Hello. I have been with my my lover for thirteen years. We got married in Boston last year big reception by all of our friends. Just 2weeks ago she says she misses the lesbian lifestyle. She says being touched by me feels to much like a man. She says she loves me and wants to support me through my transition which I have started late in life in an effort to provide good life for us, or so I thought. She is distant and stays on her phone testing someone. One minute she says she loves me and then turns around and says she cannot do this. I just recently made an appointment  for my first doctor visit in regards to starting my transition. She claims we have grown apart? I just do not get it. I try to be supportive in all she does. I cannot get answers because she gets so defensive. Just not sure what to do. Offered many solutions, but just not working. She is the love of my life and this has been a shocking experience for me. She has known about me being Ftm from the beginning.  I think she has a lesbian love interest but has not acted on it. She also said she wants to be with me through the transition but then what? I would do anything for her and have. Yes, I have faults, like being uncomfortable in my body, but it doesn't help to be rejected so I let her decide on intimacy. Right now I am thinking I just need to leave. I don't want to but I love her and want her to be happy. I would do anything for her and anything to keep us together but I must go through with this. I just do not understand why she has changed.

I feel for you right now and really don't know what to say, but you can talk to us about anything. Those of us with former SOs have to remember that in a way they are going through transition as well. I do not understand the support and then lack of it knowing you were FtM to begin with, that is puzzling. The only other thing I can think of is if there is another reason besides transition causing this behavior. I wish I could help some, but all I can do is support you and give you someone to talk to and vent to. I wish there was more I could do. 

Thank you. Right now I am just waiting to see what happens next. It is tough but her call. I am over the shock but still care for he very much.

Hi Tap13 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here

Please be sure to review

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs

V M

If it helps at all, at least I am someone who has read your post.

I try to remind myself that people pretty much never know what they really think about things. Our minds are much more complicated than the thoughts that we put into words. So, just because she says something hurtful once, or this week or this year doesn't mean that she knows what she is saying really.

One thing I do that is like that is that I am afraid that I will hurt someone if I say what I am thinking and then I will overcompensate by saying something that is too harsh in order to give myself the courage to express myself.

I never really want to be mean to people. Despite that, I have managed to be mean sometimes. Children are really selfish but we love them anyway. They don't know that they are being selfish in the way that we think about it.

Quote from: Unice on April 02, 2014, 02:45:44 PM
If it helps at all, at least I am someone who has read your post.

I try to remind myself that people pretty much never know what they really think about things. Our minds are much more complicated than the thoughts that we put into words. So, just because she says something hurtful once, or this week or this year doesn't mean that she knows what she is saying really.

One thing I do that is like that is that I am afraid that I will hurt someone if I say what I am thinking and then I will overcompensate by saying something that is too harsh in order to give myself the courage to express myself.




I never really want to be mean to people. Despite that, I have managed to be mean sometimes. Children are really selfish but we love them anyway. They don't know that they are being selfish in the way that we think about it.


Thank you for your response. It is odd around the house now she wants my to sleep in the front room. She has told me she descents anything masculine and only wants to be with women. Wow...8 months ago we were married. She says she did that for protection if something should happen to one of us. I could write a book right now. I am being told by her to wait until after April 24. That will be after a huge test she has been studying for. Then we can talk about all of this.

I feel for you. I'm young and inexperienced with love so I've little to say that will be helpful to your situation, but just so you know: I'm on your side and you've always got the forum to speak out to. I really hope things smooth out for both of you.

Quote from: Finnyh on April 06, 2014, 06:28:20 AM
I feel for you. I'm young and inexperienced with love so I've little to say that will be helpful to your situation, but just so you know: I'm on your side and you've always got the forum to speak out to. I really hope things smooth out for both of you.

Thanks. I guess right now it is up to her. I am a big believer in communication. Right now she chooses distance and does not want to talk. She has a huge test coming up and says this is all to distracting along with wanting feminine type lesbian in her life. It is like I woke up on another planet. I am starting to attend Ftm support groups and individual counseling. I have offered couples counseling to her and just get a maybe response.  So now I Am planning. On getting the financial affairs in order. I will not live like this and choose a more positive environment. Selling the house or getting my name off it so she can stay. Whatever....really now since my first post and discussing this with close friends, I do not think it could go back the way it was(or I thought it was) there are too many trust issues for me now. Care for her and love her? Of course, but unfortunately this has made me feel it is better to move on.