Asking here was my last resort but I'm at my wits end, and you never know who might have some sort of an answer!

As you can see by my thumbnail, I have very, very kinky, thick, tight curly hair-it's similar to African hair, except I have less texture, which means I don't respond as well to relaxers.  I've been happy with this short, asymmetrical cut for a while now, but it is very masculine and not very flattering to my face.  I really wish I could have longer, more feminine hair, but I'm not even sure that's an option for me, given my past experiences.  I tried growing it out before, and my head just turned into a bubble-even when I conditioned, and used product, it became a veritable lion's mane of doom.  Flat irons do virtually nothing for me unless I have an extra hour every morning (which I certainly do not-and I don't see how I can grow all of this out in the first place)  Does anyone here have an idea?  I won't accept the idea of having braids, sporting an afro, or spending three hundred dollars every month on keratin treatments.  Thanks!

I have a mix of 3a,3b,3c. From your pic I'm guessing its one of the threes.

http://www.naturallycurly.com/hair-types

check out this hair brand kinky curly!! get it!! it works, you'll be able to go natural with just the leave in and a bit of product. Cut the ends as needed. But if I were you I'd go for a chop and start from there. Wearing protective styles is also a must for our kind of hair. Been growing mine out for 3 years now. It's just getting on a good routine with your hair. Once you have that, the growth will come!! You have to take care of your hair with love. I was just like you until I found a conditioner that worked for me. And started doing all the right things for my hair texture maintenance wise

My routine is:

Never brush dry curly hair

Detangle in the shower with conditioner and fingers. A wide tooth comb also works best.

Shampoo about twice a week

Condition almost every day and deep condition every other day

And if my hair drys out during the day I just add a bit of my conditioner or custard.

You don't mention where you get your styling advice. Try (even once) visiting a top of the line salon. The difference between a mall salon, and the guy who charges $200 a cut is night and day. One can only draw a stick figure, and the other is Leonardo DeVinci.

Mostly what I did was... suffer. About a year of my hair being a gigantic cloud sticking straight out instead of down, and then the weight of the hair started to pull it down and relax the curls a bit.

I've since had it thinned a bit and cut into long, loose layers, which highlights the curls without making it a giant frizzy mess. My hair is so thick that I've broken brushes trying to tame it, so even after all that it's still pretty thick. I also wear it fairly long now, having figured out by trial and error approximately what length keeps it from frizzing straight out but doesn't pull out *all* the curl (around mid-back, for me). My suggestion would be to have it fairly aggressively thinned and layered during the growing out phase, and then consider experimenting to see what thickness you can allow to grow back once the majority of it is long enough to mostly behave. (Since at that point it'll only be a small part of it growing out/going nuts at any given time.)

You could always wear a wig?

Fantastic site I am a 3A. I know if I had straight hair I would want curls but I have curls and want straight.

HA YEP! I'm the same way Cynthia. I flat iron my hair a couple times a month. I try my best not to do it often since it damages your ends/texture if you do it too much. But my hair just looks sooooo much better straight. Since I'm in dire need of a professional cut again. Ever since my hrt regimine was changed I've been getting a lot of new hair growth. So my hair looks really uneven right now. In curly mode it just looks terrible you can automatically see how uneven it is but when it's straight it looks great and you cant tell at all. Helps to have long hair though covers up the shorter layers 

Thank you all for your replies...

I'm a 3b, but I have such an incredible amount of volume, and really intractable frizz.  I've actually been using a combination of MoroccanOil and Ouidad fixing gel-really top of the line products, and a techneque where the curls are actually individually formed with a finger.  My stylist charges about sixty for a haircut; she's quite good, and my current hairstyle (when properly styled) can look quite nice.  My profile pic is actually of it while wet!   I've tried growing it out before, as I mentioned, but gravity doesn't hold it down.  Just seeing how it grows out, I don't think I could ever have anything other than a massive jewfro...it's really quite disheartening, as every other aspect of what I need to change to finish my transition is finally beginning to seem manageable.  I can't stand the thought of wearing a wig, they all look horribly fake on someone with volume like mine, and I really don't want to shave my head or anything drastic.  Sorry to rant like this, but the situation is beginning to seem almost hopeless.  Straightening, styling...all of it just seems futile to me.

Hey I totally get the whole fro thing and gravity not doing it's job. Like I said in my first post I have your kind of hair texture. You have to stay on top of it with conditioning, just using an oil isn't enough. Deep conditioning is key. It took almost two years for my hair to finally have gravity keep it completely down. Growing out your hair is a long process and for those of us that have curly hair, an even longer process. With a bit of love, patience and good hair care you'll get there!