Hi,

I'm wondering, does anyone claim to or know of someone who would categorize themselves as a crossdresser/->-bleeped-<- where their desire to become a female is mostly a fetish/sexual in nature? They have at least done permanent hormonal changes to themselves. Then, I'm wondering how is that person coping? Do they have regrets?

Thanks.

They should not be self medicating because they will do potential physical and psychological harm to themselves.

We see therapists to help us in this journey to prevent such harm.

Quote from: Cindy on March 27, 2014, 01:52:54 AM
They should not be self medicating because they will do potential physical and psychological harm to themselves.

We see therapists to help us in this journey to prevent such harm.

Most assuredly!

There is no reason to alter your bodies chemistry and function for a fetish. We do it because we have to, it is that simple. Gender Dysphoria is terrible to have and causes huge discomfort in our lives requiring something to be done about it. All one has to do is look at the huge price we pay to treat it. A Therapist with gender experience will be able to tell you what you need to hear, not want you want to. Please find one and let them help to see if this transvestism is a fetish or undiagnosed Gender Dysphoria. If it is discovered to be a fetish I don't see many Therapist's giving the green light for HRT.

Hmm, that's really interesting. I was actually with you until this was said ...

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 27, 2014, 03:33:30 AM
There is no reason to alter your bodies chemistry and function for a fetish.

But the thought occurs to me, people alter their bodies and do all sorts of strange stuff for fetishes (cosmetics and all sorts of other reasons); it;s not that that is my thing but hey. Still, who the hell am I to tell anyone what they should or should not be able to do, to pursue their desires, sexual or otherwise. Granted, it is is probably not a very good idea, but still, there is a difference between something that is a bad idea and something that we should say categorically should not be done. Some people, maybe even most people may really dislike genital piercings and think they are a bad idea. Should that mean that the few people that do should not be allowed to have them? Is this comparable? I don't know!

I am not arguing for it, I am just thinking out loud and the answer I think, is that what I thought at first was clear cut, is not quite so clear.

For a long time I identified as a crossdresser.  Why should I stop just because I am now on hormones?  Can pills change everything so easily?  I guess you could say that I never was a crossdresser--but I cross-dressed and it brought me emotional and sexual satisfaction, so I think I was/am a crossdresser.  I just now am on HRT, so I am a crossdresser but also a transitioning transwoman.

My point here is that creating such distinct lines between the categories isn't very helpful.  I don't think I can take a pill and no longer be a crossdresser, and I don't think that the fact that I take a pill means I never was one.  Instead, I think one has to decide what action is right for oneself, regardless of how one identifies.

This is a subject I had to really ponder within myself. Was this just a sexual thing or something deeper. Believe me, I have struggled with this question a lot over the years. I never really cross dressed much as the fear of getting caught was overwhelming, but yet there was something deep inside wanting to get out and for years I could never quite pinpoint what it was. Given that sexually I have always preferred guys, I kept thinking that these feeling were sexual in nature, and in the mean time trying to act straight and fit into my supposed male gender role with women.

It was only till I ended up so destroyed trying to be something I wasn't and doing this destruction without even realizing the cause that I realized it was far from just sexual and needed professional help. I have to agree with Cindy as to this is why we see therapist. In my first visit, after going in and being completely honest, it took about five minutes for my therapist to tell me it was far more then just a fetish. I mean think about it, if it was a sexual thing for me, I'd just be gay and be done with it.

Also though I hate putting people into brackets... I have to somewhat agree with Kira. If it trips your trigger go for it. I don't know if I could do it if it was purely sexual. In fact I know I couldn't...

First I was not making a judgment against anyone as I have no right to do that. My opinion was based on conversations with my Therapy team about situations like the one above. I am simply saying where I live HRT is only given to people with diagnosed Gender Dysphoria. They are concerned with the full outcome in a patient both physical AND mental. It is their opinions that same fetishes fade over time and lose the interest and excitement. What would happen to a patient mentally after being on HRT for a possibly temporary interest if it faded. Would they regret HRT at that point or accept the changes. It is only right to consider these possibilities. I always advocate for Therapy in these and all transition seeking people. Transition is not just about hormones and surgeries, it is also about the optimal mental health of the patient. 

