So I was talking to someone about my transition yesterday, she has known since February last year that I was trans* and since July that I was going to transition. She commented that I had come a long way since February, that she had been quiet surprised by my news at the time but that on reflection it "explained a lot about me"...!? I could tell she kind of wished she hadn't said it from the moment it left her lips - I dropped it and moved on. I wasn't insulted but I did wonder what she meant by it... "explained a lot" about what exactly? She was referring to a period pre-HRT and had known me for five years in male mode and I was curious as to what seemed to explain me being trans*. I suppose I should have asked but didn't want to go over the past. I guess, like others have remarked, some people just seem to have a vague sense that we're not happy in our genetic gender.

I can see how that could be unnerving for lack of a better word. It could be a positive, negative, or both. It could be she was trying to compliment you suggesting she likes the real you better, but yeah, sounds like she flubbed it up a bit. 

I think it depends on the individual, the amount of time you have known them, etc. I had a friend that I had known for around 12, 13 years say that exact same thing to me. I just laughed and said "Yeah...ya think?!" Of course, I was also sitting there in a long skirt and black dress shoes so it was a tad obvious. I've always been the sort of person where I just don't care about what happens most of the time (other than a few rare exceptions.) The chips fall where they may, yadda yadda yadda.

I've heard that a few times as well. After being told, most of my friends started examining my past to see if there were any "signs" that they had somehow missed or overlooked that pointed to me being trans. Invariably I heard things like "Ooh, that explains why you own a sewing machine" or "Ooh, I should've guessed. You DO knit afterall."

The people I've been friends with longer, or on a much closer basis, also cherry picked aspects of my personality that they thought indicated that I was trans.

I dunno. I've just taken it as people grasping to understand and needing an explanation - one that I can't provide, since I myself don't understand why I'm this way, and honestly don't care. I'm just looking to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Quote from: missadventure on March 14, 2014, 06:59:10 PM
I've heard that a few times as well. After being told, most of my friends started examining my past to see if there were any "signs" that they had somehow missed or overlooked that pointed to me being trans. Invariably I heard things like "Ooh, that explains why you own a sewing machine" or "Ooh, I should've guessed. You DO knit afterall."

The people I've been friends with longer, or on a much closer basis, also cherry picked aspects of my personality that they thought indicated that I was trans.

I dunno. I've just taken it as people grasping to understand and needing an explanation - one that I can't provide, since I myself don't understand why I'm this way, and honestly don't care. I'm just looking to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Mine didn't need to be cherry-picked. It was more than obvious. There were many times when I was out with friends and other people would  look at me and ask them: "Who's that girl?". It happened more times than I could count, or someone referring to me as she. They could never understand why that made me so happy (I'm HORRIBLE at hiding my emotions a lot of the time). One of the funniest times was when we went to one guy's house to party. They had this boxer/pit bull that was supposed to be uber scary so they were scared to death of it. When we got there, the dog came up to me, wagging his tail like he had known me forever. The owner looks at me and goes: "Hmmm, he usually does that around girls." I had already introduced myself but it was still really funny. It's like "Yeah, the dog knows something that you don't." 

I haven't had those experiences. My family still can't unravel that what signs I gave.I don't think no one knows any signs about me even though I hinted.

Quote from: izzy on March 14, 2014, 07:45:33 PM
I haven't had those experiences. My family still can't unravel that what signs I gave.I don't think no one knows any signs about me even though I hinted.

Well, family is always a different story. Outside of one aunt on my dad's side of the family, no one had a frickin' clue. She told me a few years back that she knew all along but she also could see how oblivious that the rest of my family was on both sides.

I think I would of rather heard this then to hear how someone was so shocked and in disbelief. I think hearing something like this can give someone a little more affirmation of what they are doing is the right choice. Though even if one doesn't get things said to them like this it doesn't mean something bad either.

I can't say it was the same for me. First I am from a more conservative area, most people have no idea what transgender even means.  I even have to remind my children of when they are explaining things they can't just tell people I am transgendered...the people their explaining too may say "oh ok" but then leave thinking WTH is transgendered.

I was in no way an over compensating male, but when I came out it was quite a shock. The shock wasn't about not knowing I was struggling with things all my life, the shock was what I was preparing to do and what I had already done!

Even though when I finally came out I was close to my in between stage and being gendered as female to most....but of course the people close to me were oblivious to this. I even remember the day I invited my sister to my therapists office to come out to her, the building had various hall ways and numerous waiting areas. As she walked in she passed me while I was sitting there waiting for her, she smiled and walked by. She later came by again and I called her name she looked at me and said "oh I was looking for you" I never told her she already passed by me. I am sure she realized it later when I came out to her!! Oh I also was presenting male at the time, somewhat androgynous but not feminine at all!

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on March 14, 2014, 07:32:24 PM
Mine didn't need to be cherry-picked. It was more than obvious. There were many times when I was out with friends and other people would  look at me and ask them: "Who's that girl?". It happened more times than I could count, or someone referring to me as she. They could never understand why that made me so happy (I'm HORRIBLE at hiding my emotions a lot of the time). One of the funniest times was when we went to one guy's house to party. They had this boxer/pit bull that was supposed to be uber scary so they were scared to death of it. When we got there, the dog came up to me, wagging his tail like he had known me forever. The owner looks at me and goes: "Hmmm, he usually does that around girls." I had already introduced myself but it was still really funny. It's like "Yeah, the dog knows something that you don't." 

I have never told my friends I'm trans. I'm kind of leary of their reaction by dropping like a hat. Oh well. I have left left enough hints there have to think for themselves.

Quote from: izzy on March 14, 2014, 08:07:05 PM
I have never told my friends I'm trans. I'm kind of leary of their reaction by dropping like a hat. Oh well. I have left left enough hints there have to think for themselves.

My two friends ditched me.

I didn't care. The hell with'em.

If I had been able to come out as a teen they would have hated me anyway.

I just thought that it was weird since they had seen so many signs to begin with.

Oh well...I had always known deep down in my heart that it would go that way once I let the cat of the bag. It wasn't a big loss. Honestly...looking back on it all, they were closer to "drug buddies" than friends. Hell, I never really had any friends.

Life goes on.

Grace, perhaps women who are close to you notice like mannerisms or behaviors and they feel at ease to share that with you.


Other than healthcare providers, I am out to 8 people.

I had a work provided professional coach (I had weekly help for 1.5 years) She said it explained a lot. Then the next hour she asked a lot of  questions. 
My HR Senior Partner said that explains a lot. We really connected and she shared so much in that 2 hours meeting.
Lastly, my wife, after the shock wore off said, that explains a lot.

I have had a lot people who said I am different, happy and really nice to be around. I was so miserable before HRT.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on March 14, 2014, 08:12:00 PM
My two friends ditched me.

I didn't care. The hell with'em.

If I had been able to come out as a teen they would have hated me anyway.

I just thought that it was weird since they had seen so many signs to begin with.

Oh well...I had always known deep down in my heart that it would go that way once I let the cat of the bag. It wasn't a big loss. Honestly...looking back on it all, they were closer to "drug buddies" than friends. Hell, I never really had any friends.

Life goes on.

Reading things like this makes me realize just how lucky I am. I may never be able to afford any of the surgeries I need, and thusly will be forever stuck in this inbetween land of discontent. But, not a single person I care about has had any problems with my transition. In fact, the mass majority have been really supportive, and even more surprising to me has been the fact that the people I figured would bail on my life have become my biggest supporters.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on March 14, 2014, 08:23:45 PM
Grace, perhaps women who are close to you notice like mannerisms or behaviors and they feel at ease to share that with you.

That's highly likely, even amongst some women who don't know that I'm trans* I'm regarded as "one of the girls" and I guess the implication is that I'm not like "other men". In part it's because I've never either learned or adopted the vast majority of male mannerisms and /or attitudes. I'm respectful of women, treat them as equals, don't stare at their breasts, don't interrupt when their talking, listen to their ideas and feelings, am easy to talk to about personal stuff, etc. So I guess if that's the aspect of my personality that explains it that's all fair and good - the only other cis men who tend to be like that around women are [gross generalisation]gay guys[/gross generalisation]. (And I'm pretty sure most people presume I'm gay anyway...)

Very few of my friends were all that surprised when I came out.. Comments like 'That explains a few things..', 'Tell me something I don't know..', 'What took you so long?' and my personal favourite, 'Derr!' were very common.. My family was slightly more surprised, but not much. The 'Derr!' comment came from an exGF.. lol

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 14, 2014, 08:59:31 PM
I've never either learned or adopted the vast majority of male mannerisms and /or attitudes. I'm respectful of women, treat them as equals, don't stare at their breasts, don't interrupt when their talking, listen to their ideas and feelings, am easy to talk to about personal stuff, etc.

Oh my! I think I look at other women's breast much more now than I did before! But I'm still thinking the same thing....why can't mine look like that!!

Well, I have always looked but made sure I never got caught! I was thinking about when being in general conversation to make sure to maintain a face to face connection, no drifting eyes! These days the looking is usually about comparison too.

or you can just say gawd I wish I had some boobs like yours...only to get a reply back...no you don't.

I know awhile back there was a post about how women didn't share much about personal stuff like monthly cycles, pregnancy, pms or even boobs...but in my experience it comes and goes. This week was one of those that I happen to have conversations with 3 different women at different times of the week...and all three happened to be about our breasts!! Its kinda fun to have those girly convo's at times!!

A couple of years ago I would of tried to get out of convo's like these....now I have something to relate with and enjoy them. Just the other day I needed some panti liners ( I'm pre-op but use them for bladder protection) when I picked them off the shelf a lady next to me asked me if the ones I picked were better then another type....I was like "oh ya there thinner but really absorbing, I went on to tell her the main reason I used them. She just laughed and said she does too!

I'm getting to hear a lot more about menopause than I ever bargained on, and that's with me being pre-full time! I don't mind though, it's great to have those kind of convos.

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 14, 2014, 06:34:31 PM
So I was talking to someone about my transition yesterday, she has known since February last year that I was trans* and since July that I was going to transition. She commented that I had come a long way since February, that she had been quiet surprised by my news at the time but that on reflection it "explained a lot about me"...!? I could tell she kind of wished she hadn't said it from the moment it left her lips - I dropped it and moved on. I wasn't insulted but I did wonder what she meant by it... "explained a lot" about what exactly? She was referring to a period pre-HRT and had known me for five years in male mode and I was curious as to what seemed to explain me being trans*. I suppose I should have asked but didn't want to go over the past. I guess, like others have remarked, some people just seem to have a vague sense that we're not happy in our genetic gender.

A few days before I got drunk with a couple of friends and ended up directly outing myself, I was chatting with an online friend about how our real life friends might react if they found out.  I said I wasn't sure, but one if he was accepting of it, would probably say "that explains a lot actually."

He was one of the two I was drinking with the night I first came out that started the whole process.  His reaction was "Really?"  Pause while let it set in.  "That actually explains a lot."

He was the only friend that I could tell didn't always buy the story/character excuse for things but never pressed or made an issue of it.  Just a brief questioning look and then he'd shrug it away.  That's why I figured he'd react with that explains a lot. 

I don't take it as a negative.  It often means they were more perceptive than most.  After all this is who you are and always have been.  Don't fault a person for seeing the glimmer of your true self under the performance.

Several of my friends were like "It all makes sense now" lol.

Weird thing is, they used to have a song that said I was a "black gothic lesbian" trapped in a white male body, which was very odd, but while wildly inaccurate (the song accused me of racism against whites for one, despite the fact I am white, and despite the songs assertions I have dated a white girl before) had more accuracy than they intended I think.

Of course that is my friends for you, anything that makes them at all uncomfortable becomes a joke or a song, and after a while becomes safe and comfortable (the racial component was likely due to my wife and two ex girlfriends being black, which was only coincidence but, I think on some level made them uncomfortable since they had never been with anyone who wasn't white at the time, and it seems like this song was part of their process for seeing interracial dating as normal). What is interesting, is that being a trans lesbian was already such an established idea due to the song I didn't have to explain all that much to them when I came out.

Ironically, they no longer sing the song because the consensus among them is that it is now inappropriate or insensitive (lol like it wasn't before), but they still do quite a few strange songs.