Hi all.....my name is Marti and I am gender confused & on the brink of doing something wild. I'm 63, MTF, married to a wife of 36 years, and I recently was discovered dressing by her. I have known I was female since the age of 3, but have always shoved it into the background. But now, since she knows, I feel like I need to transition..cant' hardly think about anything else. If I did, it would be extremely painful for her...just knowing that I "bought a bra" just about killed her. But, on the other hand, not transitioning might kill me! We have 2 grown sons, one grandchild. We have always been heavily involved in church - I was even in full tie ministry for ten years.....I would lose hundreds of friends....any  advice?

Thanks......martigail

First, a big warm welcome to the family Marti! You have found a wonderful place full of information, caring and compassion all wrapped up in the attitude of non judgment. Kind of the whole package in one. All of us want to truly see you succeed in your journey. All of the information you get here is provided by real people at all different stages of transition from still questioning to Post Op and everything in between. Here is a BIG HUG  to welcome you and make you feel right at home!

Now, the first thing I would suggest is to find a good Therapist with gender experience. They can help you sort this all out and help you set goals. They can also later provide letters for Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) if you choose that route. I personally started at age 47, but many here are older than that, so age is not an issue. I would also direct your wife to our "Significant Others section to help her learn about transition and how it affects her life as well. She will be able to contact others whose Sos are either undergoing transition or questioning themselves. You have to remember if you decide to transition then your wife will be going through one as well. Start by researching Gender Dysphoria and go from there.

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Thanks for the hug - I needed that! My whole life is upside down right now. I am SO glad to find I'm not alone.

You are by no means alone and anyone here is available to help out any time of day or night. I thought personally transition would be the end of me totally with things and people lost forever. Not anymore! I have a whole new life and Facebook friend request's roll in every day. I have never taken to something so fast in my life. Transition to me feels like a duck in water it is so natural. I look now at those who judged me and their pathetic, miserable and conforming lives and actually shed tears for them. They will never know the peace of living as the real them. My life has gone into warp speed and I am cherishing every minute of it. I do of course have down days, naturally, but life is so good now.

Thanks again Jessica!  The possibility of a whole new life sound absolutely marvelous to me. After shoving my needs and wants to the background for so many years, I feel like I've been buried beneath a huge pile of rubble, but I can hear people above me, digging through the mess, trying to save me. I can almost feel the fresh air now!

As for my wife....I don't think she would even look at the forums for SO's, let alone participate in any groups. I am pretty certain that if I go any further in this journey, I will have to deal with losing her. But like I've said - if I don't explore this path, it might kill me

Hi Marti and welcome to Susan's. I'm a late bloomer having come out at age fifty-seven. Though I'm not transitioning, I fully support those who do. The important thing is to be happy with yourself. Over the past nine years, I've never been happier.