I started thinking about something today.  How much of what we feel is actually the way we feel and how much is just enforced into our brains because "that's how trans people feel" and it's talked about so much and so repetitively on support sites and in support groups that we start to think "I'm trans, so I should feel that way" until it becomes part of our actual feelings.  I hope I'm making sense.  I'm just having trouble differentiating what I actually want and what I've adopted to want because it's the trans thing to want.  I know, "there are as many ways to be trans as there are trans people" and all that, but it's part of our nature to want to belong and I'm sure that has some influence in this situation.  I personally have a strong belief that you should be yourself and not try to change for others and have a desire to actually stand out rather than blend in and I feel that I'm still affected by this myself.  So I can only imagine the effect it has on those that so badly want to just blend in.  How much of their personality and belief system is truly who they are and how much is invented to blend in and so ingrained that they don't even remember that they only are thinking like that because those around them think like that.

Anyways, I hope this isn't offensive to anyone and I apologize for the run-on sentences.  I hope what I'm saying made sense and has come across as intended.

I have had some similar thoughts as this myself.  I've been going to the local gender identity center.  I don't want to get caught up in trying to be the best/most popular trans woman among the support group I attend once a week.  Most of the girls and guys there are further along than me.  Most have had surgery or are planning it.  Most are full time and have their voice down.  And I find myself a bit jealous and wanting to be more like them.  But my situation is different.  I keep telling myself I have my own life and my own plan.  I don't need to be like everyone else.  I do feel that pressure at times though.  No matter where you are you always want to fit into the group.   

At least I learned something from all the years of trying to fit in as a male.  Just being my honest self is the best.

I'm not sure how to verbalize this, but for I've felt something of this when looking for information and personal accounts from people who are non-binary. I'm slowly managing to convince myself that yes, there are people who identify as trans* and non-binary, so it's okay to not fit into assumptions my dr may have. It's still feels a bit lonely sometimes.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm a super special snowflake.

In my own case I didn't realize I was trans until last December and only knew one trans person before I started hanging around here less than two weeks ago. Much of it what people here say resonates with me so I'd have to say that we all have a lot of similarities.

BTW, that one person is a transman and mentally I'll so I doubt I picked up much from him.