This could be a really long, rambling post that goes nowhere, but I'll try to keep it short and somewhat coherent.

I've been told last week by my employer of the last 2 years that they'll be unable to afford to hire me as an attorney once I graduate from school this May. I could tell my boss was kind of upset when he was telling me, since I know they like me there and that by not being able to hire me that I am out to compete with the wolves. I knew there was a huge chance they wouldn't be able to take me on, so I have been looking for other positions, but there's absolutely nothing out there. Not even in public service, public defender's offices, etc. The few legal jobs posted require 5+ years of experience specific to a particular field of law. I've been looking at non-legal jobs, but I don't have the background or experience to be qualified for them (still applying anyways). I've been considering starting my own firm with other classmates who can't find jobs, but there's very little clients who can actually pay bills that don't already have attorneys. My friends who've already graduated have mainly given up looking for legal jobs.

Basically, now I am looking at jobs I could've done with my A.S. in Law Enforcement -- this $45,500/year job (that only requires a high school diploma or GED) as a correctional officer is looking pretty sweet. Or, I might just join the military.

I am not from a family of means. We're all working-class people, some of whom spent time in prison, the vast majority are poorly educated. I feel like I was being pompous and vain to hope to rise too much higher than the rest of my family. I spent years working menial jobs thinking that I was meant for better things. I don't regret working hard, going to school FT while working FT third-shift. But, I did it out of vanity and pride, because I thought that I was better.

I am not though.

I look at one of my family members, who's a year younger than me and just spent a few years in prison for armed robbery who's making more money per year as a shift supervisor at a liquor store than I expect to make after I get out of school. He might be getting a promotion soon. My younger brother who would not have been allowed to graduate high school if his GPA was 0.01 lower, got a union job welding with my Dad right out of high school making more per hour than I've ever made in my entire life, with benefits, 401K, and overtime pay.

I thought I was better because I did well in school, never got into trouble, didn't get myself pregnant, arrested, or addicted to drugs/alcohol like some of my friends, siblings, and other family members did. I had ambition, unlike other people in my life who were content staying in place. I did what I was supposed to do. I grabbed those "bootstraps" to pull myself out of poverty like I was supposed to.

Now, I've had to learn the hard way that I was conceited and over-reached. It's so easy for the federal government to give student loans to poor students, and so easy for poor students to take them in the optimism that our ->-bleeped-<-ty situations can't possibly get any worse. I had barely any undergraduate debt, but I couldn't get a job that paid more than $8.50/hour. Now, I have the equivalent of a mortgage that cannot be foreclosed on. I expect to be paying this for close to 30 years and never having a job that will make it worth it. I am now worse off than I was before. I know I was very psychologically ill and desperate at the time I applied to grad school, that's one of the few reasons why I can forgive myself for getting into this mess.

I think I've begun to learn my lesson, and I just hope that it makes me a better person. I am thankful that I've been able to see my pride and vanity instead of just being angry and thinking life is unfair, because this will give me the chance to grow.

WJKK WJKF
Henry

"Nimrata" means humble in Punjabi. I changed my forum name to Nimrata so I am reminded to strive for this virtue.

PS: No career advice please.

I feel quite better now.



Time to start planning the back-up kheer business idea. . .

I don't think it makes you conceited. Hell, we get told our whole lives that we should do X, Y and, Z if we want to do well. Kind of like we're presented this paved path for success. And you worked hard and sacrificed a lot because you thought it would give you a better quality of life. Post-secondary education is such a long haul (been in it 7 years since high school and I'm about spent myself), sometimes even if you love what you're doing, the only way to justify the crap you work through is the promise that it will all pay off one day and life will be easier.

You're going to be OK. I know things are complete crap over there in the US, and you are very far from the only person in that boat (my whole bloody thesis is about how the US has essentially f* over its young people). I honestly believe that in the coming years everything's going to hit the fan and things will improve. I imagine a lot of debts will be forgiven or reduced because so many students just literally cannot handle them. I also imagine the economy will get better in time too and those jobs that are, at the moment, so competitive will start taking in others.

And, as you said, hopefully this is an experience that, while trying, will help you grow as a person. All you can do is your best, and try to be as happy as you can be. You seem pretty intelligent and well put together, and I feel like you can handle this with poise.

While we should remember those more unfortunate then us on our journey in life only you can answer if you it was vanity and pride or drive to make yourself better. (I know what you wrote but there is a difference and one we should all reflect on occasionally). I hope this is only a temporary setback for you and you soon land on your feet again.

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps"