Hello!

I've been browsing this forum for a while and just wanted to say hello and thank you - your posts have been very enlightening. A bit about me (Jay): I'm 49, was quite the tomboy as a child, ran around shirtless until I was about 11, and god how I miss that... but I digress. I always wished I was a boy. I hated the girly stuff my mom and grandma dressed me in, especially anything pink or frilly. *gag* I was all jeans and t-shirts in high school, and onward, though now I prefer tank tops over tees. My best friends were always guys. I am sooo not into sports or cars, though. I was told I was a girl, so I did my best to act like one, sort of. I dated guys, went to prom, got married. Got divorced. Worked as an exotic dancer for many years. Got married and divorced again. Toward the end of my dancing career, I discovered that I also liked women. Had a girlfriend for a while, casual sex with a few others. Fast forward to my 40's, I'm still pretty equally attracted to both sexes, but haven't dated for several years. Not really interested. I also did some webcam modelling (yes, in my 40's), still remembering how to do the sexy, and made some money at it, but it's also mentally exhausting to play that part now.

I've found myself questioning my gender again, since I haven't been in a gender role for so long, I've had the time and opportunity to do so. I work in an office, and I mostly wear mannish clothing, and got a pair of more masculine dress shoes a couple years ago that I love. My boss rather frowns upon jeans, even though I work in IT, or I'd wear them every day.

I'm considering going to a gender identity therapist, which I think my insurance will cover. I'm a 36 B/C and would love to get those things off my chest. I have never liked them, and always wished I had a  nice strong male chest, pecs and all. I'm not sure how I feel about getting on T. My hair is long now, but I'm looking at hair cuts to go short again. New more masculine glasses. REAL men's clothing. My co-workers will comment on the changes, which makes me uncomfortable. I am not out to anyone. I'm pretty sure everyone just thinks I'm weird or eccentric. I've chosen this masculine name for myself, which I already answer to since it was a nickname I had in my dancer days.

I have unintentionally passed as male several times in my adult life, usually wearing masculine clothing while my hair was short, even though I have obvious boobage and carry a purse. Being called "sir" made me smile

So, anyway, I'll be hanging out here some and I want you all to know that I fully support y'all, and I am soooooo jealous of you young ones that are getting to explore this so early on in life.

-Jay

A big warm welcome to the family Jay! Yes these kids have no idea how fortunate they are. I started transition myself at 47 after a 28 year career as a Firefighter/Paramedic. Funny thing is even being a medic all those years I knew very little about transition and thought I was way too old to do it now. As you can see it worked very well for me. All of the information you get here is provided my REAL people at all stages of transition from questioning to Post Op and everything in between. It is invaluable, accurate and dependable. You will learn what works or doesn't along with tips and suggestions in between. Feel free to rant, vent, share good news (we like that a lot), learn or just have some distracting fun and meet the rest of the family. Here is a BIG HUG  to welcome you and make you feel right at home with us!

Welcome Jay! I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to live for that long as a woman. My parents want me to be a girl as well but I just refuse it! I guess just like Jessica said, us youngsters are very fortunate now. We can start transition earlier, and you guys just had to wait until you were older  Oh well, age doesn't really matter, does it? As long as we are all free to be ourselves now!  A big hug, my friend, and welcome to the family!

Hello Jay!

Sounds like you've had quite an eventful life so far I think if you're ready for the gender therapist then go for it. No time like the present. All of us here are supporting you Really and truly you don't even need to go on T anyway, so if it's not your thing then that's okay! Everyone on here [including me] has got to the point where they just want to be themselves...their true-selves. Once you figure out/come to terms with who you really are you can make steps towards it, and it feels good doesn't it?! Don't worry about age You've finally come to terms with 'you', there is no right and wrong anyway. Some people can't transition early due to financial/social/educational reasons.

All the best and don't be a stranger! 

Welcome to the boards!

Even if your insurance won't accept a gender-identity therapist, you can find one that's fluent in trans issues and have them code it to where it's simply therapy. It's definitely something to discuss with your therapist.
Also, I agree that there's absolutely no need to go on T until you decide that's exactly what you want to do. There are plenty of gender fluid/neutral people here that go toward their preferred gender but don't do hormones.

You can remove the boobs and not be on T. That's my situation at the moment. Feels great.

Thanks, everyone!

Forgot to mention in my first post I'm going through menopause right now, taking Remifemin to keep the hot flashes at bay. Highly recommend it if anyone else is in that situation. My current thinking is to get in therapy, get the top surgery done, then start T afterward. I've never liked facial hair or chest hair on men, so those are not desirable to me, but I would like more muscle and more masculine features. My Dad and brother have maybe 20 chest hairs between them, and very sparse facial hair, so I don't expect much of that, anyway.

As far as work goes, I think I'd like to gradually appear more masculine in dress/hair/glasses over time, so when I do come out it won't be all that surprising to anyone.

Hi Jay,

I'm  new hear too. Knowing that there are other people dealing with this later in life has been such a relief. I am 43. I am just the opposite. Right now I don't want top surgery but I do want to start on T.

I've found this to be a great place so far.

Hi Jay (and tomboy)

I'm a little late to this thread, but I just wanted to add to the welcomes you've already received. I'm also in my 40s and I only started transitioning two years ago, despite knowing I had gender issues since I was 5 years old.

I'm also a wee bit jealous of the younger ones who get to transition earlier, but in all honesty the right time to transition is whenever you're ready to do so. If we weren't ready or able to transition when we were younger, that's OK. All that matters is that we do whatever we need to do to take care of ourselves, as soon as we're able to do so.

Oh, and by the way... being on T pretty much takes care of the menopause too.

Hi FTMDiaries, being 23 I haven't thought much about menopause myself, but that is another plus for being on T.  My mother is going through menopause now and she is always commenting about something that is happening to her with it, hot flashes, very irregular periods, etc.

I see you had top surgery in February, how was the recovery, are you enjoying the flat chest now?

Quote from: mm on March 21, 2014, 10:46:26 AM
My mother is going through menopause now and she is always commenting about something that is happening to her with it, hot flashes, very irregular periods, etc.

I see you had top surgery in February, how was the recovery, are you enjoying the flat chest now?

Heh, hot flushes and very irregular periods are pretty much what starting T was like for me. I called it my 'manopause'.

My surgery went very well, thank you. I'm back at work now - just 3 weeks post-op - and it's strange but wonderful to finally start feeling a bit more 'normal' after all these years.

Good to hear from you.  When we start t the manopause time is usually short and we know that we will be feeling great in a short time.

Manopause... love it

I'm a late bloomer. you just need to do what you have to do. I didn't know of the path to freedom. I had to learn the hard way, but there's no use crying over spilled milk.