does anyone else ever get this feeling? I didn't get it pre transition. People in general kind of ignored me or were not nice/mean, really, so the few people I did connect with were more sincere.

But lately I feel like the dynamic has changed and gotten a bit twisted. I feel like people really don't care about me, my feelings or what I think anymore than they used to but toons pretend to now. And for obvs reasons usually. Its usually men, if I'm being honest.

Basically I feel like they let me say what I want and express my feelings cuz they wana get something out of me. Like all of a sudden soo many different people are paying attention to me and I'm making all these connections (again, mostly with guys) and its all meaningless.

Its really very frustrating cuz it keeps ending the same way. In some ways some things are easier but in others they're harder. I just feel very oversexualized. I'm starting to get physicslly ill when guys are so much as nice to me because of all the things they've had me or tried to have me do for them, its like I have xray and can see through to exactly what they're relythinking

And what's sick is I feel like I need it. Its a very screwed up dynamic because I know how pathetic I am for giving sexual intimacy for pretend kindness, interest, whatever and I know they'll all just get bored and leave but I keep doing it cuz I'm lonely. Its like I'm locked in this world where I really can't get close to people, all I can do is get these twisted mutual benefits where I give a guy something he wants so I can get something from him I shouldn't need but do

And the worst thing is, I feel like an idiot. I feel like nobody cares about me and the only reason they don't tell me to stfu is because they think I'm pretty not cuz they actually care, so I feel like people just put up with me and I'm always making an ass of myself and not even realizing.

I dunno..I guess that was a rant. Sorry. Whatever its stupid.

I hate to put it this way really, but welcome to womanhood. I was in a male dominated workplace my whole career and even though I did work with some really outstanding men most treated woman like they are treating you. It used to make me physically ill to be around the locker room when they talked about their latest conquest's. It is kind of strange to be on this receiving end, isn't it? I know the guys in particular I am addressing would definitely be talking about you because you are so gorgeous. It was so apparent this behavior was deemed acceptable that the first day of Police Academy they started with a caution to my class. Our primary Instructor told us that the badge would get a lot of girls, but it only took one (meaning underage) to get the badge. Terrible isn't it? Just rest assured you are by no means the only girl to feel the way you are now. Just realize you are special and should be treated that way so be a little choosier in the future. Other than that there is not much more for me to add. I hope you feel better about not being alone with this.

Some cis guys can be nice and considerate, but there are a lot of them who are only pretending to listen to women because they think it'll get them some "action" later. It's an actual technique.

I guess so. Tbh I didn't get much experience in life as a boy. I never left the house from 13-17, then at 17 I got a job and started hormones and basically went "fulltime" and lived as female for almost the entire time since. But, I think I learned something important in that time and that's yeahh, most people were mean or ignored (partly cuz i was visibly 'gay') me but it let me trust the people who were nice to me and appreciate that interaction as genuine.

Now and ever since then? I don't trust anyone. Justa buncha wolves in sheeps clothing. I guess it's brought up a lot of feelings of vulnerability I had when I was a kid and sorta made me feel like I'm only here for one thing, but yeah. What's most frustrating is not knowing who's real, which is probably why I just give into it now. I can't tell who the bad guys are so I keep spending time with them hoping a good one will pop up, but that hasntreally happened yet.

Whatever, sorry for the rant

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on March 27, 2014, 03:45:29 AM

Whatever, sorry for the rant

That is what we are here for Sis!

What you described also describes my experiences with friends when I was perceived as an attractive female. It's not stupid and it's very reasonable to be upset by this. I wish this would change, but I'm at a loss of what to do to change it.

Sweetie, if at all possible I recommend getting involved in things that interest you and organizations that resonate with you so that you can make friends, and a few close friendships with, women your own age that you can see regularly and talk or text with in between. Therapy is helpful, meditation is insightful, and a healthy romantic relationship can do wonders for your confidence, but nothing substitutes for a best friend or two.
It is how women, especially, stay balanced and sane in this world. I love my girlfriends to death, and they me. With my BFFs I never have to worry that they are only being nice because they want something. I also have close friendships with two men who are gay. Taking the possibility of romance off the table allows other strong bonds to form.

Yep, this is one of the major drawbacks of being female (especially a young, pretty female). You never really know where you stand. Who you are matters a lot less than the outer package. Even for really hot guys, this isn't as true. They're still primarily judged on behavior. There are some pros, I guess. Being a woman, you are valuable just because you exist. Men are only valuable based on behavior. Your body is valuable in itself whereas men's is not (except in the comparatively rare case of male prostitutes).

Anyway, it's an unfulfilling game for women. Because your actions don't make you valuable, your body does. (Or even if your actions are deemed valuable, they play a distant second fiddle)
Of course this is way more pronounced for young, pretty girls.