It's funny,  it's like if you get sexual pleasure out of being feminine then people think you can't be trans and that it's just a kink. I read though that cis women took the same test they use to determine autogynaphilia and about 3 quarters were autogynaphilic.  Just shows what a stupid system Blanchard had.

One thing I have learned in this process is that not only did I have to stop judging ones self but others also. I may be wrong here, but as transgender one has to self analyse but that can also get ones self in trouble quick. Hence the major need for therapy in the first place. But also I think once we take a very close look at ourselves we stop judging others as well. At least that was the case for me.

I mean yes I eventually want to find a nice guy settle down and have crazy sex in the bedroom, kitchen table etc... (Smiles) but I really had to put that one on the shelf for awhile and concentrate on what was going on in my head first.

I also personalty have to agree with Jessica. It would be horrific for me or anyone else if going though all this and then lost the desire for such a thing. But here again, who are we to judge.

I completely agree.  All of it ;-) X

Quote from: Veronica M on March 29, 2014, 09:47:20 AM
One thing I have learned in this process is that not only did I have to stop judging ones self but others also. I may be wrong here, but as transgender one has to self analyse but that can also get ones self in trouble quick. Hence the major need for therapy in the first place. But also I think once we take a very close look at ourselves we stop judging others as well. At least that was the case for me.

I mean yes I eventually want to find a nice guy settle down and have crazy sex in the bedroom, kitchen table etc... (Smiles) but I really had to put that one on the shelf for awhile and concentrate on what was going on in my head first.

I also personalty have to agree with Jessica. It would be horrific for me or anyone else if going though all this and then lost the desire for such a thing. But here again, who are we to judge.

Well, it is a long journey. Once I reached a certain point, I could not go back. Just going forward, despite occasional stopping and slowing the progress.

When I first wore silk stockings at my teens, I was sexually excited. Nowadays, no such a strong feeling any more. The same is for high heels and miniskirts. Skirts just became a part of my daily dressing. Nowadays I stopped temporarily wearing high heels, as my feet and toes hurt. Yes. I know that high heels are not good of the health of foot, but sometimes I have to wear them. I prefer skirts, because they are better than jeans in preventing fungal infection on my hips.

barbie~~

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on March 29, 2014, 06:04:16 AM
It's funny,  it's like if you get sexual pleasure out of being feminine then people think you can't be trans and that it's just a kink. I read though that cis women took the same test they use to determine autogynaphilia and about 3 quarters were autogynaphilic.  Just shows what a stupid system Blanchard had.

I just looked up Blanchard's work, and consider it to be completely off base. There are to many flawed tangents in his hypothesis having to do with gender, sex, sexual orientation and preferences while relating them together... Sex has nothing to do with gender, and relating the two together is a recipe for disaster. Especially when trying to draw conclusions from them.

PS: I would love to hear what Cindy has to say about Blanchard's work...

Quote from: Veronica M on March 29, 2014, 07:29:00 PM
I just looked up Blanchard's work, and consider it to be completely off base. There are to many flawed tangents in his hypothesis having to do with gender, sex, sexual orientation and preferences while relating them together... Sex has nothing to do with gender, and relating the two together is a recipe for disaster. Especially when trying to draw conclusions from them.

Definitly this! +1

Thanks for the reply everyone! I was thinking along the lines of people who would obtain them illegally or in a country with fewer restrictions. How many would start taking them and then go "uh ohh..., maybe this isn't for me".

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on March 29, 2014, 06:04:16 AM
It's funny,  it's like if you get sexual pleasure out of being feminine then people think you can't be trans and that it's just a kink. I read though that cis women took the same test they use to determine autogynaphilia and about 3 quarters were autogynaphilic.  Just shows what a stupid system Blanchard had.

I thought I have thought a lot about this topic, but your comment here is something I have never pondered about. In terms of sexuality to me it's pretty clear that it aligns to mostly "female" in nature although I have romantic interests mostly aligning to women. As a genetic male, I often wonder how much the resistance to assume a female gender identity is due to not passing easily (although I believe I can pass much more easily than other males) and all the mental pain and social problems it will entail. Also, how much of it is due to not being on the hormones themselves? Perhaps if these cis women were also born male, they would also encounter the same feelings.

