ok so ive spent a few hours (5 maybe?) researching things
if anyone is in the Mississippi coast area... could you recommend some psychologists?
i have found 2 very close to me
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=179557&sid=1396252383.0909_26290&zipcode=39581&zipdist=20&spec=187&tr=ResultsProfileBtn&trow=2&ttot=12
and
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=82907&sid=1396252383.0909_26290&zipcode=39581&zipdist=20&spec=187&tr=ResultsProfileBtn&trow=1&ttot=12

what should i look for in a therapist?

also, how do i measure for a binder?
and... whats a packer, exactly? >///>

and a side question: does any other guys feel embarrassed when looking at packers? especially the realistic looking ones with well... like this: http://sinthetics.com/shop/transgender-products/

also, how do i hide my thick thighs? T.T ..im overweight, by maybe 10-30 lbs, im not sure what normal weight is.
and my ..boobs are really big, almost a D, i think
i havent worn a real bra in a year almost because i get embarrassed shopping for them... i just wear sports bras i steal from my sister

Hi, there. 

Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 01:41:17 AM

what should i look for in a therapist?

My opinion would be to look for someone open-minded and who is willing to listen to you without being dismissive. 

A lot of people get hung up on seeking out a "gender therapist", but it's not really necessary.  It's helpful, especially to those guys who are confused or still exploring their gender options.

Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 01:41:17 AMalso, how do i measure for a binder?

Most binder websites have instructions.  I'm not going to tell you here because it's doing your homework for you.  Underworks' website explains it quite well.

Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 01:41:17 AMand... whats a packer, exactly?

It's a prosthetic penis, usually a flaccid "dong" made of some manner of movable material (cloth, silicone, etc.) that you can wear in your underwear or on a harness under your clothes that serves the purpose of giving you a realistic bulge in your pants and helping some who desire to feel "something there" with their dysphoria.

Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 01:41:17 AMand a side question: does any other guys feel embarrassed when looking at packers? especially the realistic looking ones with well... like this: http://sinthetics.com/shop/transgender-products/

Embarrassed how exactly?  I would be upset if someone who didn't know I was trans* saw me looking at them, but it wouldn't really be embarrassment as it's just a prosthetic body part.

Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 01:41:17 AMalso, how do i hide my thick thighs?

Depends on your overall shape.  Most guys use baggy pants or pants that are cut in a particular way in combination with shirts that help them appear to have broader shoulders.

Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 01:41:17 AMT.T ..im overweight, by maybe 10-30 lbs, im not sure what normal weight is.

There are charts all over the Internet that tell you what normal weight is based on age, height, etc.

Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 01:41:17 AMand my ..boobs are really big, almost a D, i think
i havent worn a real bra in a year almost because i get embarrassed shopping for them... i just wear sports bras i steal from my sister

Lots of guys start off with sports bras.  By the way, no offense, but "almost a D" isn't big by most standards.

Ok uhm.. I'm not sure how to quote, I'm on a app on my iPod.. But I'll try answering in order

Therapist: I've seen a few therapists and they've never connected with me.. Idk how to explain it.. Uh my first therapist was very nice and caring but she was soon expensive and we have no health insurance, a cheap one my pediatrician recommended was kind of creepy in a way I felt like I couldn't confide within him. I have trust issues, majorly.. And it's hard to find people irl to talk to and the nice therapists seem to be so expensive as they rent their space from a bank or some skyscraper like building, not a doctor's office like the ones my pediatrician recommends

Binder: thank you I'm going to guess its underworks.com?

Packer: thank you again xD

Embarrassment: uhm well they just seem so realistic, it's a little offsetting
I have a vivid imagination, and maybe a side effect from Prozac, but I start having all of these weird thoughts like "what will others think?! I'll look like a pervert who wants to wear a sex toy!!! How do I explain to them what it is?? What if...." And it goes on forever
I'm really introverted and shy and anxious around people and with the thoughts of being around people

Though.... I doubt realistically anyone would see the packer but .. Heh.. My brain and worrying and.. I'm weird ^///^

Thighs: I have a pair of khakis from my school's lost and found xD" they aren't that "baggy" but compared to American eagle girl's khaki's they are not as .... Constructing and don't cut off circulation etc
I can only find men's pants at Walmart or American eagle or Aeropostale in a 36, and I can only wear them at my navel not my hips like many guys, in women's I sometimes fit in a size 14..

Overweight: thank you, I always forget google even exists.. I just got my first laptop and I've been deathly afraid of getting viruses so I've only visited a handful of sites (I haven't even looked at porn in a few months)

Boobs: dude, I'm thankful not offended at that
Many girls near me are size 0 waist and less than A cup, many are jealous of me.. I try my hardest to hide them under oversized sweatshirts in summer in 97F weather lol

I'm going to say something that is often difficult for new transitioners to accept, no matter if they are FtM or MtF or gender fluid.

Accepting yourself is everything. It is hard to do. We were born wrong and, due to medical science we have the ability for that to be corrected and we can, and do, live happy and full lives.

I am a perfectly normal (if extraordinary ) woman living her life in great happiness and contentment.

I decided when I had a chance for a new body it would be what I wanted. I admit to being vain and I have no issues about it.

I want to be and I am a good looking woman.

But I worked at it. I went to the gym, I toned my body I took care of my health, I eat well and healthy, I look after myself. I get enough sleep, I forced myself to socialise. I deliberately went out and found what people my age and intelligence like to do. I wanted to participate in life.

I suggest you do that, I'm a natal male with a female brain, I taught myself what women my age do and how to act.

You need to do the same, develop your body, exercise, sculpt the male you. Yes T will help but don't wait for it, lose weight, find the proper foods to eat. Learn how to be a young man that you are proud of.

That is what drives a successful transition.

No one, not a single person in the world walks your path. It is your decision. We will help, you have brothers and sisters here who will help you. But you take responsibility for yourself, and there are no excuses.

I actually do eat healthy foods
But I also admit to having depression and binging and I have cleaned my kitchen out..

I try to find people and socialize, right now I have.. 3-4 people at school I socialize with
It varies how many like me based on the video game I'm playing at the time

I am trying to pay for all my hospital bills before trying to exercise, my ribs are deformed .. Like a corset shape (I've never worn a corset before) and even breathing deeply is very painful, so I need to go to my physician to see if he can suggest something for me or fix my ribs or something

You are a brave young man.

I like you

I-I'm not brave xD"""

You are!

I know that.

Oh also, I'm 5'5" and 160lbs(I think, I haven't been to the doctor's in a while)

I have biceps because of drawing, slight as they may be

Most of my fat is in my thighs despite me walking for hours around my neighborhood and to surrounding stores

Well your BMI is 27, you are overweight, unless you are muscular. Time to sculpt the body!

I enjoy the fact that at first I am walking to the store to find wifi or just to waste time, but then I end up having to buy Tylenol or some other OTC painkiller xD

My joints are weak

I'm not muscular, I used to be, I was lean and below 100 lbs being 5'3" (I've grown in 3 years)
I was on ADHD medicine and I might have eaten... A bite of a quarter slice of peach a day
Then I switch my ADHD medicine for antidepressants which made me more depressed and I binged and quickly quickly quickly passed 100lbs and went way too far

I've always been medicated and secluded in my bedroom
My family has never wanted to deal with me
A famous line from my mom "you better give her something or give me something" at the doctor's, meaning medicine

ok going to try to answer these lol

what should i look for in a therapist?

I went for a gender therapist, because I figuered they would understand and it wouldn't be as awkward saying I want to be a guy, it worked out well, she even asked me my preferred name, I told her I wanted to talk about gender issues. Regular therapist know about it too, I just thought a gender one would be more comfortable.

also, how do i measure for a binder?
and... whats a packer, exactly?

I have small boobs, which I am grateful for, I'm around a size B (was an A until birth control -_-). I am usually a size small in underworks binders, if your a D cup, I would probably go for a medium or large, just check the measurement requirements on the site. Packer is a flaccid penis, that you put in your briefs to make you have a package, it helps with dysphoria, my bottom dysphoria isn't that bad cause I know most people are not looking down there (have it more with my boobs), again its up to the person if you want a packer or not.

and a side question: does any other guys feel embarrassed when looking at packers? especially the realistic looking ones with well... like this: http://sinthetics.com/shop/transgender-products/

I don't feel embarrassed, I mean if my mom were to come in and see me looking at them I might be a little embarrassed lol but it doesn't phase me, it just makes me feel better with my dysphoria.

also, how do i hide my thick thighs? T.T ..im overweight, by maybe 10-30 lbs, im not sure what normal weight is.
and my ..boobs are really big, almost a D, i think
i havent worn a real bra in a year almost because i get embarrassed shopping for them... i just wear sports bras i steal from my sister

far as thighs, wear baggy jeans or sweatpants, nothing to tight fitting, I have some thighs too, but that's what being born female does, hips and thighs, T should help redistribute the fat, so it won't be as bad, but you can start going to gym now and working out to lose it. I go to the gym every week, it helps me feel more masculine, especially when your pre T, it helps to see muscles forming lol Sports bras are fine, I use a sports bra when I go to the gym, cause a binder I don't think would be healthy exercising in or hard too, I wouldn't feel embarrassed for the sports bra, just think of it as a binder.

Also jealous of your height, wish I was 5'5 lol I'm like 5'3

Beware of looking for therapists on that site. They just have to check the "trans" box and could have no idea what they are talking about. You might find a good one but I tried that site and ended up with a religious nut job.