I'm on the verge of really moving forward towards transition.  ( I have a lot of prep to do...)

I'm at a point where I need to tell my wife the whole story.  She's always been supportive if my gender exploration, as long as it stayed private and on the bedroom.  She knows I've been seeing a therapist, and have felt a shift to feeling wrong in my body but I've been rather reticent to go into details as she's always drawn a line at hormones as something she couldn't accept.

I've really come to grips with the fact that I need to at least try hrt and see how it feels.  But I have to tell her, and stop being withdrawn. And be honest.

Im trying to tell her and just can't.  I feel stupid, like my body shouldn't matter and this is vanity.

And I feel ashamed, as my lingering male ego sees this as becoming leas

I don't even know if in asking a question I just needed to cent

Quote from: RobinTheAmazon on March 18, 2014, 01:18:19 PM
But I have to tell her, and stop being withdrawn. And be honest.
I feel stupid, like my body shouldn't matter and this is vanity.

Number one there is no guilt or shame in being who you are, that is what you have been told and expected to assimilate talking there. Two, you are not stupid or vain at all. It is Dysphoria and it ate away at me for 40 long tears. I would not even be here responding to this had I not started transition as I would more than like likely be dead now. It never geos away or retreats to the back of your mind as the only thing it does is get bigger and much worse. I was on 12 daily meds before transition with everything from High blood Pressure to blood sugar issue's. I am only on HRT right now and have been off all the others for almost a year now. My body is relaxed now living as the true me and I feel great! You are most definitely going to have to be honest with your SO though. It may not go well, but you have to do it for your sake as you sound like you need HRT to feel better. Good luck sweetie!

Telling my wife was difficult. A lot of people have false ideas of Trans* and are basically ignorant of the subject. Then there are those who live it. When the two meet the conversation can be intense. Time helps as well as her receiving therapy too.

HRT is a gift to yourself. I thought low dose and a 3 months try. I went for full dose (now highest recommended) and I am happy and able to function like never before and there is no turning back.

Holding back is not fair to her either. Are you happy and functioning as a loving engaged person? You have been dealt a tough hand. Hugs.

Telling her starts with I love you and I always will love you. I have something to share with you.

Have tissues and water for her and you.

You're not stupid and there is no reason to feel ashamed.  This is a tough situation.  Actually, the fact that you love your wife so much that you want to open up to her about something so private makes you sound like a very devoted spouse.  That's not something to be ashamed of.  While I realize this is tough and can't say how this will go, I did want to say that your respect for your wife is admirable.  And hopefully that says something about how she too feels about you and your relationship.  I hope it all works out in the end.  Good luck!

I'm just gonna say pretty bad so far.

It really didn't go well.  Basically taking hormones or ever really being public is tantamount to ending my marriage

Opps... 

If you read though this site you'll find that this is a common problem/conflict that married people entering transition have. Some (most?) times your old life and loved ones can't/won't go with you. I know that doesn't directly help you, but maybe you can find some ideas on how to deal with her (convince, compromise, or seeyabye).

And misery always loves company...

So Sorry.

Your wife is in shock. Give her time and understanding.

Consider getting her to an unbiased authority that can help her understand trans*.

Sorry she's being unaccepting, RobinTheAmazon.

Unless she can accept you, your marriage is going to end one way or the other. If you deny your own identity, it's going to keep eating at you until it kills you or until it's so bad you'll wish you were dead. You might as well end it on your terms, so at least one of you gets something positive out of it - get on the hormones.

It's gotten a bit better.