Quote from: FA on March 27, 2014, 09:47:02 AM
Yep, this is one of the major drawbacks of being female (especially a young, pretty female). You never really know where you stand. Who you are matters a lot less than the outer package. Even for really hot guys, this isn't as true. They're still primarily judged on behavior. There are some pros, I guess. Being a woman, you are valuable just because you exist. Men are only valuable based on behavior. Your body is valuable in itself whereas men's is not (except in the comparatively rare case of male prostitutes).

Anyway, it's an unfulfilling game for women. Because your actions don't make you valuable, your body does. (Or even if your actions are deemed valuable, they play a distant second fiddle)
Of course this is way more pronounced for young, pretty girls.

Yeah pretty much like that. basically, i feel like i can do no wrong which is obvs not true. so it's like i don't even know when i'm making an ass of myself cuz no one will tell me as long as i sit there and look pretty

the hard part is I really can't figure out who to trust/who's worth my time so i just end up wasting it on meaningless interactions that leave me emotionally drained and the guy sexually satisfied.

and everybody like gets on me now cuz im always like "ohh im gona get a sugar daddy" but why not? at least i get more than someone to vent to who pretends to care out of the deal and at least we both know going in exactly what the situation is

i probably spend too much time on guys but really theyre all i have atm. i'm not good at friendships really, maybe cuz i've learned to become dependant on people kissing up cuz they want something and couldn't handle people telling me how they reaally feel. so i guess i should stop complaining cuz its my fault too

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on March 27, 2014, 07:39:15 PM
the hard part is I really can't figure out who to trust/who's worth my time so i just end up wasting it on meaningless interactions that leave me emotionally drained and the guy sexually satisfied.

and everybody like gets on me now cuz im always like "ohh im gona get a sugar daddy" but why not? at least i get more than someone to vent to who pretends to care out of the deal and at least we both know going in exactly what the situation is

I'd give you a hard time for doing the "I'm gonna get a sugar daddy' thing too. Had one.. Sent him on his way. Why? Because all that happened was I ended up feeling emotionally drained and he was sexually satisfied.. Sound familiar? I'd much rather be with someone I care about and am attracted to - and she should feel the same way.

Quote from: kelly_aus on March 27, 2014, 08:36:49 PM
I'd give you a hard time for doing the "I'm gonna get a sugar daddy' thing too. Had one.. Sent him on his way. Why? Because all that happened was I ended up feeling emotionally drained and he was sexually satisfied.. Sound familiar? I'd much rather be with someone I care about and am attracted to - and she should feel the same way.

So basically it's the same thing as now except I get something out of it? That doesn't remove the incentive much

Let me put it another way.. Having a sugar daddy is a form of prostitution.

Yes I'm getting this as well!! It doesn't help that I am gullible as well....

At work, men are not necessarily wanting more from me (well most at least) but I think they say things just to shut me up. I came up with a saying of how I feel at work sometimes....."ya just tell her what she wants to hear, to shut the bi*** up"

So sometimes its not just for dating, or sexual reasons....

Sometimes I feel so stupid thinking that someone likes me for me....after finding out its not me that they want but what they assume I may have between my legs.  I do wonder at times that if I did have what they want, would I give in or still hold true to my values.

Quote from: kelly_aus on March 27, 2014, 09:28:13 PM
Let me put it another way.. Having a sugar daddy is a form of prostitution.

Not really and I don't think that's 100% fair to say. It's not sex work, if done correctly. If anything it's more like fwbs with higher stakes. Besides, idont shame sex workers either, their body, their choice, and it's ridiculous we (or at least I) live in a country that says otherwise...we're told women are onlygood for their bodies but it's badd and shameful if they benefit from that reality.

Regardless, sugar dating ain't illegal, and the only real difference to how I live now is that maybe the guy has more snow on the chimney and money in the bank.

Quote from: Just Shelly on March 27, 2014, 09:29:50 PM
Yes I'm getting this as well!! It doesn't help that I am gullible as well....

At work, men are not necessarily wanting more from me (well most at least) but I think they say things just to shut me up. I came up with a saying of how I feel at work sometimes....."ya just tell her what she wants to hear, to shut the bi*** up"

So sometimes its not just for dating, or sexual reasons....

Sometimes I feel so stupid thinking that someone likes me for me....after finding out its not me that they want but what they assume I may have between my legs.  I do wonder at times that if I did have what they want, would I give in or still hold true to my values.

Ughh yes, that feeling of feeling like a complete dip for thinking someone actually liked you as a person, not just a pretty face? Yeah. Guyz are stupid.

I am the exact same way with friendships... ;w; it's so hard to be an equal to somebody. But then personally I gave up on my actions mattering anyway, I never felt like I could really do anything you know? I'm just starting not to care, but deep down.. man, I really want awesome friends to do stuff with but it gets boring for them bc i have no personality as an equal. My social life has been completely devoid of guys since forever tho >< I always slip into the same relationship of being used. Part of that is my fault maybe... I would just see them as this person to lean on as friends, like a big brother, again not letting myself be an equal.

