Well I have been here for a bit now and really haven't seen to much chatter to the subject of un-learning masculine behavior. Yea there have been tid-bits here and there but nothing specific. So here I am at 56 years old and have spent 45 of those trying to fit in as a guy... Believe me the mask is hard wired pretty good too. So here I am, I have finally accepted the fact that guy modes isn't working and has drove me almost to extinction. I say almost because three month ago It actually got to where it was being considered. Anyway, not wanting this I got myself into therapy and Veronica was born. That said I really do like her very much and not real fond of the other person but coping.

So here is my question... I have spent 45 years or so learning to hide my femininity and now that I am coming out. (Slow but sure) How did you girl un-learn all the behaviors you put up trying to fit into your male counterpart??? 

Hmmm...Well if you are talking about "behaviour" in a subconscious body language context...I am still working on that right now (see my ongoing in depth analysis of the differences  between "male" and "female" hugging ^^') but in general I found the greatest help for me so far has just been lots of mirrors!

Yes we all hate mirrors to some degree or another...because lets face it, we really dislike what we see most of the time.

But I have found that by buying lots of mirrors of various sizes (from full length to desktop ones) and strategically placing them around my home, I can often quickly catch a glimpse of myself and my motions out of the corner of my eye. If I realise I am moving or acting in an overtly masculine manner I can stop, realise what I am doing and why, and then "correct" it.

That's been the best thing for me...and it makes your rooms look bigger and brighter too boot!

Like anything, I would expect that practice make perfect. Perhaps when you're out and about
you could take notice of the mannerisms of cis females. There are a wealth of references on the net.
Here are a couple of links you may find helpful


http://www.tgtoday.com/howto/howto.shtml

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usrs6cm2vQg&feature=related

Going from faking male behavior to faking female behavior is not a great improvement.  Learn to relax and realize who you really are.  It's not possible to turn things around rapidly.  After you realize that you are most definitely NOT male, the rest will follow naturally.  Be patient, time will make things right.

Randi

Quote from: Veronica M on April 01, 2014, 08:50:12 AM
So here is my question... I have spent 45 years or so learning to hide my femininity and now that I am coming out. (Slow but sure) How did you girl un-learn all the behaviors you put up trying to fit into your male counterpart???

Quote from: Randi on April 01, 2014, 11:35:43 AM
Going from faking male behavior to faking female behavior is not a great improvement.  Learn to relax and realize who you really are.  It's not possible to turn things around rapidly.  After you realize that you are most definitely NOT male, the rest will follow naturally.  Be patient, time will make things right.

Randi

That actually make a lot of sense Randi... I consider that to be very sound advice. And believe me I know for fact that I am not male with the exception of this appendage between my legs. Just took me a long time to admit it to myself. Never the less It's not like I am desperate to get rid of it, but yuck... LOL... Don't get me wrong, I love it on a guy but it is not me for sure. Anyway thank you everyone for your words of advice. Any other tips are more than welcome.

Hugs

I found that after a few years on HRT the dysphoria virtually disappeared.  The need for SRS can be greatly diminished after a while.  More and more transwomen are finding it's not really necessary for them.

Quote from: Veronica M on April 01, 2014, 11:46:57 AM
I am not male with the exception of this appendage between my legs

Quote from: Randi on April 01, 2014, 12:17:25 PM
I found that after a few years on HRT the dysphoria virtually disappeared.  The need for SRS can be greatly diminished after a while.  More and more transwomen are finding it's not really necessary for them.

I guess I should have rephrased that a little as I have not come out completely yet, but inside I am very much female. It's losing the all the crap I have learn trying to be a guy that I am trying to lose.

Early on during my meltdown that finally prompted my transition, I just couldn't bear to fake it anymore.  My walk was fake, my voice was fake, my mannerisms were mostly fake.  When I became conscious of this fact, all of the pieces started to fall into place.   One of the first things I had to do to remain sane was to stop the dudely act and just do what came naturally.  It wasn't a complete relief, but it helped a lot.  Once I was able to strip away the facade, what remained was the real me.  Some things that are generally perceived as masculine behavior survived the cut.  It turned out that I legitimately liked sports, heavy metal, fixing things and playing in bands.

Same monkeys, different barrel.

Hi Veronica,

Quote from: Veronica M on April 01, 2014, 08:50:12 AM
So here is my question... I have spent 45 years or so learning to hide my femininity and now that I am coming out. (Slow but sure) How did you girl un-learn all the behaviors you put up trying to fit into your male counterpart???

The answer is not "unlearning" previous behaviours. You have 45 years of repressed thoughts feelings and emotions, that once released through you acceptance of who you really are, will take over from the non genuine male behaviours. The slower you accept the inevitable the slower the uptake of your new and proper experiences.

This is where you'll need to concentrate and "feel" these emotions and feelings take their place. At times you may have to "give yourself permission" to feel awkward/strange in adopting these new experiences.

The more you allow yourself to feel these changes, the better you will present yourself and increase your self respect.

Embrace and enjoy.
Huggs
Catherine

One fun part for me was learning to cook, setting a nice table with candles. Having dinner with a man as a normal woman would. You should try that sometime. Don't forget the apron while cooking, dress nice & cook away. Maybe bake a cake. Just have fun, enjoy your feminine side.

And nails, nails, nails. Women do not do their nails as much these days, but so many mannerisms come from how one works with long, flawlessly painted nails. So much changes, without affecting your own behavior, and they are necessicary adjustments, if you simply grow and paint your nails.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on April 01, 2014, 09:52:37 PM
One fun part for me was learning to cook

I always thought I hated cooking, baking or doing housework of any kind unless it involved power tools.  Wrong.  These were tasks I once resented because they were nothing more than big fat dysphoria triggers to me.  Doing (and yes, this is sexist and lame) what I once perceived as feminine activities but not being able to express femininity at the same time made me very angry and frustrated.  I think learning to enjoy feminine things without guilt or frustration is just as important as dropping the old guy facade when it comes to squeezing the most happiness out of my life.

