Susan's Place Logo

News:

Please be sure to review The Site terms of service, and rules to live by

Main Menu

No desire to crossdress

Started by xponentialshift, March 17, 2014, 03:58:09 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

xponentialshift

This may seem confusing, but as an MTF I have no desire to crossdress.

What I mean is, I definitely want to dress as a female. It would be a dream come true. But I do not want to dress as a female while I am physically male. I doubt I will want to wear female clothes until at least the 3 month if not 6 month mark of HRT. Though I haven't started HRT yet so I may decide otherwise after the first week of E.

Is this a normal feeling or could there be some other underlying psychological factor that is muting my desire to cross dress?
  •  

JamesG

I think some people express their GID by cross-dressing, and some I guess are just impatient to start being feminine. Some have no other outlet for it

But I am with ya. I don't dress either. I am on the slow boat to femdom, so am plugging away at letting the hormones do their thing while I grow my hair out, lose weight, tone up in the right places etc.  But I'm not there yet.  In fact putting on women's cloths or even just looking at my body in the mirror gives me a big case of dissonance between what I see and my mental self-image. I find it very depressing, so I don't bother and just keep my head down working away at it.
  •  

Jill F

I don't consider it crossdressing when all you are doing is wearing clothing that society deems appropriate for your gender.  I never wore women's clothing until I could fully admit to myself that I was gender dysphoric at age 43, and sometimes early on when I felt the need to wear a cute outfit to help relieve my dysphoria I just ended up feeling like a shaven ape in a dress and all it did was trigger more dysphoric feelings.   Why bother if it just makes you feel bad/worse?  I never left my house in girl mode until a month on estrogen, and I still wore guy clothes all day long on some days.

Some people have to wait until they approach male fail before they feel comfortable wearing women's clothes because they can make you self conscious about not comfortably meeting society's expectations of a woman. 
  •  

Izla

I feel similarly to you - it's not so much as there's no desire but that clothes have little significance to me - it's definitely 100% more face/body/feeling for me than clothes. I mostly wear what could be considered neutral anyway. It's like, what the heck is the point in putting on a pretty dress when I'm still not on HRT? It'll just make me feel like s%%t.

Does it also make you feel like a fake when you hear a lot of transwomen who start their journey through "crossdressing"? That's what's getting to me at the moment, just feels like I'm not serious because I'm reluctant to jump into a dress right now.

I know what you're going through, maybe it will be one of the emotional changes when hormones kick in is what I'm thinking. Unfortunately in the UK you seem to be expected to wear frilly dresses in complete boymode in front of as many people as possible before they'll even consider talking about HRT  :-\

  •  

xponentialshift

Quote from: Izla on March 17, 2014, 04:35:27 PM
I feel similarly to you - it's not so much as there's no desire but that clothes have little significance to me - it's definitely 100% more face/body/feeling for me than clothes. I mostly wear what could be considered neutral anyway. It's like, what the heck is the point in putting on a pretty dress when I'm still not on HRT? It'll just make me feel like s%%t.

Does it also make you feel like a fake when you hear a lot of transwomen who start their journey through "crossdressing"? That's what's getting to me at the moment, just feels like I'm not serious because I'm reluctant to jump into a dress right now.

I know what you're going through, maybe it will be one of the emotional changes when hormones kick in is what I'm thinking. Unfortunately in the UK you seem to be expected to wear frilly dresses in complete boymode in front of as many people as possible before they'll even consider talking about HRT  :-\

Yup. I pretty much feel the same way you do. I remember once when I was little I tried on some of my mom's clothes... But they didn't make me the same as a girl, just more dysphoric so I never did it again. I definitely want to feel like I am physically female before I present as female.
I also dress neutral. Jeans or shorts and tshirts all my life. Whenever I had to dress formally male (for events and things) I would literally feel nauseous... I thought I was allergic to formal clothes all my life, but I'm thinking it was just the dysphoria manifesting.

It seems like this is a normal thing for at least part of the transgender community. Thanks everyone for your replies!
  •  

Jill F

Quote from: xponentialshift on March 17, 2014, 04:50:31 PM
Yup. I pretty much feel the same way you do. I remember once when I was little I tried on some of my mom's clothes... But they didn't make me the same as a girl, just more dysphoric so I never did it again. I definitely want to feel like I am physically female before I present as female.
I also dress neutral. Jeans or shorts and tshirts all my life. Whenever I had to dress formally male (for events and things) I would literally feel nauseous... I thought I was allergic to formal clothes all my life, but I'm thinking it was just the dysphoria manifesting.
It seems like this is a normal thing for at least part of the transgender community. Thanks everyone for your replies!

