Me and my wife seeing a counselor which dealt with transsexual, however she is so so against my transition and I cant blame her.
I wish I will have to force to stop the transition as the life without her and kids is not worth living.

I wish I found a painless path to return the keys to god
asher

No no no no. I'm not glad to hear that you feel that way. How can you wish to be depressed and suffer from dysphoria?
But then again, this is a hard case since your wife is so against it. Have you asked your kids what they think about it?
Where do you live and is there any support groups in your area that you can turn to?
I'm sorry for not coming up with anything else. I hope this is to some help for you though.

You have to choose what is right for you.  If your wife is absolutely NOT going to accept your transition then you are reduced to two (bad) choices:

1) Don't transition
2) End your marriage

I try to look for middle ground.  One key is to see what your wife is willing to accept.  Cross dressing in private?  Dressing with feminine underwear?  Anything?  If some compromise can be found this gives you an avenue to go forward.

You and your wife need to see a therapist together to see if you two can make your marriage work.  You also need to see a therpist (maybe the same one, maybe not) to help you work though what you have to do for you.

This may come down to a very hard choice.  More often than not when one person in a marriage transitions it ends the marriage.  There are a happy few that avoid that - but they are few and they do compromise.

Sorry I can't offer any better help.  The best help at this point is a good therapist.


Erin

Well asheriko, it's already out there. Do you think your marriage will ever be the same again? Is this something that she may hold over your head whenever and argument arises?

Erin is right in that you have two choices, end your marriage and be miserable until the hurt goes away or maybe for the rest of your life or don't transition and be miserable maybe for the rest of your life. You just really have to pick the lesser of two evils it sounds like. Sorry I can't be of much more help than that. But I will say that sometimes we have to do what is right for us and forget others in the process. It does sound selfish, I know but forcing someone to be something that they are not is just as selfish. Its kind of a Catch 22.

Asheriko, Hugs

I am sorry this is happening to you. I have similar issues but not as extreme, at the moment.

I have thought to myself, if the moment comes when I must make another choice about my identity what will I choose?

Will I deny my gender, deny my truth and will I DE transition? or Will I separate and divorce, lose my wife and daughter and start life anew alone and heartbroken?

If I chose the former will my wife love me like the words were not said and will I resent her? If I choose the latter will I regret my decision and become depressed?

With my wife and I, we have started to distance from each other. Sad, perhaps as time goes on we will be separated yet living together, together due to habit and convenience not love. Is that fair for either of us, living and echo of the past?

My daughter will be going to college soon and start building her life, one that will distance and eventually separate, which is normal.

In more than 50% of marriages the couples split. Some marry several times. Perhaps my resistance is because I do not like change or getting to redo everything is scary. I went from living with my Mother to living with my wife and never on my own, let along a middle aged Tgirl.

Unfortunately there is no painless path. Yet all the paths have pain and joy. Oddly enough in a marriage what we do to shield others is not good in the long run for either. I know the truth is what I am wrestling with because I know what will happen. I too am stuck in the middle.