I think if I'm not sexually worked up in any way I would be indifferent to what sex I was born into. However, due to the strong sexual leanings, it is causing me a lot of conflict. So, I like to just think of myself as a standard deviation away from being male, maybe like 1/4 female, 3/4 male identity In a way I think it is awesome to be gender fluid or people caught inside the gender spectrum because that way you can capture the true human experience. I feel like it grants that extra bit of wisdom because truth shouldn't be limited to what you may perceive as one gender (or on certain hormones) so if you see differences that should be a red flat that you may have some inaccuracy with how you perceive the world.

Finally, and I know I'm a little off-topic, sometimes I wonder if ->-bleeped-<-s who like to project themselves wholesomely as women and get ->-bleeped-<-ed by men are really just overly "straight" males. They love the idea of women so much and want to get close to them so badly, that they transform their very body to it. What better way is there to be close to femininity than to actually become it so that it follows you everywhere 24/7 as long as you are sexually aroused? I am wondering if anyone has thoughts on this.

Maybe it is time to talk to a therapist Hon.

Quote from: Cindy on March 31, 2014, 03:01:18 AM
Maybe it is time to talk to a therapist Hon.

I really have to agree with Cindy here as the questions you are asking if they pertain to yourself are thing a therapist can and will answer in a non-judgmental and honest way. It will help to get some insight about yourself if this is the case.

Quote from: bobowhoa on March 31, 2014, 02:54:19 AM
Finally, and I know I'm a little off-topic, sometimes I wonder if ->-bleeped-<-s who like to project themselves wholesomely as women and get ->-bleeped-<-ed by men are really just overly "straight" males. They love the idea of women so much and want to get close to them so badly, that they transform their very body to it. What better way is there to be close to femininity than to actually become it so that it follows you everywhere 24/7 as long as you are sexually aroused? I am wondering if anyone has thoughts on this.

I will answer this as I had to ponder this on a personal level. I am bisexual. I have been for many years. If I had a preference I would prefer a man sexually. I am also very much a bottom when I am with a man. But here is the kicker. In boy mode, I have attempted to fulfill several relationship with women. Both have been extremely good long term relationships both mentally and sexually fulfilling. But something was always missing. I have also been in a long term gay relationship. Several actually. Again very fulfilling. But here again something wasn't right.

It was only till I set the sexual desires aside did I realize what was missing was me. Hence the major need for therapy in the first place as Cindy replied. One has to separate what is gender related and what is sexual related and have a clear understanding of both. This has tormented me for many years and three month ago I hit the wall. My depression was to a point it was effecting my health and general well being to a point I had to do something or check out.

Needless to say, I chose doing something about it and found a great therapist. I went in and laid it all out on the table. It took her five minutes to tell me this was gender related and far from just sexual. So my point here is if your thinking that one is transgender because of sexual desires or if this is your case. The answer I would give you is no it has nothing to do with sex. Anyway, I hope that helped clarify that topic for you. We are who we are and the more we fight it and the longer we wait just caused inner torment to say the least.

Hugs

Thanks again for your comments. How do I upvote/add to reputation? I've been looking around for a button somewhere but don't seem to find one, perhaps I don't have enough posts yet. Anyways, I would upvote people here if I could!

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on March 27, 2014, 04:38:28 AM
Hmm, that's really interesting. I was actually with you until this was said ...

But the thought occurs to me, people alter their bodies and do all sorts of strange stuff for fetishes (cosmetics and all sorts of other reasons); it;s not that that is my thing but hey. Still, who the hell am I to tell anyone what they should or should not be able to do, to pursue their desires, sexual or otherwise. Granted, it is is probably not a very good idea, but still, there is a difference between something that is a bad idea and something that we should say categorically should not be done. Some people, maybe even most people may really dislike genital piercings and think they are a bad idea. Should that mean that the few people that do should not be allowed to have them? Is this comparable? I don't know!

I am not arguing for it, I am just thinking out loud and the answer I think, is that what I thought at first was clear cut, is not quite so clear.

Yes, people get all sorts of ridiculous piercings and face tattoos and ginormous muscles and penile subincision and who knows what else and it's not really a problem. IDK why people want to do those things but it's there body. I don't personally have a problem with somebody who wants hrt just to modify their body, although I do think it kind of delegitimizes the community somehow. I went through a lot of effort to get approved for this, it's not like I walked into the local piercing shop.