just came out again (in a way) to my parents by telling them i wanted to wear a dress to prom. they said as long as i live under their roof it wont happen. they think my safety is on the line if i crossdress and then i told them i had told over 50 people and they were all fine with it. they said that my friends all probably laugh at me behind my back (they dont, i have great friends) and that the jocks would beat me up. NO NO NO NO NO is all i heard.

so what do you say in return to this. they have a good reason for saying no (my safety). the only thing i dont know is if they worry for me or if they are using it as a reason to put down the crossdress thing. also i think they are still stuck back to where they went to school and they dont realize how different school is now. prom and family is important to me but i dont know if they will ever be comfortable with this part of me. what the hell do i do?

I don't know, honestly. On one hand I would tell you to just do whatever the hell you wanted but then you would have to deal with the probably extreme consequences at home. You could throw on some old tux at home and leave in it, quickly go to a friends house and change into your dress and go straight to prom. It sounds silly but it could work. I've had to do some sneaky things myself due to difficult parents so I know all about it.

Good luck!

I didnt go to prom, but if I was you, id just go to a friends house before prom and get dressed up in a dress there.  Instead of prom I dressed up in my usual gamer/ young adult woman cloths aka how I look now XD and just went to my friends for the night and we all played video games and dungeons and dragons.

I agree with the others. If I were you, I'd just change into the dress and wear it to prom whether they liked it or not. Go have the time of your life and prove their concerns (if they are genuinely concerned) wrong. You're far too pretty to wear a tux instead.

Don't know how this will play, but worth a try.

QuoteMom, Dad, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in and not to allow people to push me around. I'm doing what you taught me. Wearing a dress feels right to me. That's who I was wired to be. I didn't choose to be transgender, but I'm not going to let people bully me into being who they want me to be. That's the way you taught me.

Don't know that it will work, but might be worth a try. Please let us know how it goes. You're in a difficult situation, but you have lots of people here rooting for you.

Good luck, Jasmine.

why do they need to know.

Wear your dress! Change at a friend's house!  I see what 33 years of hiding has done to my love (mtf).  I would never wish that on anyone!

Hi, Although I don't think your parents are _unconcerned_ about your safety, I think that they are using such concerns as an excuse and perhaps to avoid having to face that their child is a girl. These reactions are a typical kind of denial from parents who hope that the problem will just go away. (I can just hear the parents in the early stages of the gay revolution who would tell their child, "I'm okay; I'm just worried about how others will treat you.")

I don't have any really advice about what you should do, other than to understand that responding to their objection probably won't help because it's not real to begin with. You will get to live your life, and I hope it starts soon.

In 30 years time, would you want to look back at photos of yourself or someone else ? Could this not be a way of indicating to your parents that you growing up and making some decisions for yourself in the way that you will suffer whatever the consequences are for being yourself ? It is your prom not theirs. You said 50 people know. Safety in numbers  perhaps ? They will be your memories and photos in 30 years time that you may want to share with your kids.

First, do what you feel is best for you.  If that means wearing a dress to the prom, then so be it.  What I would say is that your parent's concerns, whether real or hiding a more hidden agenda of tempering your trans feelings, may have some validity to it.  The truth is it will likely be a shock to your peers, if you usually present male or that's what they know you as, to come to the prom in a dress.  I'm not sure of your situation, so I can't really tell the extent of everything.  Of course, you don't deserve any backlash for such an innocuous thing, but I don't want to tell you everything will go smoothly when I really don't know.

Having said all that, this is your life and your prom.  If going in a dress and being true to yourself is really important, does everyone else truly matter?  Is any of the potential backlash you may receive more important than your own happiness that day?  That's a question that's better answered by you as we all have different perspectives and comfort zones for our lives.  Find yours and follow through accordingly.  Good luck with everything and I hope your prom is special as well as memorable in a positive way. 

* Edited to make more sense, lol. 

It's prom so by definition it sucks. Don't go and wear a dress somewhere else. Would you wear a dress as every day attire? which reminds me I gotta break out my grey button up romper dress I just don't think I got the shoes for it now. Some shiney Docs would go great with it but I don't know. All I got know is Keds. I suck.

I mean really in the long scheme it doesn't matter unless you want to be remembered forever as trans in that down and other nearby towns, then by all means, do it. But, you might wish you didn't two years from now if you're transtioning and find a hard time getting a guy because you can never get past that initial stage. If you're pretty most guys will consider dating a trans woman if they hit it off as friends but keep the sexual tension there.

I'm actually on the side of your parents on this one. I honestly think they are saying no for your safety. I'm 30 and when I was in school kids were mean....today though kids are flat out ruthless. I have seen kids getting jumped by 5 to 8 other kids just because they are different it are openly gay at school, or are different then everyone else. Not to mention my personal beating by 5 guys because they "wanted to teach a ->-bleeped-<- to not wear women's jeans in public. When it's shirt ripped and we saw it was wearing a bra, we beat him harder just because he is a silly ->-bleeped-<-". Yes that day is the most extreme situation possible, but still take a second, before you react, and before you think they hate you, and think for a couple that they might be thinking about your safety in a VERY  mean and dangerous world.

honestly do not wear a dress to a prom, you will either get laughed at or bullied and might even end up in the same situation like it was in the book and movie Carrie. i wouldn't come out like that to everyone, if ur gonna come out just let ur good friends know and honestly if your parents don't accept u don't let it stop u, who cares if they don't, its ur life, live it anyway you want, if u identify as a girl then when u can move out then transition since once u are out of ur parents house then little they can do to stop you. i know its hard take it from me ive dealt with alcoholism and other things so its not easy just don't turn to something that u will regret in the long run.  also if ur gonna go to a prom wear a tux, don't wear it to prom u will humiliated in front of tons of people, i went to my junior prom in providence and believe me there will be other people there and they might not even accept u for u are, discrimination is huge with transgender and homosexuality not saying you are but just making an example since they might think that you are homosexual instead of transgender which is something you do not want.

Quote from: kariann330 on April 05, 2014, 12:32:16 PM
I'm actually on the side of your parents on this one. I honestly think they are saying no for your safety. I'm 30 and when I was in school kids were mean....today though kids are flat out ruthless. I have seen kids getting jumped by 5 to 8 other kids just because they are different it are openly gay at school, or are different then everyone else. Not to mention my personal beating by 5 guys because they "wanted to teach a ->-bleeped-<- to not wear women's jeans in public. When it's shirt ripped and we saw it was wearing a bra, we beat him harder just because he is a silly ->-bleeped-<-". Yes that day is the most extreme situation possible, but still take a second, before you react, and before you think they hate you, and think for a couple that they might be thinking about your safety in a VERY  mean and dangerous world.

Yes, the world can be cruel, but these instances are not the norm, and it depends a lot on where you live and what your school is like. I personally do not believe in living your life in fear of what might be. I'd rather be myself and face the small risk of consequences than let fears of a worst case scenario control me. There's not a damn thing this world can do to me that would be worse than the hell I went through denying myself for so long.

In your situation, Jasmine, your school sounds like an accepting and fairly safe environment, going by the reactions of those 50 people who already know and are okay with it.