Quote from: Satinjoy on April 10, 2014, 06:17:01 AM
It was all it took.  I went over the edge because it is one of the three transformation drugs, and when I did the research on finesteride, I encoutered Susan's and other info.  But the dysphoria siezed on having an excuse to get somewhere on hormones, and then it got traction and I cracked and went to an endo.  I tried to manipulate him into giving me estrogen, and wise old guy that he was, he told me to get a shrink and a letter, and that it wasn't my fault that I was trans, and that I probably had a response to estrogen he would not have which he attributes to having estrogen receptors in my brain (I am quite sure I have those).  And he was very worried about me.  And so my journey into health began with the hopes for a "She lived happily ever after" ending.

This could be very interesting and scary.  I think I need to talk to my therapist about this.  It's weird how this developed, something seems to be steering me towards transition.

Thanks so much for the info Satinjoy.
Paige 

I would answer this question with a big YES; it definitely, without a doubt, gets worse with age.

I've felt gender dysphoria from my earliest memories, but every time it felt truly unbearable I'd tell myself it was 'all in my head' and that I was capable of beating this, I just needed more willpower. It was when I was 23 (two years ago) I realized I'd been telling myself I could 'beat this' my entire life and had never come any closer to actually doing so; and as many on here have already described it's a definite erosion of will, of mental and emotional health. I believe my exact words to Muffinpants (my SO, very active on here) when I came out were, "I just don't have it in me to fight this anymore; every day it becomes a heavier burden"

The trick is to realize it isn't a 'mental illness'. Once I did my homework and really looked into who/what I was and the causes of it, the stigma was gone and I was finally able to accept myself  So, know that though it gets worse, when you learn to go with your flow (in the same way cis people take for granted) it gets much, much better.

I just wanted to say I agree with most of you here that it is progressive as you age. The only way I was able to make it so long before transitioning is my being xxy for it gave me a feminine look and feelings/emotions as a kid and throughout my life. If it we'rent present in me I doubt I'd be here talking about this right now. However I will say this: had I had the opportunity I'd have transitioned much earlier.

So it seems like by all accounts dysphoria is only going to get worse, great..

How did you all get over the initial fears though? The shame of feeling like this, the fear of not passing, general fear of rejection and the "Am I trans ENOUGH though?" debate. Do therapists help with this kind of stuff?

I can't go back to distracting myself with other things and if I wake up in 10 years in the same position, I could NEVER forgive myself (I'm 22 right now and already feel too old) but then again all the associated fears of transitioning just make me want to hide. I feel ok-ish when I'm locked away in my room just listening to loud music all night, but in public it's getting the point where I can't think of anything other than how out of place I feel as male.

Is it just inevitable that the fear of not acting on this is going to outweigh the fear of moving forward?

Quote from: Izla on April 10, 2014, 05:26:52 PM
So it seems like by all accounts dysphoria is only going to get worse, great..

How did you all get over the initial fears though? The shame of feeling like this, the fear of not passing, general fear of rejection and the "Am I trans ENOUGH though?" debate. Do therapists help with this kind of stuff?

I can't go back to distracting myself with other things and if I wake up in 10 years in the same position, I could NEVER forgive myself (I'm 22 right now and already feel too old) but then again all the associated fears of transitioning just make me want to hide. I feel ok-ish when I'm locked away in my room just listening to loud music all night, but in public it's getting the point where I can't think of anything other than how out of place I feel as male.

Is it just inevitable that the fear of not acting on this is going to outweigh the fear of moving forward?

Well, as someone who just scheduled an appointment to get HRT maybe I can explain what happened to me so far. Haha, I actually feel like I'm explaining this too often.

Anyways, I kind of did the same thing, I actually started to see a therapist for my gender dysphoria when I was about 19~ish. I'm trying to recall exactly what we discussed, this happened about 8 years ago, so my memory is a little bit rusty, but we basically talked through some of my concerns about transitioning and what it would mean in the future. It's not a road I really wanted to go down, I had a lot of doubts and hesitations about moving forward. I kind of repressed it, because I was very concerned what it would mean for my job prospects out of college. I stopped seeing my therapist and started to drown out my dysphoria with improving my digital arts skills. I've definitely improved a lot, but my dysphoria continued onward. 8 years later, here I am about to start the journey I should have started a long time ago.

Like many people have mentioned, I just hit a wall, I can't move forward with my life as a male. I just can't repress this side anymore, I just feel like I'm at the point where I need to move on with my life as a female rather than a male. I'm still not really over my initial fears, I'm not sure I will be able to get a job with my Electrical Engineering degree, which is still a work in progress, but that is completely different story. However, I do know one thing, I will be doing this as a female, at this point I just stopped caring about my fears. Just my personal story, your mileage will vary...

I'd only like to add that in my case, just around 5 years ago what little male part of me that was left after living years of misery and torment sort of just evaporated, vanished, to say the least. So again, yes it's progressive and yes, the decision to go full time and transform was made for me.