Holy crap, you too?   I hated suits and especially resented having to wear a tuxedo.  I always wished I could just wear a pretty dress, but I knew I couldn't and that made me more depresssed.  I was the anti-Men's Wearhouse person- I'm going to HATE the way I look... guaranteed!  My wife always told me how great I looked in nice clothes, and I tried really hard to like them after I had lost all the weight.  Objectively I looked pretty good, but inside I just wanted to cry.   Then I tried androgynous clothes and I began to piece together what my REAL problem was.   
  •  

Seras

Yep.

I only bother to dress when I can go to the effort or will be in such a situation where I will be perceived female. Being trans is not wanting to be seen as a guy in womens clothes. Which is what happens if you don't do it right.

If I go all out with makeup, do my hair nice and everything I can pass visually. If it is dark and I go for a walk about town I can pass visually. So I do these things when I want to. Being on estrogen did not change this for me.
  •  

Lauren5

Yep, I wouldn't find it all that uncommon. I started dressing as female about 3 months ago and still no hormones. I got really impatient. Even though it hadn't been long after I started, I had to fly home (and to get by TSA, dress male so my ID would match) and when I got home, I was forbidden to wear female clothes by my mother, fortunately I planned ahead for that (although thinking it would be dad, not mom) and brought half male clothes, half female clothes. It was exceptionally horrible being dragged to church by my family, already feeling uncomfortable in a Catholic church, a religion I had rejected almost 7 years prior, but also in the clothing my mother had me wear, white long sleeve dress shirt that was too wide, tucked into pants that were too wide around the waist, with a belt that the buckle felt uncomfortable, shoes that were a size too big and far too wide on me, and a tie that practically choked me to death. My plea to allow my mother to wear the dress I had brought home so we would both be mutually uncomfortable (her with me dressing female, me with me being in church) was shot down on the grounds that her comfort came first and since I'm still Catholic (I never left the church and never can in her eyes because I was baptised at a very young age, something I think a child should decide for themselves if they want done, but in my family it's tradition to do within 3 months after the baby is born) I'm not uncomfortable in a church.

Interestingly, I'm still somewhat uncomfortable, even wearing female clothes, but it's more of a fear that someone will notice me and say something mean about it or assault me or whatever.
Turns out just about everyone I talk to keys into it, which I see as good and bad. Bad, because I just want to be a normal girl, not a guy in a dress, which I'm afraid that's what some people probably think, good because if they had an issue about it they'd tell me that there was something wrong about it or whatever.
Turns out that older people (I tend to underestimate age, so I'll say over 60) tend to automatically recognise me as female, and I end up having nice conversations with them. I'm not sure if it's fading eyesight or just the fact that that generation tends to have a strict binary view of gender and if someone dresses female, they must be female, and don't recognise the modern "standards of beauty." I also happen to be better speaking to people who I've just met, especially older people.
Hey, you've reached Lauren's signature! If you have any questions, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
*beep*

Full time: 12/12/13
Started hormones: 26/3/14
FFS: No clue, winter/spring 2014/15 maybe?
SRS: winter/spring 2014/15?
  •  

suzifrommd

Quote from: xponentialshift on March 17, 2014, 03:58:09 PM
This may seem confusing, but as an MTF I have no desire to crossdress.

What I mean is, I definitely want to dress as a female. It would be a dream come true. But I do not want to dress as a female while I am physically male. I doubt I will want to wear female clothes until at least the 3 month if not 6 month mark of HRT. Though I haven't started HRT yet so I may decide otherwise after the first week of E.

Is this a normal feeling or could there be some other underlying psychological factor that is muting my desire to cross dress?

Me exactly.

I never wanted to crossdress. I only put on female clothes when I WAS my female self, never just to be wearing them.

If it helps, despite no urges to crossdress as a male, I now love adorning my female body with jewelry and flattering clothes and am thrilled to be living full-time as myself for most of a year.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
  •  

Dani

For what it's worth,

Christine Jorgensen was once quoted as saying that prior to her transition, she never cross dressed.

For me, being female is about internal feelings. It just feels so right!

I do have an interest in feminine attire, but not on a man's body.

I am not saying that I never cross dressed, but if the clothes fit and the accessories match, go for it!  :angel:
  •  

LittleEmily24

Perhaps I am vain, but dressing for me was a huge deal. Wearing male clothes had the emotional equivalence of wearing thorns and barbed wire. Dressing female and wearing makeup and doing all those feminine vanity related things helps me to express myself more freely, because i just could not put down my wall when i was dressed male. The more female I am able to look, the more female I feel I am able to behave.

Thought lately its been a non-issue, i cant avoid behaving female to save my life lol.

Though, i never saw it as cross-dressing. I always saw it as: "I'm a girl, and i'm wearing girl clothes, therefor its not cross dressing because I believe with all my soul that I'm a female.. I just look different for now." So for me it was never "cross-dressing" because i never felt like a male wearing female clothes. In fact... whenever i wear male clothes, i feel more self conscious lol.

