So, I have probably the world's most stupid question/problem, and wondering if anyone has any insight other than  "let it go" which I know is probably the answer!

My girl, Hayleigh, loves wearing red and purple together.  And I hate it, only because I don't like red and purple together. 

But that is not the actual problem.  The problem is, she asks me what I think about her outfits, and I am incapable of lying.  So I try to do the "I don't like those colors together, but other than that you look good."  Which is the 100% truth.  Hayleigh could wear the most ugly outfit/color combination in the entire world, look like a train wreak, but would still look good because of her personality and just because I am so in love with her.  However, even the honesty above frustrates her, and she feels like I'm trying to bring her down.  But I can not tell her that I love her outfit, because that would be lying, and our relationship is built on honesty and openness.  But, even if I wanted to I just can not do that, ANYONE can see right through my attempts to lie. 

Any advice???

Chris

Would a lie of omission be just as bad as a flat out lie?

I am kinda on the same page as lalitrus. She needs a little reassurance and if she is feeling insecure about herself then it might be more beneficial to her at this moment in time to omit the first part of your opinion and just go with the "You look good." It's not a lie because you do thinks she does. Once she builds up her self esteem more, you may be able to have a more open dialog. Or maybe even you'll start to love her little style quirks, because your styles may be totally different. When my Hayley first started dressing more feminine I thought we'd have very similar clothes. Some of the things she has gotten since then really weren't my taste. BUT I have to respect that I'm not the one who's wearing it and she needs to express herself in whatever way she feels comfortable.

PS-I happen to LOVE red and purple together. In fact, my hair at our wedding was black and red with purple flowers in it.

My style doesn't match up with Jesse's either. Much more showy than I am in pretty much every area. However, I am rather brutally honest. This might just be because of our relationship but when Jesse is in guy mode, he is also as honest about how I dress.

How we look is one of those things that affects how we behave. For those first trips out dressed up, it was with meticulous care that she approached me for an opinuon, but one that was respected because I was doing it out of a woman's sensibility and based on a fair bit of knowledge about style. I know we all have our own sense of style, but I know that Jesse is particular (sometimes to a fault) about how he/she looks in both modes.

I guess telling her about your dislike of the combination of colours might best be addressed when she's not wearing them

I would love to just leave it as "You look good.", but I know my voice is not convincing when I say that... If I could, it would make this so much easier!

Hayleigh's and my style are totally different also.  And in every way I am OK with it, except for this one!   

Hayleigh seems to think (at least a little) that I either am nitpicking on purpose, because I am insecure about my weight not being where I want it to be right now.  My weight is not good right now, but picking on her choice of colors is not going to help me feel better, so that is definately not true.  I seriously, in all 100% honesty just hate those colors together. 

The other issue, which has been brought up is I really don't have a lot of style sense myself.  I freely and openly admit it.  I really should have been that 70's hippie teacher that teaches in the compound!  And because of that, I try not to give too much advice.  Although I really do love her style, I could nitpick if I wanted to, but I don't.  Everything else she wears I like enough (or know nothing about fashion) to honestly be able to say "I love it"  "Or you look cute".  I even just did a google search on "red and purple outfits" just to see other outfits, and it's not just her, I hated them all.

But after reading all of your advice/insight, and Hayleigh and I talking about it yesterday, I am going to work on trying to ignore that particular thing...

Thank you all for listening to my silliness!

It's not really silliness I can safely say that we all have times when our loved ones wear something that we don't love! Good on you for choosing to ignore it.

I'm really glad everyone listens here. It is comforting to know that there are so many to hear us out about any topic!

I would suggest asking her not to ask your opinion if she wears this color combination. or simply say, "I plead the 5th."

Quote from: Rainbow Brite on April 05, 2014, 10:38:52 PM
I would suggest asking her not to ask your opinion if she wears this color combination. or simply say, "I plead the 5th."

That is perfect until I can learn not to hate it so much!