Yeah Jill!

I am amazed at how guilt free these new hobbies of mine are.

Who'd've thunk I would like to shop and play with makeup? Shoes! OMG shoes.

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on April 01, 2014, 09:42:42 PM
The answer is not "unlearning" previous behaviours. You have 45 years of repressed thoughts feelings and emotions, that once released through you acceptance of who you really are, will take over from the non genuine male behaviours. The slower you accept the inevitable the slower the uptake of your new and proper experiences.

This is where you'll need to concentrate and "feel" these emotions and feelings take their place. At times you may have to "give yourself permission" to feel awkward/strange in adopting these new experiences.

The more you allow yourself to feel these changes, the better you will present yourself and increase your self respect.

This make a lot of sense... In the last few months, I have been doing exactly that. LOL... awkward/strange is an under statement... But I have been learning that it's okay... I have felt a inner peace of late that is almost overwhelming.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on April 01, 2014, 09:52:37 PM
One fun part for me was learning to cook, setting a nice table with candles. Having dinner with a man as a normal woman would. You should try that sometime. Don't forget the apron while cooking, dress nice & cook away. Maybe bake a cake. Just have fun, enjoy your feminine side.

I absolutely love cooking. Hence why I need to lose weight before starting HRT. (Smile) But yes, I agree. My mother bless her heart taught me how to cook at a very young age and to this day I thank her for that. And one of the things I am so looking forward to is having dinner with a man as a normal woman would. Now my baking skills still need a little work.

Quote from: Tori on April 01, 2014, 10:14:39 PM
Yeah Jill!

I am amazed at how guilt free these new hobbies of mine are.

Who'd've thunk I would like to shop and play with makeup? Shoes! OMG shoes.

Right? Shopping makes me so happy now.  I used to do surgical strikes at the mall.  Run in, grab item, pay, run out.  So hard to find size 13 shoes though.   Good thing my wife had a closet full of them!

One suggestion I would have is to take an adult acting class. I have an acting background and it really helped me transition relatively seamlessly.

For me accepting myself and getting on HRT began to release the "authentic" me, and once that happened a lot of female mannerisms began to happen naturally. I recently gave a presentation in girl mode in front of a small group of people; the presentation was recorded and I watched it afterward. I could clearly see some of the girly mannerisms and expressions that were always natural to me but that had been suppressed for years coming out without me even thinking about them at the time I was giving that presentation.

The only problem I am having is that my mannerisms are getting way more femme and I am not out yet at work - today I was in a business meeting and I realized with horror that I was sitting with my legs crossed at the knee in a purely female fashion LOL...... be careful what you wish for!

I don't really categorize my activities into male or female traits much anymore    Sure I'm feminine as all get out    But is it really necessary to categorize every activity? Other than a few things most activities are just fundamental things anyone would do and sex or gender really has nothing to do with it

I cook and bake because I like good food and it's less expensive than going out, I keep a clean place because I like a clean place, I make repairs because something needs repair and I can't always afford to have someone do it for me

Okay, I love very flowing feminine clothing, doing my hair, my makeup and painting my nails and so forth, but when it's time to clean the oven and do other chores I'm not putting on my favorite dress

Hecks no!!! We're talking about putting the hair up out of danger and crap clothes I don't really care so much about like any other sensible woman would do

Get dirty, get grimy, take a potty break and look in the mirror and say "Dang, I look pretty hot bra less with just a man's tee-shirt and crappy old jeans on" Then touch up your lipstick, bat your eyes and get back to it

It's not all about preconceived norms imo, it's about you being you and being comfortable and accepting yourself for who you are

Just some of my thoughts

Hugs

Quote from: Eva Marie on April 01, 2014, 11:02:26 PM
For me accepting myself and getting on HRT began to release the "authentic" me, and once that happened a lot of female mannerisms began to happen naturally. I recently gave a presentation in girl mode in front of a small group of people; the presentation was recorded and I watched it afterward. I could clearly see some of the girly mannerisms and expressions that were always natural to me but that had been suppressed for years coming out without me even thinking about them at the time I was giving that presentation.

The only problem I am having is that my mannerisms are getting way more femme and I am not out yet at work - today I was in a business meeting and I realized with horror that I was sitting with my legs crossed at the knee in a purely female fashion LOL...... be careful what you wish for!

I really want to start HRT and my therapist has given me the go ahead, but at my weight right now I would look like a bowl of jello with boobs... 
But I have to admit I have found myself sitting different and my gestures have changed somewhat which to me is exciting to see. But yes when one is not out all the way yet one needs to pay attention... LOL... 

Quote from: V M on April 01, 2014, 11:10:59 PM
Okay, I love very flowing feminine clothing, doing my hair, my makeup and painting my nails and so forth, but when it's time to clean the oven and do other chores I'm not putting on my favorite dress

Hecks no!!! We're talking about putting the hair up out of danger and crap clothes I don't really care so much about like any other sensible woman would do

Get dirty, get grimy, take a potty break and look in the mirror and say "Dang, I look pretty hot bra less with just a man's tee-shirt and crappy old jeans on" Then touch up your lipstick, bat your eyes and get back to it

It's not all about preconceived norms imo, it's about you being you and being comfortable and accepting yourself for who you are

Yes I agree, there is a time and a place for everything...