Quote from: Jill F on March 17, 2014, 04:32:40 PM
I don't consider it crossdressing when all you are doing is wearing clothing that society deems appropriate for your gender.

Darn, beat me to it hehe
  •  

Jessica Merriman

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on March 19, 2014, 04:02:10 PM
Though, i never saw it as cross-dressing. I always saw it as: "I'm a girl, and i'm wearing girl clothes, therefor its not cross dressing because I believe with all my soul that I'm a female.. I just look different for now." So for me it was never "cross-dressing" because i never felt like a male wearing female clothes. In fact... whenever i wear male clothes, i feel more self conscious lol.
This is how I feel exactly! Especially about being female heart and soul! :)
  •  

odysseus513

Totally agree. No urge to crossdress at all. My therapist keeps telling me I'll get to the point on hrt that it just happens. We'll see, only 1 month into hormones.
  •  

sam79

This is what happened to me also. Once I started HRT, all my female clothes stayed unworn for a while. I spoke about this at length with my therapist. The reason was complex... I wanted to be authentic, and didn't like the idea of dressing female while still appearing male. And, I needed to present the way I appeared for work, and to avoid difficulties in public. While I hated it, it was easier than the ridicule from doing the other.

But yes, HRT should get you there :).
  •  

MadelineB

I cross dressed for over 40 years, starting as soon as I was out of diapers. Soon after I came out, I finally stopped cross dressing for good, about three months before I went on HRT. I can't say that in between I wanted to cross dress, but I did it because it made me safer from rejection and bullying.
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
~Maya Angelou

Personal Blog: Madeline's B-Hive
  •  

Cindy

I never cross dress now, I threw all my male clothes out.
  •  

TerriT

I sometimes enjoyed it, but it was never enough. I purged many times as I usually felt silly and embarrassed. Once I decided that cross dressing wasn't working and that I was making myself miserable I broke down and started to pursue hrt and therapy. I purged almost everything, but started to build an actual decent wardrobe that any other girl might have. I also got rid of any padding and stuff once I went out in public. After I met other trans girls all that stuff felt fake. I killed the wig too.

Now, after months of hrt I feel much better about being female. It's all still a work ii progress, but it keeps getting better. The more I go out, the more people I meet, the more support I get and the more people I come out to gives me confidence to take another step.

I finally reached a point where I don't feel different in guy mode anymore, I just feel boring, like I'm not living up to my potential. It's really a different feeling and something I didn't expect.

I digress, cross dressing really helped me learn about fashion, makeup and things that I don't have to worry about now. It also gave me a really good frame of reference for where I am now. But I totally understand how it feels before and after and how your emotions change about it.
  •  

barbie

I just enjoy fashion. There is nothing exciting in men's dresses and shoes.

barbie~~
Just do it.
  • skype:barbie?call
  •  

xponentialshift

Thanks for all of the replies! Now I know that my feelings weren't too uncommon...

I have always dressed fairly androgynous. T-shirts and shorts or jeans (almost exclusively jeans after puberty and the awful leg hair that came with it)... Basic hoodie when it gets cold. I guess that is why I never had a bad reaction to dressing male.

Although... In the past week (a month after seriously deciding I want to transition) I have stated to have some urge to cross dress for the first time since my one brief attempt back in highschool. But I worry that if I try it now I well get the same empty-pit-in-the-stomach feeling like something is missing or wrong that I did originally.

I am hoping that now that I am looking into transitioning it may feel different...

Anyway, I may try it out again after I get back to CA, and luckily I have my first therapy appointment 15 hours after I get home so I can talk about this there before I go out and buy anything.

Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on my possible newfound interest?


Oh and FWIW I consider "crossdressing" as dressing to a socially defined gender pattern that is not of the gender I am actively (in public) presenting as... So if I present as female in female clothes I would not consider that cross dressing in my opinion, but I figure that won't happen till a while after I start hrt.

  •  

Veronica M

Quote from: Cindy on March 24, 2014, 02:04:53 AM
I never cross dress now, I threw all my male clothes out.

Ha Ha.... That's to funny.

Great thread, as I have wondered about this topic. For me, I experimented with my moms cloths for a bit in my adolescents but never really cross dressed when I was older. My therapist was somewhat shocked when she ask how I felt when I cross dressed and my response was I never did much. She was a little surprised. After that I related it to the "Ape in the dress" syndrome and she relaxed a little... LOL... I did and do have to admit though I have always enjoyed the feel of panties. Especially silky sexy ones. I think the fear of getting caught was the factor in not cross dressing primarily. There have been some escapades in the bedroom a time or two though.

  •