Ugh, it sucks that you're sad again, I came here cuz I'm sad too and also i realized I have to be a girl cuz I can't live without a sugar daddy anyway. Sorry if this is incredibly unhelpful lol. Hugs to ya if you want em. (:

Quote from: sad panda on March 28, 2014, 09:22:51 PM
I am the exact same way with friendships... ;w; it's so hard to be an equal to somebody. But then personally I gave up on my actions mattering anyway, I never felt like I could really do anything you know? I'm just starting not to care, but deep down.. man, I really want awesome friends to do stuff with but it gets boring for them bc i have no personality as an equal. My social life has been completely devoid of guys since forever tho >< I always slip into the same relationship of being used. Part of that is my fault maybe... I would just see them as this person to lean on as friends, like a big brother, again not letting myself be an equal.

Ugh, it sucks that you're sad again, I came here cuz I'm sad too and also i realized I have to be a girl cuz I can't live without a sugar daddy anyway. Sorry if this is incredibly unhelpful lol. Hugs to ya if you want em. (:

Omg, I was juust thinking about you, so weird. I sent you a message on skype boo, so text me or whatever when you get it.

But yeah, it's frustrating. The hardest thing for me lately is trying to manouvre this so I don't feel trapped. But yeah it's a crappy space and a combination of things. Kinda like...you're a girl to people,so you're still a sex object. But you're not a 'real' girl so they don't have to give a crap about how you feel cuz you're an 'it'. But you're still pretty so they have to pretend to so they can get in your pants or whatever else.

I guess I feel like I have a bad personality, in a lot of ways. But now I have no idea who can really see past it cuz everyone pretends to care cuz they think I'm pretty. It's just a very disingenuous, phony, fake world I live in. I guess it's why I'm so obsessed with my looks, it's kinda all I have going. So it's good im pretty at least cuz realistically it's all I'm worth atm so I suppose I should just deal with that reality. This was more a rant than anything.

I feel like you're one of the only people who can reaally understand my perspective

Yeah in hindsight I guess I'm stupid for ranting, lol. I should see it as more being lucky...no job, no money, no hs diploma, no hope of getting one cuz I'm plainly not smart enough to pass the test. Severe depression, severe anxiety, seveere, severe rage issues, probably borderline personality (soon to be diagnosed really). Oh let's not forget transgender, and a bit mean, really.

And this isn't wah, wah wah feel sorry cuz I'm not even sad. It's just truuth. Honestly? I should be happy people *pretend* to care and thank my lucky and stfu and get a sugar daddy so at least I have someething to offer.

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on March 29, 2014, 03:19:27 AM
Omg, I was juust thinking about you, so weird. I sent you a message on skype boo, so text me or whatever when you get it.

But yeah, it's frustrating. The hardest thing for me lately is trying to manouvre this so I don't feel trapped. But yeah it's a crappy space and a combination of things. Kinda like...you're a girl to people,so you're still a sex object. But you're not a 'real' girl so they don't have to give a crap about how you feel cuz you're an 'it'. But you're still pretty so they have to pretend to so they can get in your pants or whatever else.

Yeah... I really hate this. You put up with all the ->-bleeped-<- of being a girl but it's not like you get to have any ownership of that experience cuz at the end of the day you still have to feel different and have other people think you're different. Or not know and treat you like you're no different but then make you feel like you're lying. And yeah with guys if they don't know, if they want anything to do with you chances are they are just after something you don't even have. I was always so surprised at how after transition, guys will just let me talk about my problems to them, I would think, oh you crazy, you don't want me to listen to yours too?? You don't need to vent? And then. i pretty quickly realized that yeah, they are just putting up with me in case they have a chance. When guys go, oh you're so fascinating, you're so interesting to me, they make you think they actually think of you different but it's like a freaking strategy because they know you know what they mean if they just say you're pretty. Turns out nobody actually gives other people that kind of positive attention for no reason.

obv I can never really give advice cuz I have all the same problems.... but yeah I DO getcha. I swear being trans is so unsatisfying in every way to me but it's not like I can stop.

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on March 29, 2014, 03:38:49 AM
Yeah in hindsight I guess I'm stupid for ranting, lol. I should see it as more being lucky...no job, no money, no hs diploma, no hope of getting one cuz I'm plainly not smart enough to pass the test. Severe depression, severe anxiety, seveere, severe rage issues, probably borderline personality (soon to be diagnosed really). Oh let's not forget transgender, and a bit mean, really.

And this isn't wah, wah wah feel sorry cuz I'm not even sad. It's just truuth. Honestly? I should be happy people *pretend* to care and thank my lucky and stfu and get a sugar daddy so at least I have someething to offer.

Well if you get diagnosed at least you're getting help... that's how it went for me but I feel a lot better having my therapist to acknowledge that yeah I have my problems and I'm still a human being. Also having my diagnosis can sort of help me separate me from my disorder. It might be less productive if i had a male therapist though, seriously avoid that because you'll find yourself getting crazy attached in this weird way and it will make it just another emotional drain.

it's totally reasonable to be suffering with everything that affects you. You know how I suffer with it too and that's because anyone would in our position. It is not fair. But that's life I guess :c