I hope after giving some information, I can get a clearer idea of what I need to do. I've been dealing with transgender feeling for what seems like my entire life. The first recollection I have of these feelings was at age four. They didn't stop either. As a child, any occasion that came up that would allow me, no matter how vaguely, to act or dress like a girl, I jumped at. I remember every time I did, I felt scared, but overjoyed at the same time. Being a child, I didn't really understand the feelings at all, and never proclaimed to anyone how these moments made me feel. As a teenager, the feelings continued to simmer. I would put on women's clothes when I was home alone and scour the internet in search of answers. In a short amount of time, I stumbled upon this website, as well as many others. While doing so, there was always this fear of getting in trouble or getting caught. I was always so scared, because I didn't want to hurt anyone if they found out. One day I made the mistake of not deleting my browsing history and unbeknownst to me, was caught by my mother. After she let it sink in, she confronted me in the car. This leads to, what I believe, to be the worst mistake of my life. Due to the anxiety and fear of being caught, I made an elaborate story up about how I was researching to help someone at school who felt that way. Whether she believed it or not, I don't know, but she never brought it back up. After that incident, I forced myself to try and bury the feelings and was overly cautious from there on out. I managed to cope by engaging in activities I enjoyed to keep my mind occupied. At age 19, I met an amazing woman (I was always attracted to women) and moved away from home. For several years, the urges and feelings were, for the most part, subdued. Roughly a year ago the feelings started to creep back in and even intensified. Then, just about a month ago, I finally told a friend from work and just last week told my cousin. I'm 24 now. I'm still living with the same woman and her daughter. The thing I fear the most is hurting anyone, if I were to come out and openly acknowledge this. I'm also afraid that I've waited so long, that I've created more collateral damage than there should be. We own everything jointly. Aside from her, the majority of my family and presumably most of my friends wouldn't accept me. Strangely enough, I've spent large portions of my life helping other people with their problems and keeping my own inside on the back burner. It seems like now that I've finally told someone, that the urge to be a woman has increased (didn't even think that was possible). It's all I think about when I'm alone. Once I acknowledged it, my inner voice even changed, without me being consciously aware of it. My thoughts speak in a female voice now, which was weird, yet comforting at the same time. I guess what I need to know is, has anyone else experienced anything similar? Am I really transgendered?
