Hello all. This isn't really new, this is news from like 2 months ago that I'm only now bringing up. I was scared to talk about it at first because having everyone change their gender marker of you in their head is weird, and makes me uncomfortable, regardless of which way I'm going. I was looking to put this thread in the "Just For Us" forum so those disgusting radical feminists that stalk our site to look for dirt on us would have a harder time stumbling upon it, but whatever I can't find it.

Basicly I've planned to transition since I was 17; 3 years ago. I postponed plans for right after high school, and I procrastinated coming out to anyone but my former therapist for 3 years. And, now I'm not even going through with it. I'm staying a guy. I don't even think about it much anymore I'm concerned with other things in my life.

I started crushing on a gay guy, like, it turned into a really big crush for a month or so. I know that sounds like a stupid thing to get in the way of my transition, and it is. I figured if stupid things like that get in the way of serious decisions then I'm just better off not going through with it, and besides that I had been terrified of losing my sex drive and most of all my fertility. I don't want to depend on medication that will cripple my ability to have children when I can be healthy without it. Plus I was just stressed thinking all the time about how I was going to finance everything. (And you know, voice-training does sound like a bitch) Over all I just had a bunch of other general doubts too, I nitpicked over everything.

My body dysphoria's gone. When I was trying to project a female body image I stressed about my looks. I'm now indifferent. I never had genital dysphoria but I stressed about everything else. Sexually I liked to imagine myself in both male and female roles. I used to have a "deprived of estrogen" feeling that I don't get anymore, I guess that's just psychological.

It was weird to adjust to the thought at first, but I have. This isn't the only thing changing; my personality's been gradually doing a complete 180. I'm more motivated, I wanna go out all the time instead of staying at home, I'm exercising, I'm more comfortable breaking gender roles as a guy, I still have social anxiety but I'm becoming extroverted, I'm eager to do more things on my own, I'm planning to go back to school, etc.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. Dunno what else to say. I still have all this long hair that I plan to turn into dreadlocks (Mmm, maybe a dreadhawk, it would be less hot in the summer). I'm content and I think I'll be happy, it's a load off my mind (but plz don't refer to me with male pronouns yet that's just gonna creep me out). I'd still like to be part of the trans community, I still know lots of things about it. I hope no one hates me now. I would like people who are indecisive to think more carefully about if this is right for them, but yeah, gender dysphoria has so many forms, just like any other mental condition. It can be mild to wild. I feel like I can be happy living as a guy or a girl. Or whatever, maybe I was just dumb and thought I was trans.

Honey that is good,

The reason we go to good gender therapists is to find our path, and each path is different.

As a friend says to me, there are many paths to Rome, and many Romes.

You are not dumb in the least, be happy and enjoy the company and love of your boy friend.

You are still family here and always will be

No boyfriend Cindy. I am very much available. Ugh, well actually no, I definitely don't even want to date anyone right now.

Hi Trista,

As someone who has bounced up and down the gender identification line, I would say that you are being wise in your decision to put aside transition, at least for the time being.  You've realised that you either don't need to or aren't ready, and that can be a hard thing to do.

Personally, I've bounced in and out of the online trans community for the best part of two decades (hello IRC #transgen).  It's only now as MPB or a receding hairline has threatened have a sought medical intervention through low dose HRT, and for me, that seems to have been enough to keep me sane.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I've managed pretty well and been fairly happy to date without transition.

Wishing you every success and peace on your chosen path.

We all have our own paths and whatever path a person chooses to walk to make them happy is a good thing. I am really happy for you being happy in your own body. I think that's what we all hope for, transition, nontransition or somewhere in between.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on March 19, 2014, 07:19:37 AM
I started crushing on a gay guy, like, it turned into a really big crush for a month or so. I know that sounds like a stupid thing to get in the way of my transition, and it is.

It is not a stupid thing at all, in fact it is about the furthest thing from it. If you are attracted to gay guys you are probably not going to be a happy camper as a female. 

You do have to be true to yourself.  For many here that means transitioning (and staying transitioned).  But allowing yourself the space to realize that maybe that isn't a path that is for you is soooooo important.  The fact that you are getting out in the world, ENJOYING IT and not being distracted from living in the moment by constantly seeing the world through the prism of being trans is really important, for both transitioners and non-transitioners.  And loving your body instead of being ashamed of it is also really so healthful.  If you are able to do this (and it sounds like you can) what a wonderful alternative to having to manipulate your body and disguise it as others on this journey see no other choice but to do.  (Or as they would say, they "have no choice" but to do if they wish to survive.)

Congrats!

I think it's great that you have figured some things out.

QuoteThis isn't the only thing changing; my personality's been gradually doing a complete 180. I'm more motivated, I wanna go out all the time instead of staying at home, I'm exercising, I'm more comfortable breaking gender roles as a guy, I still have social anxiety but I'm becoming extroverted, I'm eager to do more things on my own, I'm planning to go back to school, etc.

I think it's even more important that you're become more comfortable inside your own skin.  I think that is what we are all after.

I also gave up transition by HRT about 6 years ago. The main reason was my family. I am now just wearing skirts and bras everyday.

barbie~~

Quote from: JulieC. on March 29, 2014, 01:48:09 PM
I think it's even more important that you're become more comfortable inside your own skin.  I think that is what we are all after.

This says it all! Good job Julie!

This is all about you and you are the only one who knows what's right for you. So, it's good you've figured out what you need right now. it seems like you've thought things out really well