the way things are going. I just don't have a camera that doesn't suck, and I've had no opportunities to be photographed by others, or, I'd have a newer pic.

I dunno. I can sympathize with you. For a long time I told myself "I could never pull it off, so why even try?" Sadly thats what delayed my transition until now. But, I'm finding that, now that I've taken this leap of faith, stress aside, I'm finding an internal peace and happiness I had never before known. So, that is something else to consider.

Quote from: Pinkkatie on March 13, 2014, 09:58:50 PM
I'm almost 44 and I just started HRT myself. Seems like there always was excuses why not to do it in the past, but the depression for me was only getting worse. I don't have much physical changes yet but psychologically I feel great!

Congratulations

Quote from: Constance on March 13, 2014, 10:05:07 PM
Age isn't a barrier to a successful transition in and of itself.

This first pic is from July 2010. I'm pre HRT but I've had nearly a year's worth of laser on my neck and face

I started my social transition in January 2011 and HRT in June 2011. The 2 years of laser finished in August of that year too.

This next one is from January 2014, about 2.5 years into HRT.

Is that your real hair in the second pic did hrt spawn that much regrowth or is it a wig I'm asking because I'm trying to figure out if I will get any regrowth with hrt.

What is age anyways?
I started taking hormones, eight months ago when I was 33. 
Personally, I've been mentality around 16-18.
If it is what you want to do, then do.
I waited for other reasons, but I  finally happy. 
Life is way to short to push it back anymore.
Join the wonderful world girlhood!
Just my two cents.

Quote from: Emily King on March 25, 2014, 07:16:06 AM
What is age anyways?
I started taking hormones, eight months ago when I was 33. 
Personally, I've been mentality around 16-18.
If it is what you want to do, then do.
I waited for other reasons, but I  finally happy. 
Life is way to short to push it back anymore.
Join the wonderful world girlhood!
Just my two cents.

Well said Emily age is only a state of mind, if you truly want this for yourself then go for it.

Two of my closest friends from a local trans group both started transition in their 30s. Both are now pretty much completely passable after a couple of years on HRT.

Early-mid 30s are still ideal ages for getting good hormone results, because most people are still very healthy at that age. HRT results tend to follow a sliding scale depending on how healthy you are, because it depends on the body's natural renewal process being allowed to work.

(And it still continues to work VERY well even for those who are much later in life, if they're healthy. One of my other close trans friends didn't transition until she was over 60 years old. But being a Navy veteran, her body was still in excellent shape (she looks more like she's in her 40s,) and she got absolutely fantastic results.)

HRT is a rebuilding process where old male-hormone-influenced tissues are slowly replaced with new female-hormone-influenced ones. The better your ability to still renew body cells, the more thoroughly HRT will be able to change you. So yeah, you're still at an age where most people are going to get very good results.