I am sorry to hear you are suffering.
I called a hotline once and it was very helpful. The man who answered was kind and listened to what I needed to say. My girlfriend told me she was thinking about suicide a lot. Anyway he was knowledgeable and told me some things to help her and made me feel a lot better. I will call again if I ever need to.
They are there to listen to you, so I say take advantage of that.
Also, if you are really afraid that you will hurt yourself you can also go to the emergency room. It is stressful to go that route, but you gotta take care of yourself.