How do you guys feel about going stealth? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? What are some benefits and disandvantages of both being stealth and being out? I just want to hear some of your opinions and experiences!! 

I've had no choice but to be out at work, because I'm transitioning on the job in front of people I've worked with for several years. It isn't easy, I'm not 100% comfortable that they know my history. In all fairness, pretty much everyone has been absolutely brilliant, but the problem is: I have to deal with the knowledge that just about everyone who knows me knows my history, and I do sometimes feel like they're just humouring me. Ugh.

If I had any choice in the matter, I would've won the lottery, resigned my job, transitioned in complete stealth, moved to another city where nobody knows me, and started up in a completely new career. Who knows, perhaps I'll still do some of that at some stage.

I do have opportunities to be stealth, though - particularly outside of work. And I've made it clear to my colleagues that I don't want any new recruits to know about my history, so there are people at work who I feel more comfortable with because they just treat me like one of the guys. I always feel much more comfortable around people who've only met the new, improved version of me and have no idea of my trans* history. So I prefer to be as stealth as possible.

I think im stealth, but if there is a time where i may have to out my self then yeah (job, girlfriend, boyfriend) . But at the moment being stealth is great as i can live my life without worrying at the moment. I dont like the idea of being open to everyone and everything i dont see the point, i dont want to hold on to my pass. This is my view.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on March 28, 2014, 11:15:15 AM
If I had any choice in the matter, I would've won the lottery, resigned my job, transitioned in complete stealth, moved to another city where nobody knows me, and started up in a completely new career.

That would be ideal. Though if I won the lottery, the career wouldn't really be necessary

Generally, I believe that honesty is the best policy. Certain people need to know (medical personnel, anyone about to hop in the sack with me), but I don't feel the need to tell anyone that would never know otherwise.

Being stealth is where it's at for me.  My medical history is my business.  I transitioned to live as male not as "that guy who used to be a girl".

Quote from: JayDawg on March 28, 2014, 06:55:25 PM
That would be ideal. Though if I won the lottery, the career wouldn't really be necessary

Generally, I believe that honesty is the best policy. Certain people need to know (medical personnel, anyone about to hop in the sack with me), but I don't feel the need to tell anyone that would never know otherwise.

Being stealth isn't dishonesty though.

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on March 28, 2014, 06:58:56 PM
Being stealth is where it's at for me.  My medical history is my business.  I transitioned to live as male not as "that guy who used to be a girl".

Being stealth isn't dishonesty though.

I feel the exact same way. Many trans guys say they think its best to be out so everyone knows what you have overcome and its dishonest not to be out etc. But the whole point of my transition is to become male as I was meant to be not a guy-used to be girl so basically saying you are or always have been male would be a correct statement. Because I mean I've always been male mentally why should anyone care what I was physically when I'm not that way physically anymore? But I respect everyones opinion on the matter.

wheat thins, I totally agree that stealth is not dishonest. If I ever get to live full time as the guy I am, then... I'm just a guy. I used to look different, but so did lots of people. I used to have a different name, but so did lots of people. Everyone has a history. Everyone.

i'm choosing to be stealth because i just want to blend in, so no, i don't think it's wrong or dishonest. i think you're just being yourself.

i think a lot of people think being stealth is being "dishonest" because of how the media, or others have portrayed it. especially true for trans women and how people say they're just doing it to "trick" straight men into having "gay sex." it's all ridiculous and totally not true. i think it is unfair how even within the trans community it is frowned upon being stealth, as if you have to tell everyone you are trans because if you don't, you're automatically trying to be "cis" when you aren't, or you aren't "proud" etc. it's all bs though, just as bad as people trying to compare if you're "trans enough"

i'm stealth except for things i can't be stealth with right now because of currently no legal name change. so things like bank accounts, etc. have my birth name but for social situations (school, etc.) i'm stealth and i enjoy it that way. i don't get asked inappropriate questions, people don't act weird or treat me differently except just as a normal guy. there's nothing wrong with being stealth because tbh it is no ones business except who needs to know (dating, doctors, etc.) besides that, i deal with it as i would if i were gay - unless i'm sleeping with you, it's none of your business

