To those of you who were married pre-transition, I'm just curious what reaction you got from your SO's family. Mind sharing?

Thanks,
Teg

They started sending my ex- letters in her maiden name.

My 92 year old very religious mother in law said - please look after my daughter and I love you.

She has never missed my name, OK pronouns don't always work, but hey, she is 92!

My wife's family promptly disowned her. I still feel terrible about that, even though they'd had a very difficult relationship beforehand. They told her if she got divorced they'd accept her back as a daughter. She told them anyone who asked her to choose between me and them automatically lost that decision, and hasn't spoken to them in years.

(Except her sister, who's actually been fantastic. 100% supportive, and argues with their parents about it when they still use the wrong name about me, etc.)

Mother-in-law had a little freak out. She is ok and trying. We had a "talk" were she said she always felt like I was hiding something as that my wife and I were always more like "best girlfriends" than "partners". She also said that we didn't have passion... Which confused us. Either way she is trying. But everyone of the older relatives asked her why she would marry me(wife knew before we got married) and if we would stay married. Her grandmother who is super catholic has been amazing. Name and pronouns are correct most of the time and she told me that she loves me. So far so good with the in-laws.

Quote from: Cindy on April 02, 2014, 07:50:33 AM
My 92 year old very religious mother in law said - please look after my daughter and I love you.

She has never missed my name, OK pronouns don't always work, but hey, she is 92!

Meanwhile, my 87 year-old, quite religious mother-in-law took the news with her usual calm, unflappable, broadmindedness and became very cross that her daughter had not been equally understanding. I had to restrain her from calling my wife up there and then to give her a piece of her mind!

Mine are pretty conservative, but unexpectedly were 100% supportive right off the bat, unlike my parents who took some time.

 

well, for me quite a different story.

My in laws want to exclude me from the life of their daughter and our children.




They say I am dangerous for their (the childrens') mental health.

I'm surprised to hear so many positive responses. And Marina, I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles.

Yeah, as I far as I stand, my in-laws hate me. They hate guy-me: Tony. Not for any particular reason, they just do. It's mostly because I'm not my wife's ex, who was a businessman, money-driven, and completely emotionally-neglectful. I'm, on the other hand, tattooed, youthful, and creative, with weird interests and a feminine demeanor (HA!). They're kind of miserable people, to tell the truth. So, yeah, I'm not holding out hope for anything from them but pure venom.

I just wondered how it was for others.

Thanks,
Teg

Father in law doesn't like me anymore ~ thinks I'm confused and constantly tells my wife to talk to me about "taking testosterone to fix the issue". It's caused a lot of tension between my wife and her parents because she's already in it for the long haul and she's upset that her parents can't accept it. Her mom keeps saying she's worried about her and keeps telling my wife to delete family members from Facebook and not post pictures with me and her. She is currently not speaking to her parents until they have decided to accept our relationship.

It honestly makes me happy that my wife is sticking up for me <3 but it makes me sad that there is tension where it needs not be.

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on April 02, 2014, 03:02:45 PM
It honestly makes me happy that my wife is sticking up for me <3 but it makes me sad that there is tension where it needs not be.

That is so awesome that you're wife is sticking up for you Emily! Though your mention of Facebook did remind me that my mother-in-law erased her profile because I was coming out on facebook (over last weekend) and not making a whole new separate one. It was mentioned to my wife that it was because she didn't want to get heated or into arguments with people over what they would say to me. But really everyone has been super nice and supportive other than family

That's awesome, Emily. I'm glad you have such strong support from your SO. Something like that makes a HUGE difference.

So, the father-in-law thinks a dose of T will "man you up"? Good god, the ignorance...

Cheers,
Teg

I wasn't married to my ex but we were super serious and it was pretty clear it was headed in that direction. Her parents were really nice about it and didn't seem to mind the idea of their daughter being with a trans person (that being said, they accepted it when she was dating as a girl too, so that makes it slightly different since we weren't "straight" appearing). I think more than anything they just wanted her to be with someone that made her happy. They welcomed me into their home, integrated me as part of the family, and they still send me Christmas cards every year. 

My wifes mother and father are very old fashion .there in 70s and her father is angry person. So we decided to never tell her side of family because it would just screw up things for my wife .Where ok with that .If latter down the line if my wifes brother ask for pictures than we will have to address it then ..Even on my side my weigh the risk versus need to know and make choices that way. aka sara

It was more peculiar than expected. Firstly, they had a hint, since I was spotted by my brother-in-law as myself. My sister-in-law expressed sincere disappointment with my wife for not being forthcoming with her family on the issue.

When my wife gained enough courage to share what was happening (I was forbidden from doing so myself), my mother-in-law in her THC warped mind asked my wife, "I thought you like guys. Does this make you like, a lesbian now?" (That is still an issue under intense discussion)

My father in law was much more sagacious and less latin macho rage than I expected him to be... "If you want to be in this marriage still, that is your decision. But I want you to be doing this because this is what you want and not because you both think you're obligated to each other."

My grandmother-in-law is pretty freaked out. She thinks my wife should cut and run - be done with it. She also is confused that I want to do this and have no interest in men (she thought I was going to be bringing home STDs after encounters with men!)

Mind you, my wife has a large family and this is just the tip of the iceberg. The jury seems to be out on us, which is good - I'm still pleading my case to my wife.

I'll go down the list. My wife has two sisters, mom and dad, and an aunt who are close to her.

Mom- worried for me, still loves me and believes that Christine is a product of my relationship with my parents. Doesn't quite understand it. Retired Navy and supportive of her children which puts her in a tight spot.
Dad- accepts it and still looks at me as a friend and family member. He was a navy boat chief and he has had a few crew members go through this. So he was educated from the start which was a huge relief.
Older Sister- ignores it but gives me funny looks. I don't see the husband much anymore. Their son just sees me as Chris. Just as happy as the day I met him.
Younger Sister- totally shocked and passive on the topic. Most likely thinks I'm weird but hasn't actually said it. In fact doesn't talk to me much any more. Her kids just look at me the same as they did before which is to rough house and ask about video games or football.
Aunt- supportive and while doesn't admit that she knows she has been taking extra time to talk to me during her visits which she did not do before.

I will say that the amount of hugs and affection has dropped like a rock. It could be because of the impending divorce though. That said the only open negative reaction that I have gotten so far from anyone has been from my wife. Everyone else seems to get that this is something that I need to deal with regardless of their understanding of what it is to be transgender.

I've been lucky so far.

We just came out to my SO's sister the day before yesterday. She was totally cool about it and she's coming to visit next week and to meet Joan for the first time. I'm really looking forward to it.

My mother in law thought we were joking at first, when she dropped in later that day and I was wearing a skirt and my wife was talking me thru doing my makeup she realized it wasn't and joined in with the tips and said I needed a pair of heels with the skirt.

My father in law was told while we were having a fire and his response was "hey your family no matter what. I don't care if you have titties and wear a skirt, or you have balls and grow a beard, you will always be family, all that really matters is that your happy"

Really the only negative response came from my sister in law who just said "well that's creepy" and walked away....but she was drunk and we never got along so oh well.

My S.O. is Muffinpants, who some of you are probably familiar with.

Here's how the conversation went down (warning: transphobic slur used):

She called her mom and after making some small talk said, "I need to tell you something about Andy"
she immediately replied, "is he a ->-bleeped-<-?!?!" (she wasn't trying to be mean; frankly most of the people I've spoken to still seem unaware this is considered offensive)

She then went on about how she always knew it and it wasn't a big deal to her as long as muffinpants and I were happy.

Her father... well he has hated me since me and muffin first started going out and thinks I'm a closet homosexual; he's the kind of person we genuinely fear might become violent if they knew the truth so we keep him in the dark

The in-laws applied significant pressure on my ex. That was certainly a factor in why she is my ex.