I'm not stealth, only a couple of people know that I'm male as it is, and the few who do know that I'm trans.  I was stealth to a couple of people but had to be outted to them because they were meeting the people I work and live with, and it suddenly got terrifying that they would call me "Alex" in front of them.  It was just a necessary evil for my safety.  Though in the future I just want to be stealth I don't know how realistic it is to happen any time soon.  It's not my intention to be out for ever though, I just want to be a guy, not a trans guy.

I'm not "stealth", though I HATE that term, right down there with "pass/passing". Connotes dishonesty. I prefer disclosure, i.e. high or low disclosure. For instance being "out", I'd have "high disclosure". I also like that it's a neutral term that doesn't have a judgement behind it. And for pass-- read as male (female). But alas doubt that wording change will happen.

--Jay

I had the rare fortune to be able to completely up and leave my country of birth to move to another one entirely - I was able to come here and begin my life here as male, so I've always been stealth since I began my transition.

The cons?  Hmmm...they're anecdotal really and I'm sure some would change depending upon your situation/age/etc., but for me:

Cons:

~Having to make up stories/fibs about certain things in my life (why I had surgery, why I never wanted to hug anyone, why I didn't want to socialise...mind you, these things were because of my chest, but since having top surgery these things are mostly irrelevant)

~Living in dread that somoene will discover my past identity (either through background checks, Facebook, etc., or the fact that Human Resources at my work are the only ones who know because they had to process my visa information which was in my former name and gender)

~Worrying about things like jumping on a plane and going overseas in case I'm outed by customs or security

~Having to sit to pee because no STP will work convincingly at a urinal for me and hope that no one notices

~Having to out myself almost every time I go to a new doctor about something that requires me to take off my shirt

Pros:

~Being taken as a man at face value by new people you meet and knowing it will never be questioned

~Feeling that you're being included in "manly things" by other guys just because you're seen as a guy, and not because they feel obligated

~If someone looks at me funny, I know it's not because they know I'm trans*

I think the decision is up to each individual person, but I know being stealth is what will be best for me once I reach that point. I've always had the feel that if somebody straight out asks me if I'm trans I'm not going to lie and say no, but I'm also not going to go around telling everybody I meet that I am. I know I will eventually have to tell friends that I meet after I've pretty much finished my medical transition and I will have to tell future potential partners, but I'm not going to broadcast it to people that I only meet a few times. To me, I don't see why I have to tell people I'm trans because it really doesn't affect who I am...I want to get to know people before I tell them so then they can decide whether or not they like me based on my personality instead of my gender identity. Being stealth doesn't mean you are being dishonest or lying do everybody, it just means you want your personal life to stay your personal life. It's like some people who are Christian might choose not to tell everybody they meet that they are so that people get to know them for who they are instead of their religious beliefs...and some choose to be very open about it. It's all about personal preference. And if somebody thinks less of you for "hiding it" then they aren't worth your time.

I don't see being stealth as being dishonest, I'm a male, I want to be viewed as a male, so besides doctors and whoever my gf/bf is, no one needs to know if I am missing a penis or not. I accept that I was born as the female sex and I am transitioning, but I don't want the whole world to know about my past or my birth name, who cares? This is me and who I always have been. Its like when family members or a friend "outs" you, it pisses me off when they do it without my consent, like why do other people need to know my birth name? Is this relevant, especially when eventually gender and name changes will be all legal. I believe doctors and close family members and someone your going to be in a serious relationship with/sex should know, but other than that, no one needs to know unless you feel comfortable disclosing that information. Work yes I can understand HR or if your transitioning on the job, that's fine too, I just don't see stealth as being dishonest, when you have always felt I am male or female. For people who don't care about stealth and are open, that's great too, just respect the ones who are.